Audrey is my five year old.

How old is Audrey? She probably sees all that is happening and wants to fix it, bless her for wanting to help and be there. I'm glad you talked to her about it though, I'm sure it helped her deal with everything going on.

thanks ladies.... My Audrey is really struggling. She thinks if she takes good enough care of grandma, she will live. I had to tell her finally, that no matter how well we took care of her that she would still die. Also told her we had no idea when that would be, and reinforced that it wasn't her responsibility to take care of G, it was mine. Her "job" is to love grandma and be a kid. Of course, grandma thinks it'll help Audrey if we let her help, so grandma taught her how to take blood sugar! I wasn't thrilled about it, but it made both of them happy.

As real as possible - don't sugar coat it, don't as Becki said use euphemisms - use clear, concise words and answer their questions with as much honesty as you think their age allows them to handle. I would also say, trust your heart and even though it might be hard to talk about things, but dont' let fear of showing them your emotion let you hold back on what you need to say to them. I did grief counseling many years ago for kids, and I can tell you they understand a LOT more than we give them credit for, and when we don't tell them what's going on, they will think of explanations on their own. I will never forget the 4 year old who told me "Mommy is sad that my baby brother had to go away. But I can't tell her I'm sad because she doesn't talk about. And so I get sadder and sadder. It's all in here [pointing to his heart] and one day will my heart break because it's too full of sadness?" That's powerful stuff, so speak to them, talk to them, don't be afraid to tell them that you are sad but they can ALWAYS talk to you about it. Tell them it's okay to be sad. That they don't need to hide it. And also, on the other side, tell them it's okay if they don't cry, because all people show their sadness in different ways. (((hugs))) It's can be hard to have these talks but having things out in the open (again, at the child's level) makes it much easier for the whole family to grieve - no one has to feel like they have to hide their grief from other members of the family.

One thing I've heard and tried to follow is not to tell a child that the deceased or dying person is "going home" or has "fallen asleep." While adults understand those as euphemisms, kids can take them very literally and become afraid of going to sleep. If the person has been ill, I'm also careful to distinguish it from the "everyday' kinds of sickness kids get, so they don't worry they're going to die if they get a cold. As for dealing with the issue of the loss itself, I think a lot depends on the age of the child and your religious beliefs. But if the person who has died is someone the child was close to, make sure they know it's okay to talk about that person, to cry, to remember them. While we shouldn't unload on our kids, we do them a disservice when we try to totally hide our grief, because it makes them think they must do the same.

Nope. I totally get what you are saying!! =)

Funny, but I posted the U2 song in the Inspirations circle earlier today.

I think it's totally normal. I have several songs "favorited" on YouTube so I can play them as needed in the morning to match my mood.

Every single Sugarland Song that exists! Each one has a meaning to me. right now the three most significant are "I'll Stand Back Up", "It Happens," and "Fall into Me." but then when I think of my "friend" who I only get to see approximatly monthly it's "Come on Get Higher" It's like they say exactly what I am thinking or feeling- or what I could say if I was forced to communicate (and I mean FORCED) without some sort of technical device; including text messaging! Not sure I know the U2 song, I will have to go find it....

Yes Yes Yes, alright either that makes us normal or we are both freaks;) Music is language. Sometimes the only language that makes sense. Any songs in particluar for you? Mine change. Right now, I'm LOVING U2's " I'll Go Crazy If I Don't Go Crazy Tonight". I feel that song in my bones!!!

Me, too! If the kids want bedtime stories, they'd better be over by 8:59!

All 3 of my children! All three pregnancies were surprises and shockers. LOL!

I'll second what Deborah said. And I know of others who have had jewelry made out of ashes and treasure it very very much.

My family doesn't go the cremation route, so I've never pondered this before! I think there's nothing wrong with a little sick humor, myself. If you're not offended by it, it shouldn't bother anyone else, either. For the record, my dad died two years ago this week, and my son (10) was pondering aloud if he was down to a skeleton yet. Not pleasant to think about, but I totally get how a ten year old boy might be thinking about it...

So morbid and so normal and a little sick, for sure ;) Don't we all wonder so much about death and what happens to us when we die? Seriously, you will not be able to distinguish any "parts". Think of it this way...she is WHOLE again in spirit and that her body will be ONE with the earth....that is how I thought about my grandparents after their cremation. I hope this helps and you are getting more good rest each night.

Loved Encyclopedia Brown and Babysitters Club,but I jumped from those books to John Saul and Stephen King. Not sure how that happened, and I hope my daughter doesn't do the same thing. I have memories of giving a book report in 6th grade and the teacher cutting me off - the book was called Sniper and about a man randomly shooting people all across Florida. So strange - I feel like I probably missed a whole lot of great books that were more age appropriate and I hope my kids don't do the same thing! LOL!

Was hooked on Judy Blume. Would order Encyclopedia Brown books through the Weekly Reader book orders. I agree with Deborah....gotta love To Kill A Mockingbird.

Such great books!!! I also loved The Secret Garden, James and the Giant Peach and went through a big Nancy Drew phase!

I'm skipping ahead a few years but our HS freshman is reading To Kill a Mockingbird for English and I'm going to pick it up again....it's been a long time but I remember really loving it. Soon, will we trading books? I'm kind of excited about that!

Caddie Woodlawn! I LOVED that book! I still have it, and I gave to my daughters to read, but they haven't gone there yet.

Oh, I forgot all about Encyclopedia Brown! I LOVED those! And I wish my kids would like The Phantom Tollbooth, too.

I'm hoping my boys will give the Little House on the Prairie books a chance - we'll see next week. I enjoyed the Encyclopedia Brown books too, I think they'll like them.

Three things: Remember, this too shall pass; There is no one way to be a perfect parent but about a million ways to be a good parents; and pick your battles wisely - sometimes is smarter to let something go than fight over it

One piece of advice is really hard to come up with, we all have lots of great ideas. But I'd say that it's important to make sure everyone gets enough sleep. Without enough sleep, kids and parents are grumpy, short-tempered, don't learn as well, eat too much, etc. So get everyone on a routine and give your family the gift of sleep.

Children are harder to screw up than you think, especially if you're acting toward them with love. So trust your gut, and don't worry so much.

the warm fuzzy feeling that you get putting up decorations and being with family as you sip on eggnog and listen to christmas carols.... its the hustle and bustle of the mall and the shoppers.... the smells and the sights.... even the little kid who is scared of santa brings that warm fuzzy feeling to your heart!! i think its just the last 2 months of the year where everyone unwinds and relaxes from all the hard work from the past 10 months :)

The first real cold front in TX.... And of course the AnM UT football game- Gig em'!

The weekend after thanksgiving we put up Christmas decorations. I think my fvorite part of November is sitting down, planning all the gifts we will make and getting started. Planning is always the most fun though - because the excitement level is super high when we do it and the kids are SO excited it's just awesome! =) Some years we do a thankful tree - and that's fun, but I have mixed feelings about Thanksgiving and certainly try to stray away from the happily-wonderfully-celebrated "first" thanksgiving, so I have a hard time getting really into Thanksgiving much.

We don't celebrate Thanksgiving in a big way in our family, but I do love pulling out Christmas decorations the day after Thanksgiving. This year will be odd with my husband gone, but the boys and I will do our best to do the outside decorating, just in our own way.