I agree with your comments about needing to be a good role model for your kids in all aspects which includes demonstrating nice manners. I alos agree that it's not always easy!! :-) That is actually one of the reasons I created my game on manners called "Blunders" because I wanted to offer parents and teachers a fun and easy way to teach kids about manners. If you're interested in looking at it my website is www.BlundersMania.com.

Well mine don't have much electronic communication yet - their kind of young, but the 10 year old is getting there. That said, my kids have days where they are so rude I'm embarrassed to be their mom and some days they are the most polite children to be around! I don't think electronic communication makes kids rude, I think not modeling it, teaching it, or treating your kids politely certainly can though!

I got the etiquette book for kids from the Post family a couple of years ago. it's really useful, actually!

You are SO right! That is actually what Emily Post (the Queen of Manners) believed. She said having nice manners means showing respect and kindness and making others feel comfortable and appreciated. She never said you have to be "nice" to everyone even if they are bullying you! :-)

You don't have to like everyone, and everyone doesn't have to like you, but you always need to be respectful and courteous!

I can second the advice on reading Rosalind Wiseman. Is the school aware of what's going on or what went on last year? I think they should be. And I definitely don't believe bullies play by the rules of "be nice and they will be nice back" Truthfully, have you ever heard of a bully say "Well, you know, I was going to pick on you today but since you are being so nice, I'm not going to anymore!" Um, no, only in after school specials IMO. He definitely needs to learn to assert himself and speak up for himself. I have no other advice - except love him and be there for him and don't downplay it. (((hugs))) I will pray that it won't be an issue for him this year.

Here is what I have learned and become a big advocate of (and now, this is me): teaching your kid to know and believe in his own boundaries and expectations of how others treat him. Then finding his voice and expressing this to others. I grew up under the "be nice! be nice!" until I can't even hear the word nice without wincing. A big part of that was that "be nice" seemed to mean "take it all the time, no matter how bad it is" and also "you have to like everyone and everyone has to like you." To my own kids I say: * you don't have to be nice, but you do need to be polite * you don't have to like everyone, and everyone doesn't have to like you, but you do and they do have to be courteous * you may speak up for yourself, especially if someone is treating you badly, but you must do so respectfully. I taught my daughter to say to the bully kid, "Geez, why do you want to go and act (that way)," then roll her eyes and walk away. She can say it for herself, she can say it for a friend. I taught her to say, "No, no way, I like (friend) and if you're going to exclude her, no way, I'll go play with her instead or we can all play together." I taught her to say, "Yeah you know, I expect (X), you can do this, we can play, you can't then adios amigo." We had to work together a bit on phrasing but it all boils down to the main principles. I reiterated the difference between tattling and telling, and told my daughter she had the right to speak up for herself also to a teacher if she needed help, and we talked about how to do that in a telling way instead of a tattling one. And always always always I am her advocate. But I try to let her handle it first. But make nice? No way. Sometimes, it's the right thing but in bullying? I rarely find that it is. But kids can stand up for themselves and still be respectful.

I will definitely have to look into Wiseman and Renner. Another boy in the class was bullying him and it seemed like it had to do with sharing. He is a quiet kid and so far I have gone by the philosophy of "just be nice to others and they will be nice to you". Though maybe it's time for a learning when to stand up for yourself conversation?

I have so BTDT with my daughter when she was in first grade! Two people were infinitely helpful for me: Rosalind Wiseman and Devra Renner. Rosalind is the expert on so much about girl life and she's moved into boy life. She first really coined the phrase "mean girls" She helped me identify problem behavior, ways to talk to my daughter about it and phrases and so forth to arm my daughter with. You can find Devra on Parentopia, and she is co-author of Mommy Guilt. She had many great ideas about how to talk to the teacher and school. It *really* depends on the situation and your kid. Who was bullying him? Why? What kind of kid is he?

I've heard You look so tired and are you pregnant (when not) more than once. Pregnant onejust a few times, but the tired thing all the time. Apparently I just look tired as a default ROFL! =)

Good policy, Deborah. Seriously--nothing good can come out of that question. "What's new?" is always safe.

That happened to a good friend of mine last year. WHAT are people thinking? Unless I see a baby coming out of your woo-hoo, I'm not saying a word. :)

I have to say, it happens more often than I would have thought. Recently, on separate occasions, two of my (non-pregnant) friends were approached and congratulated on their pregnancies. Embarrassment on all sides.

Passive-aggressive is so common, much more common than common sense and good manners, it seems. Back-handed compliments are awful. However, if someone asked me if I was pregnant? They are going to get a kick in the teeth.

I'm trying so hard to teach my kids these things - but you wouldn't always know it. Sigh.