Mommy and Eleanor dressed up for a friends wedding

Courage is doing what you're afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you're scared.

Letting Go and Letting God - A post from my blog www.musingsfrommom08.blogspot.com I've been having lots of discussions on my various parenting boards that I post on about, parenting, well, what else? More specifically, I've been thinking and talking a lot about what it means to be a "free range parent" (remember my post awhile back about being terrified of kidnappers, and needed to chill out, and I fount the book, Free Range Kids, by Lenore Skenazy? You might want to check out her blog to find out what free ranging is all about before you read too much further of my post) since I've actually been reading the book, and reading her blog/website more and more. I've posed questions on my boards about what we can do to encourage our children to be independent, self-confident, self-reliant individuals. To me, that is the most important part of being a parent. I want my children to grow up and be able to live on their own and succeed at life. I want to know that I've given them the tools for a successful life. Doesn't any parent? To me, thats a no brainer. BUT, it seems like in our society, in our day and age, the answers I've gotten from other moms shows me that the paranoia and fear of all the known and unknown dangers is paralyzing us, and keeping parents from letting their kids grow and learn, and explore the world on their own. I mean, parents have told me that they aren't comfortable leaving their child safe in their crib, napping, while even going out to the mailbox to check the mail, or gardening in their own back yard, because. . .well, "what if. . ." What if something happens and I can't get there in time?? If something bad happens to kids we immediately jump to blame the parents. Where were the parents? Obviously the parent was at fault for not keeping any and all dangers at bay. Is that really our job as parents; to shield all dangers from our children's lives? Obviously, safety is important, and taking the necessary precautions to keep our children safe is key (lock the house at night, lock cabinets with chemicals, use car-seats, and seat-belts, etc. etc. The list is long, and teaching our children how to be safe is even more important.) However, it seems now that safety, or rather the prevention of any possible danger, is keeping parents these days from letting their children learn to love exploration and be excited about the world we live in. Really, parents are being called neglectful, and having the cops called on them for letting their children play in their front yard unattended. There used to be a time when that was the norm, and now you will be hard pressed to find kids of any age riding their bikes, or playing in their neighborhoods. Most kids don't walk or ride their bikes to school, and many school districts have even banned students from walking or biking to school. Why? Because we are afraid of what might happen wen we aren't there, and we are afraid of what others will say about our parenting, or even afraid of legal action against us if something does happen to our kids. Thats the world we are living in now. Really. Truly. It amazes and sickens me. So, all this led me to some serious thinking. Who are we to think that we are, or even CAN be, in control of everything? Are we God? Clearly not. Then why do we think we can control everything in our kids lives? Why would we even want to? Why don't we want our kids to experience life, and really learn and explore it on their own? What are we really afraid of? I really think that this paranoia, this fear is because we have learned not to trust. We don't trust anyone but ourselves to be in control. We don't trust in God (yes, I went there). We don't trust in our kids. I asked parents when they would be comfortable trusting their kids to stay home alone and many said never. Kids should never be left alone (when they are adults they can be alone). So, if we can't trust our kids to be home by themselves, and they never have experiences of being responsible for themselves when they are young, how are they ever going to be adults that are responsible, and know what do when their parents aren't there answering questions, and doing everything for them? Why can't we all learn to let GO and let God take over control of our kids lives instead of always trying to be in control of things that we were never meant to be constantly in control of anyway? Yes, we can still be scared, but as we send them out the door to play with friends we can say a prayer, and ask for God to keep them safe, and trust in Him, and and in our kids, and beyond that we can't do anything else. We can't try to be in control of the rest of the world, and what other people are going to do. Skenazy has asked us free rangers to help her in a movement because "We need to start changing things, before the next generation of kids grows up without ever experiencing one cartwheel without adult supervision (and a snack)." I don't want to live in a world paralyzed with fear of what might happen, or might not. Yes, we live in a dangerous, scary world. But is that all? Is there no beauty and magic, and love and grace in each other and the world? If we are always fearful or each other, and our kids, and ourselves, we will never be able to meet the potential in each of us that God is so graciously given. We can never see the true amazing world that we were given. Can we agree to say, that yes - my child will get hurt growing up. They will encounter problems, and troubles, and even get hurt along the way. But being able to face those troubles, and problems and overcome them is so rewarding. We learn so much from making mistakes. I will go so far as to say that without mistakes we don't learn. Children, in their nature, love to learn and explore, who are we to stifle that love of independent exploration and learning (i.e. making mistakes)? Please help be a part of the movement to change things, and to learn to trust more in the goodness of our fellow man (or rather, be smart in who you can trust - the creepy guy who is winking at your daughter, maybe not, but the sweet mother with 2 kids surely can't be so bad) rather than think that we are all out to get each other. (And if you have to, turn off the TV and stop listening to the news that sensationalizes all the evil, and sad and terrible things that can happen to each other, and our kids. Those stories seem more prevalent than they really are because they are constantly plastered on the TV. We are living in a statistically "safe" time period, safer than the '80's and 90's, as safe as the '60s, and the crime rate has steadily been decreasing.) Be a part of the movement to trust our children, and trust that letting go and letting them experience life and make mistakes is vital to giving them the ability to be self-confident, self-reliant, responsible, happy children that will one day grow up to be the leaders of this country. Be a part of the movement that says I can't be in control, but I can say, "God, I know I'm not in control, but You are, please help me to be more trusting and to let go, and let You take control."

Saw this article and my jaw dropped. Yes, this incident is horrible, and the parents should be charged with neglect if they refused to get their daughter care after having an allergic reaction. I was raised having my mouth "washed" out with soap, and I hated it. Did it make me use cleaner language? No. Did it make me be more careful about who I used that language around? You betcha. What are some ways that you have come up with, barring a bar of soap in the mouth, that have helped your children use more appropriate language? What do you consider appropriate or inappropriate? Do veggie cuss words like shoot, and dang constitute a potty mouth? http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/blogs/sfmoms/detail?entry_id=49523&tsp=1

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