I can't do it all
10 posts
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Karen 
14 posts
Posted 10 months ago
I feel like I am shouldering a lot of the burden of EVERYTHING, and my husband skips off to work, not a care in the world. I have a secret wish he would quit his job and take over the home front, so I can skip off and totally focus on my work….Ugh, bad day yesterday, thanks for reading.
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Becki
693 posts
Posted 10 months ago
I’m sorry you had a bad day. It sure would be nice sometimes to be able to go somewhere, concentrate on a definable task with a definable goal, take appropriate breaks during your work without feeling guilty, and get paid for it. And then go home to a houseful of kids who missed you and think you’re the greatest thing ever because you’re not around all day to be taken for granted…
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bianca bean
17 posts
Posted 10 months ago
A-freaking-men.
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Brandie
713 posts
Posted 10 months ago
((((Karen)))))
Sorry you had a bad day. Hope the last few ones have been easier for you.
And I will say I have that feeling myself! I just can’t do it all. But it’s so hard to say no!! But I’m trying to figure out what is more important and focus on those things! I know I’ll still have trouble and bad days, but it’s gotta be better than feeling like I am running a million miles a minute and not really getting anywhere at the end of the day!
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chaos
21 posts
Posted 10 months ago
Ladies please go to the link I am going to post. Read and Listen to the broadcast. This is good stuff.
http://thestory.org/archive/the_story_334_Why_I_Want_A_Wife.mp3/view
Here’s my post on it
http://chaos.wordpress.com/2007/09/09/feminisim-classic-edition/
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Meredith
11 posts
Posted 10 months ago
It’s nice to be appreciated once and a while! A “thanks for all your hard work” can go really far. But you also need that “how can I help?” as well, or else you are holding the burden of everything at home. I hope things are better.
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bianca bean
17 posts
Posted 10 months ago
chaos – that is a great link and blog response. I absolutely do want a “wife”, it’s true. I want to be able to go to work and receive all of the benefits that paid employment brings with the certainty that someone who loves my child as much as I do is home with him. I want to come back at the end of a paid day’s work and be the hero. I am struggling with the unfairness caused by the lack of value placed on homemaking and child rearing in our society.
I had been making more dough than Huz for years, but the year before I became pregnant, I switched to non-profit work and took a big paycut to get back into social service/education. With the cost of daycare, it just made sense that we would give up my lesser salary and I would stay home with Bean (so I am a circumstantially forced opt-out,). I love being with Bean and I am glad we made it work financially, but there are many things I miss about paid employment and many more things that get taken for granted by Huz now that I am a “sahm”. I feel your frustration, Karen, I really do.
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Karen
14 posts
Posted 10 months ago
You guys are so great and awesome. Thanks, it meant everything to me to log in and find this amazing thread. I am back to a somewhat even place at the moment, but it is hard not to be frustrated. I want “a wife”—as the theme of what chaos and bianca bean wrote really resonated with me. But I also would like a little appreciation too, like Meredith said. I just wonder why society is this way. If I was in the work force full time, feeling secure in how things were at home, I feel like I could really bring home the bacon, as they say…But somehow, here I am, the one at home dream about what could be.
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chaos
21 posts
Posted 10 months ago
My husband took three months off to be with Moshie even though he made more money than me. It was important for them to have that time together. So for a while I had “a wife”. I used to joke saying I was the best husband in the world because I would do stuff around the house. Now that he is back at work he does help around the house, that’s not really the issue for me. I have realized it is my own standards that I need to relax, if I know I can’t do it all and then I don’t why should I even worry about it?
Being a Stay at home Parent (SahP) is really like having several jobs. I broke it down in a notebook. Chef, menu planner, housekeeper, personal assistant, child care teacher, launderess/ laundry queen-then I broke it down task wise under each heading…-and I encouraged him to feel this way.
I am starting to say to myself hmmmm, today/ this week I feel like being a laundry queen. Thats my task and I don’t worry about the other shit.
When my husband was home the house/ everything wasn’t perfect and he still felt like he did a good enough job
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carinr
3 posts
Posted 10 months ago
All this is EXACTLY what I’m researching for my new book on marriage. You could vent your frustrations by answering my survey at www.WhoDoesMore.com . If you can persuade your husband to answer, too, it could provide a non-threatening way to talk about these issues. (Tell him if he answers, he can win a Wii Game System..it’s the only way I could think of to entice men to reveal their innermost thoughts about marriage…)
Good luck, and thanks everybody.
DrCarin
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