Hindsight is 20/20
11 posts
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Meredith 
11 posts
Posted about 1 year ago
Adrian Savage lists 15 things he wished he had known when he was younger, as the top of the list being “Most of it doesn’t matter.” What things do you know now you wished you’d known then?
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Cooper
87 posts
Posted about 1 year ago
“What I had wished I’d known when I was younger” – Meredith, that is an awesome question. Be true to myself, don’t do what I think others want me to do – that would be a big one I wish I had internalized in a serious way. I was not very good at that in my 20s, that is for sure. I also wish I had the ability to see “the big picture” when I was younger. It took four kids and lots of living to begin to show me how—although I am still working on it. I am also starting to realize, as I turned 40, that life is short and you have got to live for now. Another important one for me is the ability to leave whatever you can a little better than you found it. Oh, and one of my favorites, “It all comes out in the wash.” I am sure when I am 80 I will have an entirely different list, but I hope at the top is “it all works out”.
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Meredith
11 posts
Posted about 1 year ago
Eek! Forgot the link to the Savage post. Here is it:
http://www.lifehack.org/articles/lifestyle/things-i-wish-i%E2%80%99d-know-when-i-was-younger.html
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Soni63
6 posts
Posted about 1 year ago
Great question, and not one I can ponder clearly at 6:45 AM on four broken hours’ sleep. But I felt compelled to reply because the question resonated with me so much. At age 44 I’ve finally come to realize that no matter what I do there will be people who like me, people who don’t and people who could care less either way. I don’t have to jump through hoops to please the people who don’t like me; I can simply ignore them and move on while treasuring the people who do like me.
Something I learned after eight years of motherhood: largely ignore the advice of others regarding childrearing (especially the unsolicited kind), and rely on your instincts. They’re almost always right. A new mother becomes an open target. Everyone from her family to her friends to strangers in the street are arrogant enough to think they know how to raise her child better than she can.
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Piper
14 posts
Posted about 1 year ago
Isn’t that the truth, Soni63? I couldn’t agree with you more. From the very beginning, right after my first was born, I remember thinking that as much as I had heard about maternal instincts, I had no idea how important they would be to my parenting, day to day. No one knows your kid like you do, and trusting those instincts and letting yourself be the one to say this is right for my child and my family, no matter what others might think, is ultimately a huge gift to everyone you love.
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Karen
14 posts
Posted about 1 year ago
YES Piper! I totally agree. What my neighbor thinks is right doesn’t mean it is right for me! I am so tired of the idea we have to keep up with the Joneses, or keep up with the latest parenting trends or lifestyle choices, just because that is what everyone else is doing! Trust yourself and what is right for you and your family – that is my big revelation these days!
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MammaLoves
11 posts
Posted 12 months ago
Thanks for you insight ladies!!
I do wish I hadn’t taken things so seriously when I was younger. I try to remember that now. What seems really important at this moment may mean nothing in a year or two. I’m hoping my inability to internalize this until later in life means I’ll grow old later. <strong>fingers crossed</strong>
I completely agree about the parenting advice. I actually liked the Dr. Sears books while I was pregnant because while he gave advice the underlying theme seemed to be trust yourself.
Great topic. Thanks!
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AmyE
23 posts
Posted 11 months ago
You know, it was the Sears’ Baby Book that made me realize that I needed to trust my own instincts, not because it told me that, but because when I turned to it looking for some useful info when I was in angst over going back to work with my first baby (even though that was what I wanted to do, had always wanted to do), it only talked about how important it was to bond with your baby, had budgeting advice so you could stay home, and talked about the benefits of part-time work. It did not offer advice for a mom going back full-time.
That was when the lightbulb went off…...”hey, these books are just the opinions of the person who wrote them, not facts about what is best for me or my baby and family.” That was when I stopped reading parenting books.
I tell my friends to trust their instincts and if they really want somebody to reassure them, make sure they call a friend who they know will agree with what they want to do anyway or pull up a book you know will agree with you.
It is hard to trust your instincts when you are sleep deprived and it is your first baby and you are in hormonal hell, so I think you should ask friends and family for advice, but be picky about who you ask.
Amy
www.sofiabean.com
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Sandy
14 posts
Posted 11 months ago
Amy, you said that so well!!! I remember feeling the EXACT SAME WAY!! Someone pointed out to me that all the parenting books from the 50s were completely outmoded, and all the so-called experts from the period were totally debunked—yet, we often think that today’s experts are infallible. But yes, they’re human beings with their own biases and foibles.
I particularly love your last point about being ‘picky’ about whose advice to trust. Isn’t that the truth?!? Choose someone who is generally a positive, confident person, and not easily swayed by fear-tactics of the media. Another mother who has her feet on the ground with her own kids, with a good dose of humor and perspective is usually a good bet!!
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Brandie
739 posts
Posted 11 months ago
I can’t agree enough with trust your own instincts. And being picky about who you ask opinions from. Everyone has an opinion, but in my opinion, some are much more helpful than others.
Something else, there is very little you can do wrong. You can do things differently than other people, but that doesn’t make it wrong. Once the pressure is off to find the “right and perfect” way to do something, it’s much easier to trust those instincts and move forward.
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Cooper
87 posts
Posted 11 months ago
This is a great thread. Along these lines Sandy and Brandie
- When I have parenting questions or a problem, I always find the mom with the great, well adjusted kids and ask her. : ) That always seems to work, since if the kids are doing well, that mom must be doing something right! Maybe we need to start a group here where moms can share -“What I am doing well” or some such- since we all are good at some element (s) of parenting -and we could give that great know-how to each other!
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