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Dealing with Mean At All Ages and Stages
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- juliepippert 0 comments
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Rosalind Wiseman explains that her revised edition includes more up-to-date issues, including texting, and focuses on not the mean behavior, but how to be socially competent, talk about when things are bad, and learn how to speak and speak well.
over 2 years ago
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- Emily 0 comments
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Rosalind was on the Today Show last week and we are THRILLED to have her here to talk about her newly revised book. She's added chapters on how girls are using technology to be mean. Big topic. Join us!
over 2 years ago
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- Emily 1 comment
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We are so excited to chat with Rosalind today about her newly revised book, Queen Bees and Wannabes. Rosalind added chapters on how girls are using technology to be mean to each other. Yikes. This is going to be a fascinating conversation. I know I've got a TON of questions! Join us at 1 pm ET today!!!!
over 2 years ago
dominiquegoh
I haven't read her latest book but read the one on Queen Bees and King Pin dads.. the rampant use of tech to abuse is really frustrating for parents and teachers.
over 2 years ago
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- juliepippert 9 comments
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In this article, the author and experts assert that teasing is a good thing and we ought to teach kids to accept it. Author Samantha Cleaver wrote, "Teasing is misunderstood because it is often confused with bullying, which has a strictly negative impact. The way to distinguish between the two is by the intent. The goal of teasing is to create closer relationships and make connections. The goal of bullying is to harm. Teasing turns into bullying when kids use it to gain greater social status."
She also added, "When kids make fun of their friends without aggression or any intention of hurting their feelings, it’s called positive or productive teasing. This kind of behavior, says Mills, a communications professor at the University of Alabama, helps kids build relationships and use humor to address taboo topics or handle sticky situations. According to Dacher Keltner, a psychology professor at the University of California, Berkeley, 60 to 70 percent of the teasing young kids do is positive. If we don’t let kids tease at all, says Keltner, we stop the majority of teasing that helps kids form bonds and navigate social situations. “Teasing is a way to handle the conflicts of our social lives in less aggressive ways.”
Kids of all ages use positive teasing to forge friendships and gain understanding."
What do you think?
http://www2.scholastic.com/browse/article.jsp?id=3752630
over 2 years ago
rosalindwiseman
Julie--I think a general rule about teasing is that people no matter what theiri age shouldn't make fun of someone for how they look or come across (like how they walk, speak, dress) Now of course, as I write this I am realizing I do this to my mom--tease her about what color lipstick she wears--so I may need to apologize to her after this. But seriously, coral with dark red lip liner isn't a good look for her. OK I am calling right after.
over 2 years ago
juliepippert
Teasing tends to send my kids into a big mad with their friends. Or what I perceive as teasing. Someone says something to get a laugh from peers, and too often kids (including my own) feel that it comes at their expense. E.g., "Ha ha ha it's the chicken run because you run like a chicken," (do imitation). Or even "Hey there string bean!" (peers laugh). It can made self-conscious kids really hurt. So...how do we keep the "okay" from the "not okay distinct and help our kids figure out when something is playful versus hurtful? (I admit -- clearly *I* don't even have that straight!)
over 2 years ago
juliepippert
Can you help us get that distinct and clear?
over 2 years ago
Becki
I have always had lots of "gentle teasing" with family and friends. But I can tell, and I think kids can, too, when something that purports to be "gentle teasing" is really someone getting passive-aggressive. Then, when that person gets called on it, they usually respond by calling the person the comment was directed at hypersensitive, or saying that they can't take a joke.
over 2 years ago
AmyMcCready
Rosalind - how do you recommend that kids "hold others responsible" when they are cruel? These are skills we need to practice with our kids so they are prepared when/if the time comes.
over 2 years ago
rosalindwiseman
I completely agree. Teasing can be a sign of friendship. We really need to get clear about what's teasing and what I call "verbal cutting" where the person is intentionally using information about you--usually in a public setting--to humiliate you. We have to get clear so kids can continue to have fun with each other and hold those responsible when they are being cruel.
over 2 years ago
juliepippert
That's how I felt, Emily, and what I told the writer when I spoke to her (note no quotes from me lol!). I comprehend "joking" and "finding the shared humor" as good bonding and for handling tricky social situations, but neither of those (usually) entail any form of mockery. When it involves mockery, it falls into teasing for me, which is unacceptable like bullying. I just don't perceive a "fair intent" in teasing.
over 2 years ago
Brandie
I think I see my girls do some of this playful teasing - there are times I want to stop it, but after reading Playful Parenting I realized it was actually good for them to get it out that way - in a way were they are giggling and laughing and both okay with doing it. They often do backwards talk - really, I'd call it opposite talk - nad you'll hear them say to each other (while cracking up) "I hate you. You are ugly." etc etc. Like I said, it bothers me so much. I don't play that game with them, but I've stopped trying to prevent them from playing. But it's hard to take - but as I said I allow it, and it took reading Playful Parenting for me to realize that was healthy and good for them to do it.
over 2 years ago
Emily
I'm trying to imagine the situations where this is really the case. Does teasing really help us navigate social situations. It seems to me that more often it's used to create buy-in for ideas and bullying.
over 2 years ago
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- velvet1116 5 comments
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Its so sad that girls have to be mean. I remember when I started my daughter in a dance class. I loved it when I was in dance when I was a kid so I thought my daughter would love it. I brought her. I noticed a difference in her , I would bring her and wait . Once ,after the 3 times of being she started to cry on the way to dance class . I talked to her and she said the girl were mean and she didn't want to go anymore.
These are 9 year old girls and I was ticked off! I went to the dance studio and didn't bring her in but I went in and gave an ear full to the owner. I told him that shame on him for allowing these girls to be mean and take dance away from my daughter! Shame on these mean girls. I never went back but the wonderful world of dance was taken from my daughter.
I always stood up for myself and told my children to stand up for them self. I also told them if someone was being mean to someone and you saw it ,step in and stop it!
There is no reason in the world to hurt someone,no matter what the age .
over 2 years ago
Becki
What a shame that your daughter had to miss out on something she might have really enjoyed otherwise. I know not all girls are going to like all other girls, but I wish it could just be live and let live--why go out of your way to be mean?
over 2 years ago
velvet1116
I should say this happened a few years ago. I didn't yell at the studio owner but I did let him know . I also know he didn't do a thing. I talked to him on the phone a few day later and he wanted to know if I was bringing my daughter back. I couldn't put her through it at that dance studio. She is a good kid and very shy and it really hurt her. I could not even get her to go to another dance studio. We talked and she just didn't want to go . I felt that I didn't want her hurt and even getting into the car she would just start crying. That is not what dance is about,it should be enjoyed,looked forward to ,make friends and dance! My daughter broke her arm at a baseball game for her brother,it didn't look broke just a small red line. I got some ice from the EMT's and they checked her arm,they asked as they moved it ,"Does that hurt" and she just shook her head no. I looked at it and brought her to the ER. As soon as she was in the car ,she started to cry,saying ,"They hurt me". I felt so bad. Her arm was broke and the Dr put a cast on it. In front of people she wouldn't say anything but she would let me know . Thats why I didn't have her go back to dance class. I didn't want her hurt. I just wish that the dance instructors kept an eye on the kids better and not allowing them to be mean
over 2 years ago
Brandie
Yeah, I wouldn't give up on dance 100%. Also, keep in mind, kids can be great at hiding it - looking all sweet and innocent one minute, and plotting meanness in the next. I probably wouldn't have yelled at the dance owner to start. I think I would have approached him with this is happening and what will you do to prevent it? And seen what happened after that. And switching studios is an option too. I like Julie's approach too - straightforward, simple, and yet it isn't inflamatory and emotional - which can often just ramp up the other person which can lead to more fighting/etc.
over 2 years ago
Emily
I like the straight forward approach here. Easier for moms than kids, I think.
over 2 years ago
juliepippert
I'm so sorry that you and your daughter experienced that! My girls were okay at the dance studio we used to go to, but we changed this year and all of the sudden I see how much better it can be! The studio owner is a true sweetheart and she is all about kindness, encouragement and support. Her teachers are the same way. My girls are shining. Maybe it's as simple as a new dance studio -- so if she likes dance, she hasn't lost that. Children are children, though, and someone acting mean always crops up. I always think about the best phrase a good friend suggested and it was, "Why do you want to {insert word such as "be mean"} that way?" Just stated simply. It's a wonder worker.
over 2 years ago
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- PineappleGirl53 4 comments
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A Queston for Rosalind during the chat:
How can I encourage my 10 yo 5th grader who was the subject of mean girls in SECOND grade and a grudge bully girl who has been in and out of her classes since preschool (when this began) to relax about making friends. She is so attuned to 'mean' she (I think) overreacts and is unable to relax into friendships. She has a few that last for a few months and then they peter out.
She also experiences bullies (girls) in swim club of all ages. They also do what is termed 'relational aggression'.
I also had these situations when I was young so -- very sadly -- I am inept in how to help her very well.
THANK YOU!
over 2 years ago
Deborah
Hi PineappleGirl53, I am so sorry you are dealing with this and for so long. I hope Rosalind's book is helpful and you know that you have support here, in theMotherhood. ( I have boys...but thought this talk was so informative and good) Glad you are here!!!
over 2 years ago
PineappleGirl53
THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH Rosalind. We had planned to read Chapter Two together this past weekend but schoolwork and other things took precedence. I will endeavor to do it this coming weekend when we can spend alot of time discussing the points. She has confronted the reoccurring bully girl, in fact last week and said she'd moved past this pre-school issue and would this girl please do the same. The girl came back with aNOTHER issue. It's like she is just a grudge holder and there is nothing that can appease this chick. We will look for scripts in the book. Thanks so much. PG
over 2 years ago
rosalindwiseman
Here's what I would suggest thinking about for your daughter. From what you're telling me she is having a pattern of behavior where kids are targeting her and its gotten to the point where she's seeing it and it ver attuned to it. She may be anticipating the behavior. All of that makes her a target for the socially aggressive kids. She does need to react but she needs to react by taking any measure of control--and you can help her to do that. By helping her articulate exactly what she doesn't like. By strategizing where she would confront the bully etc. And you both need to do this and just because you struggled with this doesn't mean you can't help her. I go into this in way greater detail in the book but hopefully that's a start.
over 2 years ago
rosalindwiseman
Your situation is one of the reasons why I added a chapter in the new book for younger girls and tweens. People are always asking if its normal for girls this age to be mean--and unfortunately it is but it doesn't make it right. What I would say to you is that your daughter is in danger of being targeted because she is so attuned to it--that means they will get a reaction from her. She does need to react to it but in a way where she takes some measure of control. It also sounds like you are battling this together and just because you struggled with it doesn't mean you can't help her. You can practice with her what she wants to say in those situations so she is standing her ground. Strategize where she would confront the mean kids etc. I have tons of scripts for this in the new Queen Bees.
over 2 years ago
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- rosalindwiseman 15 comments
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One of the things I'd really like to hear from you all today is about how our interactions as girls and young women have shaped who we have become. How do you think it has impacted you as mothers, wives, at work, and in your friendships?
over 2 years ago
Deborah
Amy and Julie, please do not leave out Sonny and Cher in the list of talent:)
over 2 years ago
magpie
In many ways, I think I was well served by having attended a women's college. It taught me to be me - and not to rely on others, especially men.
over 2 years ago
Deborah
Brandie, I too was raised to care deeply what perfect strangers thought of me. It did NOT serve me well and I learned that the very hard way in middle school. So, I began to not care what others would think and only what I thought and those that I loved and respected thought. I mean, all my dad would have to say would be " I'm disappointed in you" and I would be a puddle. Still. But, the guy down the street thinks I'm what's wrong with this country and my reply is " I wish it was!!!!" ;)
over 2 years ago
KidBean
Brandie, when I was growing up my mother was always concerned about what other people thought. She still is. Like you, I feel like I've mostly gotten away from it. After all, I have chosen a life quite out of the mainstream. But conflicts can still be difficult for me, too. I've been working hard the last few years on being more assertive--largely because of my desire to be a better role model for my daughter as she gets older (she's 10 now!).
over 2 years ago
Deborah
KidBean, I so love your last line..."I work for equality in my marriage, and strive to be a devoted, understanding & forgiving friend...to always remember how far each of us has to come." I love that!!!
over 2 years ago
Brandie
As far as thinking abotu what others things you of you and confrontation - I was raised to a) always worry about what the neighbors thought. I heard it a lot growing up - what would the neighbors think if they saw you now? I can remember for a time thinking that was the dumbest hing ever because I didn't care, and then I started to internalize it and became hyper-aware of what everyone around me must be thinking. Yikes! Now, I mostly back to not caring except, confrontation and me, we are not friends. It's so hard for me to do it and something has to have me super upset and bothered, and with some people, I just know, I'll never ever confront them. I'm not sure confrontation will ever be easy or come naturally. Thankfully I don't have many times when it is an issue and I can do it most of the time. But, man, I think a lot of those things have to do with how I was raised and were opinions not formed by interactions with other girls.
over 2 years ago
KidBean
Rosalind, why do you think those 20-something women are terrified to confront female bosses or co-workers?
over 2 years ago
Deborah
Becki, that would be my take away as well!!! I would also say that I care very little what people I do not know think of me. That has served me well. And I think I've passed that on to my kids...to be someone that they are proud to be...not someone, someone else wants them to be.
over 2 years ago
juliepippert
I should add that as a mom, this is my baggage, and it can cause me to be hypervigilant or over-react (at least in my head lol) for my own girls. That's why i value touchstones like Queen Bees and Wannabes.
over 2 years ago
Brandie
I was teased. A lot. A lot as a kid, and I was always told to ignore it, walk away (which for the record, I do not believe ignoring it makes it go away at all). I am highly emotional, so try as I might, tears always sprang up. I have vivid memories of literally the whole class laughing at me at recess. You never forget the kids who were nice to you and then end up teasing you right along with everyone else ya know? I don't have many friends right now - I think a lot is it's hard to make friends when your chasing after your kids all day, but I also know I probably make it hard for people to befriend because there's still a part of me that says you're a loser. You are a nerd and they will laugh at you. I think this voice has lost a lot of power over recent years - but I won't lie - it's still there. I got some counseling to deal with anxiety issues - including social anxiety and we talked about this a lot. Now, I don't think this teasing caused the anxiety, I think my normal level is high compared to most, but it didn't help with it either, kwim?
over 2 years ago
Cooper
How can that trust be built? If interactions with females always had a question mark around them, how can the 20-somethings learn to trust the women they work with?
over 2 years ago
KidBean
My knowledge of the personal histories of the women in my family and of the girls with whom I grew up has filled my heart with both pains and with inspiration. I don't think I'll ever "put it behind me". Last Friday I stood with other women at our weekly peace vigil and also to bring awareness to the recent study that found 1 in 3 women enlisted in the US military are raped. From my experiences and interactions with girls and young women, I have chosen to be an activist for women's rights, an advocate for children, and a homeschooling parent. I work for equality in my marriage, and strive to be a devoted, understanding, & forgiving friend... to always remember how far each of us has come.
over 2 years ago
rosalindwiseman
But I get a lot of questions from women in the 20's who are having problems in the workplace because they are so terrified to confront female bosses or co-workers when they have a conflict with them. I want women to be able to support each other and it seems so hard to even speak up at all.
over 2 years ago
juliepippert
I grew up in a move every year or every other year life. I got very good at making new friends, but never developed the skill of maintaining long-term -- and would often be perplexed when dealing with long-term. We landed for all four years of high school but unfortunately in a place that was Mean Girls as a rule, and Kind Girls as an exception. I recently got back in touch with my two best girlfriends in high school. We admitted we had fun together, but were still trying to deal with the meanness. So yes I've carried those friend interactions into adulthood, where I've encountered amazing women who are fabulous and also more mean girls grown up. I'm still trying to figure out how it has affected me long-term, but I think one thing is I continue to be challenged by finding and forming healthy friendships, versus alliances or unhealthy ones. It does make me value my friends greatly and respect the wonderful women I do know and like!
over 2 years ago
Becki
I think the effect on me has been to take away the importance of having a small core group of true friends, and to not care that much about a broader popularity. The lesson has served me well.
over 2 years ago
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- Emily 6 comments
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We're giving away copies of TWO of Rosalind's books to THREE winners!!! We'll draw winners at 1:55 pm ET from everyone who participates in the Talk today. Jump right in everyone to enter to win. Here are her books: Good luck everyone!!!!
over 2 years ago
Emily
Hi winners - send me a message through TheMotherhood or email me at emily@themotherhood.com with your addresses, and we'll get the books to you! Congratulations!!!!
over 2 years ago
blueroses
Wow! I'm so excited I won! Do I need to send an email w/address, etc.? I can't wait to get reading!
over 2 years ago
Brandie
Oh wow! Thanks! I can't wait to read them =)
over 2 years ago
teapot100
awesome! thank you so much for doing this chat - going to read all the responses now that I have a bit of an idea of how this thing works, lol
over 2 years ago
Emily
We have THREE winners!!!!!! And they are ..... BlueRoses, Teapot100 and Brandie!!!!!! You each will get copies of two of Rosalind's books (above). Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
over 2 years ago
Emily
We're giving away three copies of both books in just a few minutes. If you've been hovering, thinking about posting, now's your chance to dive in! You might just win Rosalind's wonderful books!!!
over 2 years ago
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- rosalindwiseman 14 comments
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In 2002 when QB's first pubbed, one of the things I was seeing a lot was that parents wanted to be best friends with their kids. Now, I think it's a little different. Now it seems parents don't want their children to get mad at them and therefore won't hold them accountable for bad behavior in a way that the kid can take seriously. This week, I received one of my all-time favorite emails from an 8th grade girl who is furious at me and her mother. It's a good example of a punishment that works because the child is complaining. At first read, you might be repulsed by her entitlement, but there are some real learning opportunities here. (I didn't edit the email, so excuse the spelling.)I just thought you needed to know how IMPOSSIBLE you have made my life.
Ok, so because of you my mom thinks she is the shit, and she has made
my life miserable. First of all, she thinks texting is like satin. I'm
not even kidding, cancer and texting go in the same category for her.
And now I dont have it, have no chance of getting it, and have to
endure lectures like ONCE A MONTH on how it ruins people's lives. So
I would just like you to know, that b/c of your book my mom has made me
a joke in this world. I'm 13 now and its not that big of a deal that I
dont have it but what happens in high school? I will be the LAUGHING
STOCK OF THE SCHOOL!Its not even fair and now
since you dug me in this mess, you get to dig me out. You are going to
come up w/ an INGENIOUS way to get me texting, whether convincing her
or figuring out a way for me to get a new plan. And if you don't, this
will be on your conscience. You have made an 8th grader's life hell
and I officially HATE my mom b/c of her over righteous attitude your
insane books gave her permission to flaunt. I suggest you respond...Questions for you:What's your first reaction?What do you think is really going on here?And what would you do if you found out your daughter had done this?
over 2 years ago
Becki
I think that possibly the mom here doesn't really understand how important this issue is in this child's world. It would probably be helpful for her to be able to hear that. But I don't think she's a bad mom, just one who doesn't realize how much the world has changed between her girlhood and her daughter's. And I still think she gets to make the final call here.
over 2 years ago
Deborah
Amy, that's what I'm thinking....this is about so much more than texting and language that makes adults prickly.
over 2 years ago
juliepippert
Do any of you here carry any hesitations about addressing a female co-worker or boss at work? Have you ever done that and had a negative or positive experience? Curious about this with our community.
over 2 years ago
AmyMcCready
As I read this...I thought - this is not about texting. There is so much more going on here. There is so much anger in this girl's message. While it sounds like "entitlement" and "brattiness" - it screams of a child who doesn't feel "listen to" or "understood." I think this mom needs to begin with some serious relationship-repair focus and work on communication strategies that will make her daughter feel "heard and understood."
over 2 years ago
rosalindwiseman
Deborah--so funny! I tell my sons the same thing about picking me as their mom!
over 2 years ago
Brandie
Wow - this e-mail just made my jaw hit the ground. Your response was great I think. But she's reaching out to you - and I am going to go out on limb here and since texting was completely banned (while being allowed before based on her e-mail) and she's reaching out to you with a lot of anger, I'm guessing there are some communication issues between daughter and mom, and maybe some healing in the relationship,. Because this screams out crying for help to me - even though she's obviously angry and upset and probably about 100 other different emotions.
over 2 years ago
Becki
1. I think she's snotty and entitled. Having a hard time getting past that! 2. I'm not sure. She sounds a little panicked, to be honest. 3. Probably tell her she's entitled to her feelings, but that I have to make my decisions based on what I believe is best for her. I'd probably let her vent, and I'd probably agonize later over whether I was doing the right thing.
over 2 years ago
Deborah
My first reaction is: She's not getting her way. I think that is what's going on here. If I had a daughter ( 2 boys for me ) I'd listen to their complaint and then say...I'm the mom and you're the daughter, it's your job to test the boundaries and my job to set them and reinforce them. You are doing your job well. But, out of all the moms in the world you picked me. I'm yours. I love you even when you believe you hate me. It's hard being a teenager, I remember. It's hard. I choose to do what it right for you even if that makes me a horrible mom in your eyes or the eyes of your friends. It doesn't matter to me how your friend's parents choose to parent their children. You matter to me. (Alright, this is almost the same speech my OWN son receives when I am not in line with his thinking...though, he's never said he hated me) I am not my children's friend. I am their mom and sometimes that role is not fun.
over 2 years ago
Emily
Oh, that is SO SMART!!!!!!
over 2 years ago
juliepippert
1. oh no, that will be my younger daughter in a few years! (2) A child is reacting to her mother -- and her mother's perceived ally (you) -- setting a boundary she is fearful of (3) I literally have no idea. i know a few things that would bother me -- the language, the tone, the demands,the lashing out, etc. especially to someone I respect -- and I'd want to address that but mostly I'd want to get at some solution.
over 2 years ago
Emily
Incredible. And yes, great that she's in communication. And I'm so curious about the dynamic that's' going on between her and her mother that this conversation is all about absolutes. Is that really the answer - no texting at all?
over 2 years ago
rosalindwiseman
Cooper--I was stunned too when I read it. But this is how I answered her: Since she was straight up with me, I was going to be straight up with her and told her that if she wanted to convince me that she was responsible enough to handle texting then she had failed because the way she came at me told me she would be a nightmare with kids her own age. Can you imagine how horrible she'd be on IM? AS her mom, I would say, until you can prove to me in other ways (your computer use, chores around the house and in general the way I see you interact with your friends) then you don't get to text. When I see improvement, we can talk.
over 2 years ago
KidBean
1. I think it's great that she (the child) chose to DO something about her feelings, to communicate them to someone else. 2. The child is feeling a significant shift in the power paradigm in her relationship with her mom and that's unsettling at best, maybe a little scary. 3. I'd praise her for communicating her feelings and talk with her about ways to address her underlying concerns (i.e. being different, not having the same privileges as others).
over 2 years ago
Cooper
1) I am stunned 2) She's trying to keep talking with you 3) If this was my daughter, I'd love to know from you advice on what to do next!
over 2 years ago
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- rosalindwiseman 5 comments
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The mom who sent in this question understandably made assumptions that all of us make when our kids are in pain after being rejected by other kids. It's often challenging for me to talk to parents about the things that they do that can make it harder for kids' conflicts to be addressed effectively for two reasons:1. Parents don't take into consideration that the children who are excluding their child feel justified in doing so. 2. They believe that what their child is telling them is the only truth. What do you think is a good way to address parents on this subject in way that they can hear without shutting down?
over 2 years ago
Becki
This has always been difficult for me--separating my own issues from my kids' issues. But it's so much harder to figure out what they need if I don't do that first.
over 2 years ago
AmyMcCready
Oops! TYPO - the creative outlet will bring her JOY not a JOB! Well - maybe - you never know! :)
over 2 years ago
AmyMcCready
I just had a chance to view this video! I appreciate Rosalind's message to parents. I think one of the things we have to help our kids understand is what they CAN control and what they can't. They can't control whether others like them or view them as "weird" but they can control how they react to that situation. I love Rosalind's focus on what the daughter in this example CAN control - focusing her creativity, etc. in positive ways that will bring her job and help her connect with like-minded friends. Those other girls may never like her - but that shouldn't be her focus.
over 2 years ago
juliepippert
This is the "check your baggage" point that I always value from you but have such a hard time doing. I think a key question I ask myself when trying to check my baggage is, "Why is this worrying/bothering me, and is it worrying/bothering my daughter?"
over 2 years ago
Emily
You raise such good points here. Kids always know when parents have something at stake in particular conversations, so understanding our own motivation is incredibly important. Also, looking for ways for our kids to find others with shared interests - such a good idea if things start getting complicated at school. I read that kids can have an easier time in the middle school years if they have different groups of friends - say through sports, other extracurricular activities, church or temple. Your advice seems to fit right in with that!
over 2 years ago
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- KidBean 3 comments
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Rosalind, in your experience, how often is meanness in girls traceable to feelings of not being heard/respected/empowered?
over 2 years ago
KidBean
Thanks, Deborah!! My husband and I often disagree on friendship. He is so much less forgiving and can dismiss people so quickly. I wonder how much of that is because of his gender...
over 2 years ago
rosalindwiseman
KidBean--I think there are two reasons women are so afraid to confront. Girls aren't taught to value their reasons for being angry--they sit on their feelings, sometimes blow up about something small--which lets other people ridicule them. So we aren't raised to communicate our anger in a way that we have a good chance of being taken seriously. The other of course is that you feel like the power imbalance is so huge that you'll be fired if you say anything.
over 2 years ago
juliepippert
Wow, great Q!
over 2 years ago
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- Becki 3 comments
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My seven year old daughter is in second grade. She is not actively teased, but she doesn't seem to have any close friends, either. Even her teacher notes that the class is very "clique-ish." My daughter regularly mentions not having anyone to play with at recess, or having her attempts to join a group be rebuffed. In general, she doesn't seem miserable or overly traumatized by it, but I still feel bad for her and would welcome suggestions on how to help.
over 2 years ago
rosalindwiseman
First overall, I think its really important for parents to remember that its better to have one good friend you know you can trust than a large group of friends where the winds are constantly shifting. First be careful about projecting--and it would be really hard not to. I know I would struggle with that. But I would say to the daughter like, " I know you're telling me that it's hard to play with other kids at school. Are there kids who share any interests you have like drawing, etc than maybe we can talk to the teacher about having space during recess where kids who are interested in that can hang out?"
over 2 years ago
Brandie
I'm sorry Becki. At least she isn't traumatized by it. Are there other ways your daughter can reach out and make friends? In the neighborhood, in a club you join, etc, etc? and also, if the teacher/schools are aware the kids are cliquish, are they doing anything to try to stomp that out?
over 2 years ago
juliepippert
I feel for you, Becki. This is what we went through last year, only by Spring, we learned bullying -- some girls acting mean and exclusionary, telling kids not to play with certain kids -- was at the heart of it. I hope you get some good suggestions -- know you will.
over 2 years ago
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- Cooper 3 comments
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I keep thikning about the email from the 8th grader you posted earlier. It feels like the genie is out of the bottle here - she's found her anger and power and thinks she can say/do whatever she wants. How does a kid find respect for or kindness toward grown-ups after setting the stage like she has there?
over 2 years ago
juliepippert
I wonder if this behavior is typical/common for this child or not. if this was a big surprise, 'I've never seen her like this," then maybe it's the issue, not the lack of respect. if it's common, then I *do* really wonder how you teach a kid that age to change a probably longheld pattern!
over 2 years ago
Brandie
I stil say there is more to this than that e-mail and probably a fractured relationship between the mom and daughter, which I'm guessing was there prior to the no texting rule and that was just the proverbial straw for the daughter. I read a lot of anger in that e-mail, and I think in terms of her finding respect/kindness/etc is going to start with her mom and her working on their relationship first. I could be way off, and maybe she's just spoiled, but I find that few kids are ever just spoiled and it goes way deeper than that almost all of the time.
over 2 years ago
Becki
Cooper, I'm still struggling to get past the way she felt entitled to snark at Rosalind--"you got me into this, now you get me out." I think bottom line is parents have to say simply and clearly, "This is not an acceptable way to talk to an adult." For that matter, we have to let them know what is an acceptable way to talk to/about a friend. It's not cool for us to tell them, "It's mean to talk behind someone's back," then five minutes later go back to gossiping with our friends about someone else.
over 2 years ago
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- AmyMcCready 3 comments
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So much of this issue with girls worrying about what others think and being prey to bullying is also about their need for external validation. There are several recent articles about the dangers of Praise (Po Bronson, Dr. Carol Dweck, etc.) that warn about the perils of creating an EXTERNAL locus of control in kids. They become so concerned about how others view them - as opposed to responding according to their INTERNAL compass.
A child with an external locus of control feels stress and anxiety about the mean girls. A child with a strong internal locus of control will respond with - "Oh well, they don't like me - but I know I'm okay."
over 2 years ago
rosalindwiseman
Sure some girls do carry it on but not all do. But what I think is SO important is that as a parent who isn't like that you have to (at the best of your ability and any other parent in your home) needs to be a visible parent leader in your school community. And don't let them speak for you!!!! As in when parents like that say, "I know I speak for all the parents here when I say..." I hate that!
over 2 years ago
Emily
Oh, that's such great perspective, Rosalind. Of course, girls will see through them and understand what the moms are up to. Not necessarily when they're very young but soon.
over 2 years ago
Becki
I would be content if she did have one really good close girlfriend. But although many of the girls in her class seem to like her, they are all paired off with a "best" friend, and there's no room for her in those dyads. The teacher does encourage everyone to be kind and inclusive, but we all know that there's no way a teacher can force that.
over 2 years ago
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- juliepippert 7 comments
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I'm going to change it up a bit lol. Now my daughter has had mean directed at her and we've had to deal with that, but she's not completely innocent of sending out her own mean. She can be bossy sometimes, and can get rude to friends when they don't do things her way. Also, she can be somewhat introverted and need her alone time, or be very protective about her personal space. In those times, she can be a little too honest about that, e.g., "I don't want to play with you. I'm going to have more fun by myself!" Slam door. I remind her constantly in these situations that having ideas or wanting to be alone is okay, but she needs to state her position with courtesy, and we talk about how to do that. I'm still waiting for it to show up lol. Any suggestions??
over 2 years ago
Brandie
My oldest is bossy too. And her number one complaint of others - they're too bossy. How do you deal with that? Sometimes I laugh - she doens't like it, but I can't help it. A bossy child complaining of others being bossy? I have seen a change since spring in her. She's a lot more willing to let go and give someone else control. Sadly, I'm pretty sure I played no role in that and chalk a lot of it up to maturity and realizing that she was doing the same thing she was complaining of - which I did point out to her, but it was always met with the "mo-om. that's not helping" so I think it came more from her self-realizing than anything I said. I don't know though. And Julie - she'll be 10 shortly and at 8 I thought that she was just going to grow up and steamroll anyone who didn't listen to her. I dont' worry about that so much anymore.
over 2 years ago
Deborah
I say " how are you teaching ( insert name) how to treat you? " It becomes a conversation.
over 2 years ago
Deborah
Rosa;lind, you would mind if I pu that mantra on my fridge, would you? "It's a long road to make a decent human being" Love that!!!!
over 2 years ago
rosalindwiseman
Just wanted to add something here. In general, while I'm in 100% agreement about teaching your child the value of treating others as you would like to be treated, saying that your child usually makes them tune out. It's one of those phrases parents are supposed to say. I would suggest getting way more unfront-- like as your mother, it is critical that you get putting someone down etc. is against what this family stands for and that's just what you did.
over 2 years ago
juliepippert
Yes, she's not quite 8, my girl. She will always be exactly who she is -- which is an awesome kid -- but also a very forthright one. :) Rosalind, will try to think long drive, and blueroses, yes, I try to remind her, and I think it's better, marginally sometimes lol.
over 2 years ago
blueroses
I can relate. My daughter is (I think) probably older than your daughter, but believe me when I say I have witnessed her being insensitive to other girls and vice versa. She is 14, and I find teenage girls can be absolutely brutal to one another. I try to tell my daughter to treat others the way she would want to be treated. Now, as any parent knows... they don't always listen and aren't always able to see the other side of situations. However, I've found that when she is sad because another girl called her a name, that is a good time to gently mention that she doesn't like the way that feels so she should never do it to someone else, and I think being on the other side of the fence helps bring home the point. Maybe if your daughter is every in the opposite situation, such as a child not wanting to play with her, you could relate the two instances to show her other people have the same feelings she does.
over 2 years ago
rosalindwiseman
Its a long road to make a decent human being. I remind myself that every day with my own kids.
over 2 years ago
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- Bobbi-Sue 7 comments
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What about the idea that you can tell which girls won't be your daughter's friends by how the moms treat you? In my daughter's school there are groups of moms (who dress like kids themselves) and work hard to create their circle of cool friends. They go on vacation together and generally leave out everyone they think don't fit in. Aren't they just modeling bad behavior for their daughters?
over 2 years ago
rosalindwiseman
Just saw this. Dressing alike? There are so many things wrong with that. Yes, they are modeling the behavior for their daughters. Mom cliques are not abnormal but one where they all wear matching outfits is a scary hybrid I don't see very often.
over 2 years ago
Brandie
In general grown women trying to act like they are 18 again just rubs me the wrong way. On the other hand, some groups aren't clicky per se, but it can be hard to be the new person and I think some people give up too easily and use they're clicky as an excuse to do so. Clearly, not always the case, but something to keep in mind I think too. So how can you balance that, especially when you are the newcomer and feeling like the outsider to begin with?
over 2 years ago
teapot100
Do they really see through it? At my daughters' school, I see the torch being passed down from mother to daughter time and time again and it pervades every activity that the kids are involved in from soccer to PTO-sponsored after school enrichment activities to girl scouts. It gets discouraging after awhile.
over 2 years ago
Deborah
I think she's found her anger, but I don't think she's found her power.
over 2 years ago
juliepippert
Great Q! In my humble and nonexpert anecdotally based opinion, I think there's a lot of truth in this. Absolute? No way. But, I have anecdotally found it to be true more times than not. I can't wait to see what Rosalind thinks.
over 2 years ago
rosalindwiseman
Yes they are modeling bad behavior but I guarantee that those women don't see it like that--or the vast majority of them don't. They think that they have been friends forever and they like hanging our with each other--the same explanations girls give me. But as girls get older they often see through the mom clique--to their benefit. Its one of the things they do to authentically grow up--whether they are 15 or 35.
over 2 years ago
Jinny
They're definitely not modeling good behavior!
over 2 years ago
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- Brandie 7 comments
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What do you think of letting girls read the gossip magazines aimed at them? We haven't bought them for our daughters, but one of my dd's friends reads Tigerbeat, etc, and IMO, they are pure gossip magazines that encourage people to talk about others, judge others, give tips on how to be "cool", etc, and I don't know how to balance that. So far it's okay that we don't buy them, but I know the day is coming where it will be a fight. So am I being too uptight? Or is there a way to temper what's in them or what?
over 2 years ago
BusyMamatoFour
I don't let my daughter (11) read them and I have stopped reading them....but I must admit that I do read some of the gossip online. I recognize that is one of my problems and try to avoid it!
over 2 years ago
AmyMcCready
I'm embarrassed to say that "People" magazine is still the first one I'll pick up if I'm in a doctor's office waiting. :(
over 2 years ago
juliepippert
Amy I LOVED Marie Osmond back then but somehow missed that book! (I also loved Capt & Tenille & Tony Orlando so take my taste for what it's worth LOL!!!!!!)
over 2 years ago
Brandie
Well, to be fair, I do NOT read those magazines - I can't stand them. I also can't stand shows like ET or other TV shows like that. They aren't on in my house. The kids have asked me before why I don't like them and I tell them. So one hand, it's not a case of do as I say, not as I do. But when I was teen, I read them - so I know the desire of wanting them LOL!
over 2 years ago
rosalindwiseman
Marie Osmond!!!! So funny!
over 2 years ago
AmyMcCready
This reminds me of being in 6th grade or so and ordering the "Marie Osmond How to be Popular" book!! Talk about an EXTERNAL locus of control! :) It also gives you an idea of how old I am when my teen role model was Marie Osmond! These magazines are so damaging to the self-image of young girls and old gals, as well. It's depressing for all of us to compare ourselves to the image of "perfection" in the media.
over 2 years ago
rosalindwiseman
I think you use those mags as an opportunity to teach your child media literacy by asking her things like, what is this teaching you about what a girl is supposed to look like? Act like--especially around boys? And you can't read those mags yourself like OK etc. In any casem you can't read them without wanting to pull in your stomach and that's annoying.
over 2 years ago
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- magpie 0 comments
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Bummer - missed the beginning of this. Will have to read later.
over 2 years ago
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- BusyMamatoFour 7 comments
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My oldest daughter, age 11 has such a terrible time making and keeping friends. I am sure that she contributes to it but there is one particular girl who seems to have made it her mission to strip my daughter of all and any friends. It started in first grade with my daughter coming home from school saying that "J" didn't like her. I asked her why she thought that and she said "I asked her." She asked "J" "Do you like me?" and she replied "Not really." I told her to just ignore her (I know...bad advice - before Queen Bees!) and play with other kids. She said she didn't want to. She wanted to be friends with her. This was the beginning of 5 years of drama. We even switched her to a private Catholic school for 4th grade and the girl switched schools the same year!
My daughter had a friend at the new school "A" and was really excited about being there with her. She and "A" were inseparable at first. Always having sleepovers, etc... Then "J" started to be nice to my daughter. My daughter was so excited that "J" finally wanted to be friends with her. Then "A" stopped coming over and my daughter seemed sad again. Turns out that now "J" and "A" were best friends. My daughter was depressed and sad about this but made a new friend - "D" Fast forward to the end of 5th grade and "J" is up to her old tricks. Now this year, 6th grade "J" has gotten "D" into her little group. So now "J", "A" and "D" are friends and my daughter is out. She was coming home in tears every day and I even had to start picking her up from school because the 40 min bus ride with them was so upsetting for her. She has nobody to sit with at lunch or talk to at recess.
She has since been included into one of the cliques in the class and seems much happier but I can't help being nervous for her. I think it is only a matter of time before "J" starts trying to stir up trouble there. I don't understand why she is not content to just not like my daughter. I don't understand why she seems determined to make sure that she doesn't have a friend in the world. I have encouraged her to confront her but she just won't do it. How do I help her to stand up for herself against this? Figure out what she could be doing to contribute to it? Change some of those behaviors without losing or changing herself? At what point do I get involved? Right now I am just trying to listen and not ask too many questions (she shuts down when I do). I have avoided speaking to the parents or the school at my daughter's request.
Hope this is not too long! It is years in the making and she is only my first of 4 daughters!!!
over 2 years ago
BusyMamatoFour
Thank you Julie! :-) I am still reading the book too.
over 2 years ago
juliepippert
In this chat, Rosalind said you can send questions through her web site and also check her video and answers to other questions that might match yours. I've done that and it was *so helpful*!
over 2 years ago
BusyMamatoFour
I know all the parents. "J"'s mother goes to my Church and is extremely nice. "J" is an only child - I think that contributes. When she doesn't get what she wants, she pouts and usually gets it. "A"'s mother is friend - not a close friend but a friend. "A" is an absolute sweetheart and a total follower. She is never mean to my daughter but wants to please "J" My daughter has begged me time and time again not to talk to parents or the school. I have been thinking about talking to the guidance counselor but since she has been happier and found some girls to hang out with at school I have refrained. My daughter told me that she would know if I talked to guidance because they would call her down. I just don't want her to stop talking to me about it. She already gets quiet and angry if I ask her too many questions.
over 2 years ago
Brandie
Ugh. My heart is breaking reading this. :-( I have no advice - although I like Julie's idea of talking to someone about this situation. And in the meantime, I will pray that J has gotten all that stuff out of her system and won't cause any more problems for your daughter ((hugs))
over 2 years ago
BusyMamatoFour
Thank you! My post sounds a little fragmented on the re-read. :) I could write a book on the situation.
over 2 years ago
juliepippert
How tough! Has you daughter spoken to J? Do you know the other parents at all? Is there someone to talk to, such as the parents or school?
over 2 years ago
Becki
I'm so sorry that she's gone through that, especially for so long. I wish I had some useful advice.
over 2 years ago
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- magpie 17 comments
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Have you talked about clothes? My first grader has convinced my husband that she needs Ugg boots - and he doesn't understand my problem with them. I think it's a step on the road to trashy clicquey teen behavior, and I won't have them in my house. Am I overreacting?
over 2 years ago
Quiltndollmaker
Boy am I behind the times...I had to google "ugg boots" to know what everyone is talking about. lol Umm, yes.. the I-pod my daugher took to school, that she bought, got broken recently in her book bag...as for the boots, my daughter had to buy her own and she found some look alikes that she could afford. Man they are clunky aren't they!!!
over 2 years ago
Brandie
Well, my daughter actually has a job - where she's pulling min. wage. So she'll be able to buy it by halloween I think. Although, we only let her have 20% of her checks. Everything else goes into savings. I wish it took her longer to save for it. Of course the job is only for 5 weeks, BUT she hasn't figured out how not to spend what we give her right away!
over 2 years ago
rosalindwiseman
Brandie--My children want the same things (they are 6 and 8). As of yet they've proven to be horrible at saving (I think their combined earnings as of now are at a whopping $20) so I'll let you know if we ever get to cross that bridge! ;)
over 2 years ago
Brandie
Oh yes. I wish we could turn all ads off. And they are everywhere you look. Blech. My 9 year old thinks she needs an i-pod touch. I don't. I won't buy it for her, so she's saving up for it. I guess if that's how she wants to drop a couple hundred dollars, but when she gets that money, I plan on showing her all the other stuff she could get instead. I just don't think she needs the touch. And I don't believe it won't get broken quickly.
over 2 years ago
Emily
That's just wrong. And as Rosalind said, the marketing is aimed at them and us. I hope maybe with these new economic times that some of these extravagances will go away!
over 2 years ago
rosalindwiseman
Media has gotten so much better an infiltrating our children's brains--and ours! Kids see this stuff everywhere, and then parents justify buying a $200 pair of boots they'll grow out of in a year with "they're so cute and so warm--AND have you heard? They are waterproof!
over 2 years ago
magpie
We live in a materialistic town - there was a kindergarten girl with Uggs last year. I avoid taking the kid shopping, for clothes or Halloween costumes - preferring on-line for regular stuff, and homemade for Halloween.
over 2 years ago
magpie
The Uggs in a toddler (!) size are $90. Good lord.
over 2 years ago
juliepippert
And high-heeled shoes. Especially high-heeled sandals! For kindergarten and 1st grade. My older I knew as soon as she felt how uncomfortable they were, she'd reject them. She's very practical and reliable (so far!) like that, thank goodness. My younger? Would suffer her heart to bleeding for fashion. Will need new rules for that!
over 2 years ago
Brandie
Yeah, why do people make their girls look trashy and then so many think it's cute. I just don't understand it.
over 2 years ago
Deborah
I hear you on all of this...and I have boys!!! I so appreciated moms that won't allow their daughters to be marketed to like...well, you know. And the trashy Halloween costumes? What is that? Gosh, I feel for all you moms of girls!!!
over 2 years ago
juliepippert
Emily, the Halloween costumes were unnecessarily vampy this year weren't' they? Even in TODDLER sizes! I'd gotten the heads-up here, thankfully, and so I told the kids the boundaries before we went looking. They've got super cute and age-appropriate costumes.
over 2 years ago
Brandie
How do first graders even know about Uggs? This is what I don't understand. When I was in first grade - I didn't know the first thing about designers and labels and brands! But I see it in my kids and their friends. And I hate it. And dude, my kids will NOT walk around in clothing like Julie described. Ugh. I hate seeing girls with those sorts of messages on their shirts.
over 2 years ago
juliepippert
Well i don't know anyone down here in Houston with Uggs so I guess I don't comprehend their appeal but they sound expensive and unnecessary and so on that principle I'd say yes! Mine hear me say, "That's an unnecessary expense," or "We don't need that," or "We're reducing, remember, ladies?"
over 2 years ago
Emily
And don't get me started on the trashy Halloween costumes! ;)
over 2 years ago
magpie
So you're with me on the Uggs? Good.
over 2 years ago
juliepippert
I have a similar feeling about Juicy and Juicy-esque clothing. My kids don't need to walk around with "Diva Brat" on their chest (or rear end) but you know me, lol.
over 2 years ago
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- Emily 6 comments
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We have learned a TON!!! I am going to come back here time and again to reread your wisdom. You have such a wonderful, positive approach to handling such a complicated, difficult topic - and your insights and understanding are so important for all of us! Thank you for being here, for being such a fabulous host and giving us all a fresh approach on Queen Bees and Wannabes.
over 2 years ago
Deborah
Thank you Rosalind!!! So great!!!
over 2 years ago
rosalindwiseman
Thank you all so much for having me here today--you asked so many great questions! (Though I think I might have carpal tunnel!) I'll stay for a few more minutes but remember you can always reach out to me through my website--I try to be good at getting back to people even though it's hard. We use real questions on the Rosalind's Inbox video series so please feel free to submit! www.rosalindwiseman.com
over 2 years ago
Brandie
Yes thank you! This chat was fabulous! =)
over 2 years ago
juliepippert
Awesome, absolutely awesome! Thanks!!
over 2 years ago
AmyMcCready
This was wonderful! Rosalind, Emily and Cooper - thanks for the opportunity! :)
over 2 years ago
Cooper
Thank you, this was incredible. Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!
over 2 years ago
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- Becki 0 comments
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Rosalind, thank you so much for doing this. I can't wait to scroll back through the archive and see all that I missed the first time.
over 2 years ago
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- rosalindwiseman 0 comments
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Thank you all so much for having me here today--you asked so many great questions! (Though I think I might have carpal tunnel!) I'll stay for a few more minutes but remember you can always reach out to me through my website--I try to be good at getting back to people even though it's hard. We use real questions on the Rosalind's Inbox video series so please feel free to submit! www.rosalindwiseman.com
over 2 years ago
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- rosalindwiseman 4 comments
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Thank you all so much for having me here today--you asked so many great questions! (Though I think I might have carpal tunnel!) I'll stay for a few more minutes but remember you can always reach out to me through my website--I try to be good at getting back to people even though it's hard. We use real questions on the Rosalind's Inbox video series so please feel free to submit! www.rosalindwiseman.com
over 2 years ago
Emily
What a great reminder! Everyone, definitely go to Rosalind's site to pose questions for her video response!!!!!!
over 2 years ago
rosalindwiseman
Media has gotten so much better an infiltrating our children's brains--and ours! Kids see this stuff everywhere, and then parents justify buying a $200 pair of boots they'll grow out of in a year with "they're so cute and so warm--AND have you heard? They are waterproof!"
over 2 years ago
KidBean
Thank you! So much useful information!
over 2 years ago
teapot100
Thank you so much for doing this chat, Rosalind. It's all very timely for myself and my girls!
over 2 years ago
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- LoraK 3 comments
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I wasn't able to join the chat until late, but enjoyed reading the string of comments and hope to read the new book soon--I especially liked your comments about separating the mom's baggage from the girl's. I just had an incident last week where something like this happened with my daughter's best friend (whose mom is also my friend, and yet I have recently felt like both of them are controlling and my daughter and I are too nice)--my husband was able to point out to me that in this particular situation, it was really more my issue and that helped me in resolving it.
over 2 years ago
Becki
I'm with you--often the issues are more mine than my kids', I find.
over 2 years ago
Emily
Such a great point! Spouses can sometimes have just the right amount of distance to see the bigger picture.
over 2 years ago
rosalindwiseman
Great example of how our spouses should not be left out of the equation in these discussions--in fact, they can be incredibly helpful to child and mom and strengthen the family as well.
over 2 years ago
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- Emily 0 comments
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Rosalind is in Newsweek this week, just two days after talking with us
here (congratulations Rosalind, and thanks for being here first!).
Here's the start of the piece by Barbara Kantrowitz and Pat Wingert:
Tips for handling social tech, from the author of the newly updated Queen Bees and Wannabes.Rosalind Wiseman's bestseller Queen Bees and Wannabes
struck a raw nerve with parents around the country when it first came
out seven years ago. Wiseman's frank discussion of Girl World opened up
what had been a hidden topic—how girls use social status as a kind of
weapon as they build friendships throughout adolescence. The book also
inspired the 2004 movie http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0377092/ , which had a happy ending when all the previously mean girls turned almost nice.
But
real life is rarely so simple. Two years ago, Wiseman realized that
many of the problems she described in her book were only getting worse
with the wider use of increasingly sophisticated technology, especially
texting and social networking. This month, she's out with an updated
version of http://www.randomhouse.com/catalog/display.pperl?isbn=9780307454447 that
offers savvy advice on how to handle such tricky new issues as online
bullying and "sexting"—texting sexually explicit images and messages.
Both books are based on Wiseman's experiences as an http://rosalindwiseman.com/ traveling around the country helping parents, teachers, and teenagers navigate the social storms of adolescence. http://www.newsweek.com/id/218846
over 2 years ago
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- Cooper 0 comments
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This is great -- Jan. 12: Rosalind Wiseman, author of “Boys, Girls, and Other Hazardous Materials,” speaks with TODAY’s Meredith Vieira about the ups and downs many teenagers face when entering high school.
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/26184891/vp/34821719#34821719
over 2 years ago
Tues, Oct 20 at 1 pm ET: Rosalind Wiseman, author of "Queen Bees & Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends and the New Realities of Girl World" - newly revised - is here to talk about mean behavior, however and wherever it shows up in our and our daughters' lives.
