Vicki, oh, this is just the hardest. I'm so glad you found us and this circle and can write about your feelings because it does make a difference. My heart is just aching for you and all that you're going through. Life just stops when you lose someone you love so dearly and it can be a long road to feeling whole again. I remember feeling like I'd lost a part of myself when my best friend died of cancer eleven years ago. I still think of her every day, and losing her changed me forever. I'm sending you hugs and understanding. Write here all you want - we're a shoulder when you need one.

Thank you for your kindness. It has been a bitter pill to swallow and the worst is not knowing why I deserved this, but I have to accept it and move on for the sake of my son. I tell my husband that I wish I could lose that part of my memory b/c I have never been a confident person to begin and this has just crushed me to a point where I don't know how to do anymore. I stay focused with my son and like my job a lot, but there it is in the back of my mind that my family hates me. I'm so embarrased by it all. I look at other dads and see what good folks they and how strong their family units are and I wonder why I couldn't have the same. How do you get through it completely? I feel like a failure as a human being and that this reflects on my character to others. I don't talk about what happened to anyone around here. I work here and what would folks think that I don't have a relationship with my dad. I feel like an awful person for it. Thanks for listening. Don't mind me. I'm really ok, just figuring out how to deal with it all. I don't want this to take years off of my life. Cancer is so rampant and insidious in our family and stress is something I would rather avoid.

Vicki, it really and truly doesn't say anything about you. Your father has his own issues and it's sad and painful that he's making the choices he is, but that's just it - they're his choices, not yours. You're going through so so much, losing both your parents at the same time, but please don't let it mean something about you. Let the side of you that your mom knew and loved shine through, and know that's the real you, not anything anyone else chooses to believe. xoxo

I am so sorry about your dad on top of losing your mom. I want to be very clear. It says not one single bad or embarrassing thing about you AT ALL. But it speaks volumes about him. BIG HUGE HUG.

Thank you Emily. My father turned on me and my family after my mom died and so I have nothing of hers other than what she gave to me before she died...little notes, pictures, and such. They mean so much to me. She was in Hospice for here last day of life and I do have the pillow that was under her head when she died. I held that for so long. I wish I could go to the house and just sit with her things w/out having to see him. The house was hers and my dad lived at the beach, but now, he has taken 'her' house, too. He never wanted to be there when she was there. I have alot of issues with him. I just don't know him anymore. I cannot believe I am actually talking about this, but it weighs on me every day. What does that say about me that my dad hates me? It is embarrassing.

Hi Vicki, your mother looks so strong and solid and there for you. This picture reminds me of my mother-in-law because after she died, my husband saved her purse. I think it's the one thing he has of hers that feels to him most a part of her. It makes me cry just thinking about it. Hugs to you.

im so sorry and i know that doesnt help when dealing with a loss of a loved one but im sure i speak for everyone on themotherhood.com when i say we are all here for you whenever you need a shoulder (or a few ) to cry on, vent to, or just listen..... we are here for you.

I am so sorry for your loss. I never had a dad, so when my mom passed I felt orphaned. However, I cannot imagine what you have had to live through. Sending hugs and prayers your way. xoxox

(((hugs))) I'm so sorry for your loss.

I am so sorry for your loss. It's hard enough to be without your parents, but to lose them at the same time, and so suddenly and tragically, is unthinkable. I don't know whether you'll find anyone in exactly your shoes around here, but I promise you will find many people who will care and do their best to understand. My mom never got to see my kids, and my dad passed away while they were still pretty young, and I feel very much the loss of the relationship between my parents and my kids, and the loss of my parents' wisdom and advice as my kids grow older.

Hi, glad you found us...or did we find you? :) I also have two boys...older than yours...15 and 9. I am SO sorry to hear about your parents. Heartbreaking. I haven't lost my parents...they are still alive, but they were hit head-on--Novemeber 7, 2006. We are still dealing with the results from that. I hope you feel supported here, as there are SO many caring, warm and understanding women within this community. (((hugs))))

I think it's great too, Jeanne. I hope if you have one handy, you might post a photo or memory of your mom here for us to celebrate her this Mother's Day. I'm so sorry for your loss, and know exactly what you mean when you say it feels like yesterday. I feel that way about my best friend who died 12 years ago. My Mom has been on a slow decline and is so very different from the mother I grew up with. I miss her while I still have her. xoxo

Becca, Happy Mother's Day to you. I pray for a day filled with good memories and smiles as well as hugs and kisses from your son. I will be thinking of you.