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Talking Relationships, Body Image and Sex with Kristen Chase, The Mominatrix
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- Emily 0 comments
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We're looking forward to joining Kristen's virtual book tour, and timed to Father's Day no less. Here's a YouTube clip from her site.
over 2 years ago
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- Mominatrix 0 comments
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Good morning, sexy moms and dads! If you've got questions for myself or our panel of co-hosts, feel free to leave them here if you can't make our live talk. Looking forward to chatting with you - and special thanks to Zestra for sponsoring our talk today!
about 1 year ago
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- cararolinson 2 comments
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booo! I have an appointment to have my car inspected at 1 today - Can't wait to catch up with the convo later :) This one sounds QUITE fun! I'll try to tune in with my phone from the waiting area...
about 1 year ago
cararolinson
Haha! Ya know, I kinda thought about that after I typed it and since that was the nature of this Chat today, I left it! LOL In all seriousness, I am ACTUALLY having my car inspected LOL
about 1 year ago
Mominatrix
That's not a euphemism for something, is it? (Ha!).
about 1 year ago
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- magpie 3 comments
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So, it's not me, it's him. How do I get him to reconvene the procedure? He's fat, tired and depressed. Hell, I'm about to invest in toys.
about 1 year ago
Piper Heiney
Being overweight and suffering from a lack of libido are not infrequent symptoms of male depression. Is he willing to treat the medication, whether through meds, counseling or some combination?
about 1 year ago
Mominatrix
Well, ladies - this is pretty common, though not often discussed (you more frequently hear about female libido issues). I'd say a few things: a) Have you addressed all those issues (which all tie together) with him? And if so, how did he respond? I think that if they aren't addressed, then the sex thing might be moot right now. I'd be gentle and concerned, not angry, though it's understandable that you might be annoyed (or worse). b) Have you thought about doing things other than sex together that might alleviate one or more of the issues (join a gym together, 30 day shred, get out of the house together on a regular basis - etc.)? c) What can you do to make the situation better? It's impossible to change someone else, but is there anything that you can do? (And I write this knowing that you could be doing A LOT already - so it might even be just encouraging him to get help somehow). And yes, in the mean time, get some sex toys.
about 1 year ago
Habanerogal
wow it's like we share a hubby right there on the same page.
about 1 year ago
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- Emily 0 comments
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Hi everyone!
We are sooooo excited for this convo today!
And to add to the fun, Kristen is giving away copies of her book (!) - we'll draw randomly from participants as the hour unfolds - and Zestra is giving away 25 free samples of their essential arousal oils!! If you'd like a sample, email: share@getzestra.com
Thank you Kristen and Zestra!!!!
about 1 year ago
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- Mominatrix 9 comments
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Magpie & Habanerogal bring up a great starting point for us today - before the sex (or lack of it) there's that relationship interacting stuff we have to do. How do you keep that alive and kicking?
about 1 year ago
Lorraine
I find that planning fun things to do or specific nights when I can get dolled up and the kids are at a sleepover help a lot! It takes effort but I'm usually glad I did. :)
about 1 year ago
Nina Restieri
Last night we kicked everybody out of our room, felt mean about it, but I think we need to set boundaries sometimes. With 4 kids, me and hubby can go a whole weekend barely seeing each other, so asking for an hour alone on Sunday night does not seem to be asking for much.
about 1 year ago
Redneck Mommy
I hear you Nina, I have two teens who are night owls and a 6 yr old who refuses to sleep. Add that to when the husband is home and there is just no nookie time. The kids are all over their dad and that means I can't be.
about 1 year ago
Nina Restieri
Or a hotel room
about 1 year ago
magpie
a child care co-op is a great idea...
about 1 year ago
Nina Restieri
It is not easy. I have a 14 year old who stays up later than we do... a a 7 year old who wakes up earlier than we do... thank goodness our bedroom door has a lock
about 1 year ago
Mominatrix
I'm a victim of the lack of date nights around here, but it's important to make it a priority. Our neighbors do a co-op where they trade nights so it's FREE. Very smart. Even if you're just going to the bookstore together - alone without the kids is very important!
about 1 year ago
magpie
I try hard to be upbeat and not snippy, but it is wearing. Also, I tend to go to bed before he does - he watches TV on the couch, and I'd rather read - so there's that. Oh, and the six year old. We need to carve personal time out somewhere between work, childcare, dinner, house tending - you know, life. Oy.
about 1 year ago
Nina Restieri
Keeping the relationship alive and kicking is challenging.... especially after many years together! Just like with sex, I think it helps to keep surprising each other
about 1 year ago
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- pinkmomofblue 16 comments
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Joined the site today specifically for this talk... here's hoping!
about 1 year ago
pinkmomofblue
Thanks for the tip. Piper!
about 1 year ago
Piper Heiney
Re: lube. I found Swede Aqua Comfort. It's actually kind of sweet. I mean, I don't think you're going to want to put it your pancakes or anything. If you're a reader, you might check out "Passionate Marriage" by David Schnarch, PhD. It's a fabulous book.
about 1 year ago
pinkmomofblue
I actually tried Zestra a couple years back at my midwife's suggestion for these same issues. I couldn't make it past the very pungent aroma and the fact that it was VERY bitter. Plus, really didn't do anything arousal wise other than a tickle here and there. :( I'll look into the 30 day sexual resolution. My body image is up and down. I'm about 20 pounds overweight and very conscious of things like sucking in my tummy whenever hubby touches it in bed.
about 1 year ago
Mominatrix
A few things - try some different lubes out there - and you might actually want to try Zestra. I haven't tried it yet (try 3 kids, pregnant, husband who travels - and we haven't even had a chance) - but I hear good things about it! (and yes, they're a sponsor, so I'm sure they'll have more to add). Also, yes, three kids can do it to the libido - but you might need to inject some sexuality back into your life - I did the 30 day sexual resolution and that helped greatly - just small little things every day. And body image will play into it as well - are you not feeling hot in your skin?
about 1 year ago
Piper Heiney
I'd love to help here, but I think I have the opposite challenge. Loads of libido and nowhere to release it.
about 1 year ago
pinkmomofblue
Other than arousal issues, there is just no libido. I'm never sitting around during the day thinking about sex. I'm 100% attracted to my husband, but sex is a nuisance in my mind. Probably because I don't enjoy it. And unless I've had a couple of glasses of wine, it'll probably never happen.
about 1 year ago
pinkmomofblue
My 3rd degree episiotomy was 7 years ago, had just a tiny nick with the second kid 5.5 years ago, no cutting at all with #3. The thing is, even if I add the lube myself, there's still no arousal. It's like my turn-on button is broken.
about 1 year ago
Redneck Mommy
Episiotomy pain is the worse. After three slices to the nether regions it literally took YEARS before the pain subsided during fun times. LUBE was my bestest friend and even then that didn't always help.
about 1 year ago
pinkmomofblue
Yes, do have some vaginal pain, plus episiotomy pain. Vaginal pain comes from the fact that unless I dump on Astroglide, I never get aroused enough by the hub to self-lubricate.
about 1 year ago
pinkmomofblue
I've got three - maybe there's our answer, lol! Ages 7, 5.5, 2.
about 1 year ago
Nina Restieri
Kids might be the biggest libido killer I have ever experienced
about 1 year ago
pinkmomofblue
Nope, no meds, weaned over a year ago. Youngest just turned 2, and lack of sleep prob an issue. But can't think of anything else.
about 1 year ago
Mominatrix
Also, do you have any pain (c-section, vaginal) - just getting those things out of the way... Then we'll get to body image!
about 1 year ago
Mominatrix
You're not alone, for sure, and I'm betting you'll get some good info from this - in terms of libido - are you taking any meds, breastfeeding, or have anything else that might "medically" affect your libido? (you know, other than lack of sleep and chasing kids around).
about 1 year ago
pinkmomofblue
No issues with birth control here, hubby had the big V - but body image and libido, moreso the latter are huge culprits here.
about 1 year ago
Mominatrix
Welcome!
about 1 year ago
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- RoleMommy 6 comments
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Looking forward to this interesting chat today! Let's get this party started :)
about 1 year ago
Nina Restieri
Probably know more about sex than organizing... my dirty little secret haha!
about 1 year ago
RoleMommy
Hi Nina - didn't realize you were an expert in organization and sex! You are definitely an overachiever :)
about 1 year ago
rbscherl
Hey thanks all for letting us be part of the conversation!!!!
about 1 year ago
Nina Restieri
Hi there1
about 1 year ago
Tamsen Fadal
hello all!
about 1 year ago
Emily
Hi Beth! Welcome! Party is starting now that you're here!!!!!
about 1 year ago
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- Kristen Hammond 0 comments
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YAY!!! So happy to be here!
about 1 year ago
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- Lorraine 0 comments
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Hi Everyone! Looking forward to chatting today. I always love talkin' dirty with Ms. Mominatrix!
about 1 year ago
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- Redneck Mommy 2 comments
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Hey everyone! Let's talk about sex!
about 1 year ago
Redneck Mommy
LOL...I'm trying to save that for my husband Julie. But my, your rack is looking awfully fine today...wink.
about 1 year ago
JulieCole
talk dirty to me tanis!!
about 1 year ago
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- ChatterBox 0 comments
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Hey everybody!!
about 1 year ago
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- JulieCole 4 comments
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ohhh...this might be a bit of a sassy conversation for this blushing mama. LOL! Hi Kristen! I'm actually at work so will be popping on and off :)
about 1 year ago
JulieCole
oh yeah, I get the cracks about all the babies pretty regularly....the number of times I've been told to find a new hobby. yikes!!
about 1 year ago
Mominatrix
Oh Julie - the fun I can have with "popping on and off" - glad to see you - but with all those kiddos, you probably don't need this talk - or maybe you do? :)
about 1 year ago
Brandie
I feel you. I don't talk about sex hardly ever. And when I do, I turn into a 12 year old giggly girl. It's horrible LOL!
about 1 year ago
Emily
You and me both, Julie! :)
about 1 year ago
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- Nina Restieri 8 comments
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Love to talk about sex!
about 1 year ago
Nina Restieri
Wow, that would never happen in my house, never! You are lucky!
about 1 year ago
Mamagirl
Actually, it was Saturday. It doesn't happen often and I didn't want to, but the opportunity presented itself so I went with it.
about 1 year ago
Nina Restieri
Mamagirl did that really happen??????? so hot!
about 1 year ago
Mamagirl
and I can't figure out how to keep track of all the conversations I might participate in.
about 1 year ago
Mamagirl
what am I supposed to talk about here? how dh bent me over the kitchen sink last night? Isn't that like kissing and telling?
about 1 year ago
Nina Restieri
Hey honey!!
about 1 year ago
Mamagirl
Had to pop in to see what Nina was going to say!
about 1 year ago
ChatterBox
LOL! I'm getting better at that...never liked to before
about 1 year ago
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- Kristen Hammond 18 comments
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All I'm going to say is my 330 days of sexual resolution for 2010 is working out fabulously. I haven't had to clean the house in months. lol
about 1 year ago
HeadlessMom
@redneckmommy Yes, you should get *everything* you want (and more, I'm guessing) Men are such simple creatures. ;-)
about 1 year ago
JulieCole
hold on, have i missed some baby news here???
about 1 year ago
ChatterBox
I was always told with regard to marriage...never start a routine or habit that you are not willing to continue until death do you part.
about 1 year ago
Redneck Mommy
My husband is home next week for a solid seven days. I'm going to test this theory and see if him getting some every day means I'll get whatever I want. Hmmm...
about 1 year ago
Momtrends
Seriously 30 days in a row--what about your period? I'm assuming this allows for Bill Clinton's non-sex-sex?
about 1 year ago
Deborah
Is it just me or does that sound a little like another thing to just "get done"?
about 1 year ago
Kristen Hammond
Brandi, 330 out of 365. Nina, the best part is, he has to tell me NO. It's awesome. Yet not a complaint about clean laundry, ect.
about 1 year ago
Nina Restieri
My hubs would think he had died and gone to heaven if I had sex with him every day for 30 days... I could get anything I wanted... might have to try it
about 1 year ago
Brandie
In a row? Without stopping, for anything, not even periods?
about 1 year ago
Kristen Hammond
You guys knock it. It's fine. We are off of the 330 goal but seriously, I haven't had to put dinner on the table either. It's been the best ever. I have to get back on track before my sexless vacation at the inlaws.
about 1 year ago
Lorraine
Seriously?! *insert bowing down here*
about 1 year ago
ChatterBox
Kristen Chase, that is...
about 1 year ago
ChatterBox
LOL EXACTLY! When Kristen first told me about that I choked on my wine!!
about 1 year ago
Mominatrix
330 days? Kristen is an overachiever! http://www.imperfectparent.com/mominatrix/2010-sexual-resolution/830_1/ We did 30 days - I should add that you might want to use BC because that's how I got knocked up with #4!
about 1 year ago
Mamagirl
Did you read the book, Just Do It, about the couple who committed to sex every day for 101 days straight?
about 1 year ago
Redneck Mommy
330 days of sex? In a row? Man, the only way I could manage that would to be to bust out the vibrators for self service or to hire a hooker.
about 1 year ago
Emily
Kristen, You MUST say more about this!!!!!!
about 1 year ago
Nina Restieri
What was your resolution? 330 days of sex? WOW
about 1 year ago
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- Emily 6 comments
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Kristen, In your book tour, what has been the #1 question from the audience?
about 1 year ago
ChatterBox
@mominatrix @lorraine BIG HUGE HEARTY LAUGH AT THAT!
about 1 year ago
Mominatrix
Yes, Lorraine - you are a testament to the power of the quickies I hear! :)
about 1 year ago
Nina Restieri
It's kind of epidemic isn't it. Every mom I talk to about sex says the same thing. It's a miracle we continue getting pregnant.
about 1 year ago
Brandie
Mine is definitely linked to hormones I think - for part of the month I could care less about if sex existed or not, and then for part of the month, well, I can hardly think about anything else ;-)
about 1 year ago
Lorraine
By the end of the day I'm just tired! But, once I decided to do it anyway I'm always glad I did.
about 1 year ago
Mominatrix
I think the libido question is huge for moms - it circles around being too tired, not interested, not feeling up for it, too busy... And while a few said they found out it was related to bc (birth control), most of it is situational = parenting + life + everything else = no sexual desire.
about 1 year ago
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- KidDictionary 20 comments
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This talk needs a male perspective for fairness and balance and snide comments
about 1 year ago
Habanerogal
I'm with ya on the better boobs department it makes him think he's cheating on me with a chubbier chick
about 1 year ago
Nina Restieri
But to be honest, my husband doesn't care, I could gain 50 lbs and he would still want sex all the time! It's a mixed blessing!
about 1 year ago
Nina Restieri
I got into shape about 6 months ago and I have to say I am enjoying sex way more now that I feel good about my bod. It really makes a difference.
about 1 year ago
Redneck Mommy
I put on about 25 pounds this last year alone since my back surgery. Turns out my husband prefers me with meat on my bones. He said it used to feel like he was poking a bag of bones. I think he likes the way my boobs filled out and flop around now. (I know. It's dead sexy.)
about 1 year ago
Emily
KidDictionary and Mominatrix, great to hear that men don't really care, as hard as it is to believe when I really wish I were in better shape! The 30 Shred has my name on it!
about 1 year ago
ChatterBox
I was overweight for most of my marriage and my self-consciousness was a real kill joy for both of us. I spent so much time being worried about how I looked and "felt" that it was more like a chore than something we really wanted to do.
about 1 year ago
KidDictionary
I can only speak for me. But i don't notice any difference in my wife's body or my enjoyment there of now compared to before kids. And I know there are big differences.
about 1 year ago
pinkmomofblue
Interesting. Yeah, I feel like I'm always trying to present myself at a flattering angle or suck things in that it's impossible for me to stay in the moment. Reassuring to hear that maybe I'm being too hard on myself.
about 1 year ago
KidDictionary
Now once in a while i crack her back and my wife makes similar sounds to what he might have heard. Just to cover our tracks.
about 1 year ago
Execumama
Ah yes, the 30 day shred is both friend and foe in my house! I love it because it works, but she takes no prisoners and some days I just ...can't...LOL!
about 1 year ago
KidDictionary
My son walked in once. We told him her back was hurt and I was trying to crack her back.
about 1 year ago
Erin
I actually had this conversation with my husband, who I was surprised to find out was just as self conscious as I was. He was at the heaviest he had ever been, and HIS self image was making him be not in the mood.
about 1 year ago
Mominatrix
Pink - I've talked with several dads and I hear the same thing - THEY DON'T CARE. But if you don't feel great about yourself, then it's hard to get into it. I've been there. For me, I decided I wanted to rid myself of the baby tummy, so I did the 30 Day Shred. Self-acceptance and my body image are really tied together. I'm vain. I admit it.
about 1 year ago
ChatterBox
Good one pinkmomofblue
about 1 year ago
KidDictionary
I doubt he'd say it if he wasn't sincere. And I'm sure most guys are so caught up in the moment, and so happy you're providing them with said moment that they're NOWHERE NEAR as conscious of your body as you are.
about 1 year ago
pinkmomofblue
Alright Mr. Dad. Here's one for you. When hubby says I don't need to suck in my tummy every time that he touches me, that he doesn't mind - should I believe him? Are guys actually so caught up in the moment that they really don't care what the wife looks/feels like?
about 1 year ago
ChatterBox
True. I was hoping a good male friend of mine who talks about this stuff was available to be here
about 1 year ago
Emily
Welcome!
about 1 year ago
KidDictionary
I'm a Dad. So fear not.
about 1 year ago
Mominatrix
I know! We asked a few dads, but they bailed. What's up with that?
about 1 year ago
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- Brandie 22 comments
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So what do you do if a child knocks on the door in the middle of sex to ask if everything is okay in there?
about 1 year ago
ClumberKim
Was nearly busted last weekend by a 5 year old who doesn't knock. Apparently air hockey on my iPad is not nearly as attention-grabbing as I hoped!
about 1 year ago
inkscrblr
I know what RoleMommy means exactly. And aren't we proficient at squeezing short little windows of sexual activity, so to speak, into for very small time slots.?
about 1 year ago
RoleMommy
At least your child knocks. We're pretty proficient about putting clothes back on the second we hear footsteps. I now have the hearing a cat.
about 1 year ago
Emily
ANOTHER reason to pick up Kristen's book!!!
about 1 year ago
ChatterBox
@Redneck Mommy - Now that's getting "lost in the moment" for ya! LOL!
about 1 year ago
Brandie
And I do I mention teh child who knocked out of concern for me last night, already walked up to me today and said "Mom, what really was going on last night?" I repeated exercise story to her again. I *think* she bought it this time - or maybe she figured it out and won't ask anymore LOL!
about 1 year ago
Mominatrix
Yes! I did a small section of it in the book, Brandie. One of my favorite parts - I've got ways to explain everything except oral sex. In that case - door locks. And white nose machines.
about 1 year ago
Emily
Oh, too funny! Attackers, exercise and sex in one post.
about 1 year ago
Brandie
Tanis, I need to learn that lesson apparently :X
about 1 year ago
Lorraine
LMAO! That's classic. Glad to HEAR you are having a good time @Redneck Mommy! :)
about 1 year ago
Redneck Mommy
I've subsequently learned a valuable lesson in volume control. *doh*
about 1 year ago
ChatterBox
ROFLMAO, Brandie! See...make up a good story!
about 1 year ago
Redneck Mommy
What's worse is when you forget to lock your door and your son bursts into the room ready to fight off an intruder because it sounds like Mom is being attacked. Let's just say my son got an eyeful and may never recover.
about 1 year ago
ChatterBox
ROFLMAO, KidDictionary!! Running and screaming into the night! GREAT birth control or abstinence training for your kids, eh?
about 1 year ago
Brandie
It happened to us last night for teh first time. WE didn't know what to do - so we're both staring at each other looking like deer in headlights when dh yells out "I'm just helping mom exercise!" Then looks at me and says "technically, I am" ROFL!
about 1 year ago
pinkmomofblue
Yeah, the way our home is situated we're all clustered at one end of a tiny house. Silence is golden.
about 1 year ago
ChatterBox
Make up a really good story! Easier if you are under the covers. If not, well, not sure if I have a good explanation for that.
about 1 year ago
Nina Restieri
Has not happened to me YET, but I guess I would say we were snuggling?
about 1 year ago
Lorraine
It sure doesn't kill Husband's mood. LOL!
about 1 year ago
KidDictionary
Less mortifying when they knock from the outside to get in, rather than from the inside to get out.
about 1 year ago
Mominatrix
I'd say "yes" and keep going :)
about 1 year ago
Redneck Mommy
That's happened to me SEVERAL times. While it makes for funny blog posts it is MORTIFYING when it happens. I used to tell them Mommy and Daddy were wrestling. Or praying. It usually killed my mood immediately.
about 1 year ago
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- Momtrends 19 comments
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I can't stay long--I'm wondering how an over-scheduled mom can make quality time for romance. I don't want it to be another item on the to-do list!
about 1 year ago
ClumberKim
How do you get your kids to sleep in? Mine don't know what "weekend" means. First one is always up before 6.
about 1 year ago
cathyreads
weekend mornings are good for us when the kids sleep in, or are watching cartoons - or we get up early - we're both relaxed, our heads aren't filled with to do's and we can live in the moment for a little while before the day starts.
about 1 year ago
KidDictionary
I like your attitude Mamagirl
about 1 year ago
Mamagirl
I don't schedule it...I fall asleep way before dh. But I tend to now go with the flow and the unexpectedness of it more now. For example, if he comes in the kitchen while the kids are outside playing in the driveway, I'm more apt to saying "yes" to a kitchen quickie - because I never know when the next opportunity might come along. In other words, DON"T SAY NO, JUST GO WITH IT.
about 1 year ago
ChatterBox
@Emily and KristenC - Dude, I was looking like Eddie Munster a few weeks ago! So un-sexy!
about 1 year ago
Momtrends
God bless babysitters. Without date night I'd be in serious need of therapy. Such an important part of our continuing romance!
about 1 year ago
Nina Restieri
I don't schedule in sex--just dates/nights out--and usually (if I have a few glasses of wine) one thing leads to another...
about 1 year ago
Momtrends
Oh I miss daytime trysts so much. There always seems to be a little one around. No one is napping anymore.
about 1 year ago
Emily
My eyebrows could use some attention too!
about 1 year ago
ChatterBox
Scheduling can be a double edged sword but I agree with finding a way to make it a priority. Maybe put "lube" on the grocery list on the fridge...that could give him a hint ;)
about 1 year ago
CK
Make sure you "schedule" time for spontaneity too. Just the opportunity/possibility can be exciting. (Do you really HAVE to watch the WHOLE movie?)
about 1 year ago
Redneck Mommy
Since my husband is only home sporadically, sex is a priority. Generally when the kids are in bed or even better, when they are outside playing and we're in the house alone during the day. We squeeze it in where ever we can find the time because we know if we don't make time we'll never get laid.
about 1 year ago
Mominatrix
You definitely need to know yourself - if you're a scheduler then it can work. But if you really like the spontaneity, then it can be a downer. I tend to be a "dreader" - which means I think about it and over think it and then it never happens. So if you know that's how you are, positive self talk (seriously, it works) can be the best thing. And keeping the whole picture in mind - knowing that a) it's generally a small amount of time - heh and b) that it's part of this greater thing you call your family, your relationship, your marriage (for those that are married). Think about how long you spend on plucking eyebrows (okay, that's me) - it's worth it!
about 1 year ago
Momtrends
Good answer Kristin. My calendar not his.
about 1 year ago
Erin
I am an anit-scheduler. Because, then if it doesn't happen (which has happened) I am even more pissed. At least if I try and fail, I can blame it on him not understanding. When we schedule date night and then nothing happens. Then I am really hurt.
about 1 year ago
Mominatrix
Well, like anything else, if it's a true priority, you'll make it one. Sounds lame but it's true. But, guess what? There's nothing wrong with it being scheduled! Sometimes that allows you some time to get things ready (ahem) - and even better, don't tell him that you've scheduled it. Put it in your own calendar and not his. A little element of surprise. And my feeling is that if it's super hot can't get enough of it sex that you'll be having, you'll want to make time for it!
about 1 year ago
Lorraine
I think sometimes it has to be an item on the To-Do list - if you want to get it done. But that's not a bad thing. Try not to look at it like a chore but as the best thing on your list!
about 1 year ago
Nina Restieri
Sorry to tell you but I schedule it in. It's like anything else, if I don't plan for it, it won't happen.
about 1 year ago
Heather
Feeling the same way... awaiting the answer!
about 1 year ago
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- CK 5 comments
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Alright, I'll offer up a male perspective for you gals.
about 1 year ago
ClumberKim
I'd love to hear more from the male perspective.
about 1 year ago
Piper Heiney
Yeah, CK. Let's hear it
about 1 year ago
Mominatrix
Happy to do it - and you're right - sex is pervasive in every part of our lives!
about 1 year ago
Momtrends
Hey Kristin! How's the book tour going? Would love to set up a Momtrends interview for next month. Sex is totally a part of beauty and style! Always feel & look better after getting a bit of loving!
about 1 year ago
Mominatrix
Offer "up" - :)
about 1 year ago
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- Emily 6 comments
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The first winner of Kristen's book, The Mominatrix Guide to Sex is ... Julie Cole!!!!
Congrats Julie!
Be sure to send Zestra an email to get free samples! They're giving them away to the first 25 responders! share@getzestra.com
about 1 year ago
JulieCole
wow! Did hubs set that up for me to win? LOL!
about 1 year ago
rbscherl
please add mailing address to e-mail so we know where to send the samples
about 1 year ago
ChatterBox
It's a great book, Julie! You'll love it!
about 1 year ago
AlainaFrederick
I want to hear how you like it Julie!!
about 1 year ago
Brandie
Congrats!! =)
about 1 year ago
Redneck Mommy
Congratulations JULIE!!! Whoot!
about 1 year ago
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- AlainaFrederick 6 comments
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Hey everyone!
about 1 year ago
ChatterBox
Ooops! I said "Hi" to you in another thread... HELLO!
about 1 year ago
Brandie
Hello
about 1 year ago
Emily
Hi Alaina, welcome!!
about 1 year ago
AlainaFrederick
Hey Nina - Always great to see your smiling face :)
about 1 year ago
Mominatrix
Welcome!
about 1 year ago
Nina Restieri
hi!
about 1 year ago
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- amydpp 11 comments
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I'm newly single, after a 12 year marriage. Thought of sex with someone else makes me feel strange. Plus, how do I explain THAT to my 9 and 11 year old?
about 1 year ago
Piper Heiney
I'm completely open and honest with my kids about sex (except they believe they can't have it till they're in college). IMO, your husband has chosen behavior that's not fair to you or your kids, but isn't uncommon for men (average time between marriages is 3 years for men, I believe). Unfair to you because it leaves you have to explain his behavior and unfair to them because they haven't gone through the entire healing process yet. I think this is a fabulous opportunity to share with your daughter the importance of sexual responsibility and use your attitude and behavior to reinforce that responsibility.
about 1 year ago
amydpp
@piper I think that is a good policy, but my daughter is going through puberty, so sex talk is standard at our house right now, I think she will ask the questions first. @habanerogal I am hoping the same for me
about 1 year ago
Habanerogal
I found out I didn't have any problems it was all his hangups the "new guy" is hangup free wooo
about 1 year ago
Piper Heiney
I guess I'd like some clarification on what you mean by "strange." Personally, I don't think you need to explain anything to your kids w/respect to your sexual relations until you're bringing that into the house when your kids are there. My rule is that men don't stay over (or hop in bed with me and leave) if my kids are here until I have confidence that our relationship is mutual and committed. So, in my 4 years of single-hood, I've had to explain it with only one relationship.
about 1 year ago
amydpp
agree with you @habanerogal. I was a little perplexed how my husband could go from our marriage to a new relationship within a week, but then I remember I didn't really like sex with him. I just don't think he was good at it. I dunno, maybe it's me.
about 1 year ago
Habanerogal
I would say keep your sex/personal life to yourself until he has passed all of your tests...that said kids are the best form of jerk-repellent going
about 1 year ago
Emily
I'll reiterate the one step at a time idea. Healing and time for yourself first.
about 1 year ago
amydpp
awesome, thanks!
about 1 year ago
ChatterBox
Ah! Good question! Inquiring minds want to know...
about 1 year ago
Mamagirl
I don't think you need to explain it to your kids. Don't feel strange - just try to remember how sex with someone new felt at the time - that might make things more appealing.
about 1 year ago
Mominatrix
Amy - Hopefully Piper (Mommy is Dating) will chime in. I do have a whole chapter for Single Moms in the book - also a column too (if I remember correctly): http://www.imperfectparent.com/mominatrix - I think take it slow, look at meeting folks, healing wounds, etc. and then worry about the down and dirty later. But stick around - you might win a book and the chapter has lots of morsels for you!
about 1 year ago
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- AlainaFrederick 2 comments
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I'm always surprised that after almost 7 years of marriage my husband still finds me interesting... although with three kids to chase all day I'm too tired to care!
about 1 year ago
ChatterBox
HI ALAINA!! Good to see you my friend! (((hugs)))
about 1 year ago
Mominatrix
That's awesome! (Though I know about the tired thing for sure).
about 1 year ago
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- Mominatrix 23 comments
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Two main things that I think help parents: 1. Thinking about sex (not just actually doing it) - but doing sexually related things - like wear a thong, take a shower together, read an erotic romance novel. and 2. Getting out without the kids. What else?
about 1 year ago
cathyreads
my husband certainly thought so! and it was one of those things that got me thinking about body in a good way. I only kept the photos that made me look great. :)
about 1 year ago
Lorraine
@Chatterbox ROFL!
about 1 year ago
Mamagirl
And when you're alone, do something that makes you feel sexy. For me, it's usually my pole dancing class. Or going for a run and getting really sweaty. Because if you feel sexy to yourself, you will ooze it to him and he will jump you.
about 1 year ago
Emily
Oh, @RedneckMommy I'm laughing so hard.
about 1 year ago
magpie
We cook together all the time - it doesn't go anywhere!
about 1 year ago
Brandie
Well Deborah - maybe they will really know but hopefully if they are sorting through everyone's e-mail they won't pick up on it ;-) LOL!
about 1 year ago
Nina Restieri
Good one cathyreads!
about 1 year ago
Nina Restieri
I agree with Mamagirl. There needs to be some separation from the hubby--we need to pursue our own interests/friendships, in order to be happy at home
about 1 year ago
cathyreads
so here's an idea for adding some excitement. When my hubby was on a biz trip before Valentine's Day, and my kids were all 3 at school, I put on my lingerie and did a photo shoot in our bedroom with my camera timer - then emailed a couple pix a day until he came home. Got us both ready for some fun homecoming activities. ; )
about 1 year ago
Mominatrix
My husband is the same way, MomTrends. And yeah, I call it the 2- minute thong thanks to post partum hemmies LOL. Boy shorts are HOT too!
about 1 year ago
ChatterBox
@Redneck Mommy - I'm with you! Say no to arse-floss!
about 1 year ago
ChatterBox
Oooh! Lorraine! (Gasp) PLEASE don't accidentally hit my name when you do that!
about 1 year ago
Mamagirl
Yes, but as much as together time is important, so too is Mommy alone time. It helps me center myself and I'm better with dh and the kids if I get ME time too.
about 1 year ago
Emily
Cooking together, exercising together - those were our pre-kids preamble!
about 1 year ago
Mominatrix
Awesome, Brandie. And the truth is, if it's on your mind, you've got a better chance of making "it" happen. If it's off our radar, it can be REALLY hard getting it back on again.
about 1 year ago
Momtrends
I always feel super connected if we exercise together. Yoga or a run a little sweat before getting sweaty all over again!
about 1 year ago
Redneck Mommy
Oh man, I can't do a thong. I just can't do dental floss for my ass. Not to mention, my arse cheeks jiggle too much. They need to be CONTAINED. I find phone sex and sexting a life line to keep the embers burning when the husband is at work.
about 1 year ago
Deborah
Brandie, they won't know? Really? If they have kids....they'll know...and they'll smile. :)
about 1 year ago
Mominatrix
Yes Lorraine - so long as you're a careful dialer!
about 1 year ago
Kristen Hammond
Brandie, GOOD ONE
about 1 year ago
Brandie
I like to leave little love notes for hubs randomly. Sometimes I'll even e-mail him at work - like today, I'll send him a message thanking him for helping me exercise last night - he'll know what it means, but should someone be checking his e-mail account - they won't know!
about 1 year ago
Lorraine
Definitely staying in a sexy frame of mind helps! Hey Kristen, is sexting allowed for adults? LOL!
about 1 year ago
Kristen Hammond
Cooking together. It's always a big one for us. Reminds us of the sexy nights before kids.
about 1 year ago
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- Erin 19 comments
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I always find it funny in discussions with other wives, because clearly, I am the exception to the rule. I am the one who gets turned down on a regular basis, not him. He is the one who tells me that our relationship has grown and changed from 8 years ago, and that I can expect it to stay the same.
about 1 year ago
Erin
The other I did, which made a big difference in the last couple of months, is I started to wear pjs to bed. I used to sleep nude all the time, but feeling him spooning me and pressed up behind me would frustrate me. So I started wearing nighties, and nothing sexy, just cotton nightshirts that put a barrier between his bits and my bits. When he asked why, I was honnest. It kept me from getting frustrated and resentful, but also he knows that he turns me on that much. There is something to be said for a sneaky hand under the night shirt.
about 1 year ago
Erin
Which in my case, I think it is. I started a diet and changed what the entire family was eating, and I lost 30 pounds recently. He started losing weight too and is now gung-ho and has lost 15 pounds. That little bit for him has made a huge difference. He, like I did before, felt sluggish and unattractive all the time. Being in better shape has not only helped how we feel about our selves, but also given us more energy so that at the end of the day, we are not bagged and tired.
about 1 year ago
maggs813
What if it's his self esteem?
about 1 year ago
Lorraine
You go, Erin! Love it!
about 1 year ago
Angela B.
Yeah, I bought one of those. Actually, I have a drawer full of toys. I just miss those days where he couldn't keep his hands off me! One thing that did help was that I gave him permission to sex me up early in the morning. I'm a night person and he's a morning person, but occasionally I don't mind waking up extra early for a little lovin'.
about 1 year ago
KidDictionary
Easier for a woman to get away with self serve. You can dismiss it as an itch
about 1 year ago
Erin
Giggle, I have been busted "pulling into self-serve" a couple times after he has fallen asleep. I used to be embarrassed, but now I just fess up and tell him it is his loss
about 1 year ago
ChatterBox
It's an unfortunate epidemic
about 1 year ago
magpie
Huh. Lotta women getting turned down here. Glad I'm not alone, but...damn.
about 1 year ago
Mominatrix
Yeah KD - it happens. And Angela B - I try not to get too frustrated and do the whole "You are a weirdo" talk that I've done on way too many occasions. If the tables were turned, I wouldn't want to hear that. So, I bought a good sex toy!
about 1 year ago
Erin
The other thing that was an eye opener for me was the fact that HE was insecure. So backing off until I knew he was in the mood has taken a bunch of the stress off.
about 1 year ago
KidDictionary
Husband turning down sex? Never heard of that. I'm a husband.
about 1 year ago
Mominatrix
That is hard, Erin. I was really upset when I found out that some of it was that I still had my baby weight. I'd even ask him what he likes - truth is - he might not know until you try stuff. Doesn't have to be crazy or anything. Flavored lube can be very fun - I'd be surprised if he'd refuse you on that...
about 1 year ago
Angela B.
You are not alone. I am always the one who gets turned down as well. And on the rare occasion he actually initiates something, I will *try* to give him a taste of his own medicine, but really I would only be lying to myself.
about 1 year ago
Brandie
My husband and I both seem to go through times like this - sometimes I'm begging him and sometimes he's begging me. When we were first married this completely freaked me out - because men weren't ever supposed to not want to have sex. I was thinking some pretty unsettling thoughts for sure. Now I know it's just my husband. Rest is key for him. If he's tired, it's almost always not going to happen.
about 1 year ago
Erin
Agreed! I know that if he is tired or stressed out with work or family issues there is no way I should even try. I have tried lots of the other stuff, and it makes him uncomfortable. Really... porn is embarrassing for him, and he didn't like the idea of toys. I find that the hardest part is not taking it personally. Not thinking that it has something to do with me.
about 1 year ago
CK
Some men connect to sex like the stereotypical woman does -- mood, feelings, desire of the partner. If you combine that with a woman who thinks like a stereotypical man (needs a slight breeze to be turned on) then it's basically a situational gender switch, like you say above Mominatrix...
about 1 year ago
Mominatrix
Also, I found that when I started doing things for myself - i.e. working out, looking better, getting dressed out of my schluggy clothes, he took notice and became more interested. The sex toys in the drawer helped too :)
about 1 year ago
Mominatrix
I'm sure a dad will ring in, Erin, but my husband is the same way. I'm usually the one trying and getting turned down. So, I actually think of him like I hear some of my friends (who turn their husbands down). He's tired - so he wants to perform better - so I let him get some rest. He's sensitive - things need to be "kosher" between us - no fights, yelling, etc. or it's all off. And he needs time to himself. I find that if I can give him those three things, it usually works in my favor. BUT, there is also the jolt method - do something crazy, add something spicy, whether it's toys, a new hair cut (ahem - or even the hair on your head), etc.
about 1 year ago
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- Mominatrix 20 comments
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Also, I've heard many moms just don't know where to start when it comes to the sort of taboo things like porn, erotic books, and sex toys. But they do help! Oh yes. YES. They do.
about 1 year ago
Mamagirl
The reason why I can walk into a sex shop without a disguise has everything to do with my pole dancing class that I've been doing for 4 years. I have a confidence that I never had before. I ask questions. I am usually in the shops to begin with because I need to buy something for class - maybe a pair of sequinned booty shorts or a feather garter belt. After I leave the apparel section, I usually take a trip to the toy section to see what they've got.
about 1 year ago
Nina Restieri
Emily, I wrote more about my pole dancing experience in the thread above. I could not recommend it more highly. It is one of the greatest gifts I give myself every week!
about 1 year ago
rbscherl
Sometimes just bringing up the idea that you want it to be better can make a difference
about 1 year ago
HeadlessMom
@Lorraine the company that I buy from is slumber parties. Add a dot com and you should find them. They do a great women-only party and their products are top notch. (I'm not a rep, I swear, but I have a girlfriend that is.)
about 1 year ago
Nina Restieri
I have been to a sex ship with mamagirl, and she is not lying when she says she asks questions. graphic ones. so funny!
about 1 year ago
Emily
Just saw your comment above, Nina - so great!
about 1 year ago
Emily
OMG .. Nina, a friend of mine has been raving about her pole dancing class. You must say more about this! With props!
about 1 year ago
Lorraine
Great input! I think Husbands like to see us in sex shops surrounded by all the possibilities! LOL!
about 1 year ago
ChatterBox
You're brave Mamagirl! I think I would like dress in disguise when I go
about 1 year ago
Mamagirl
Lorraine, it's also HOT if you shop together at a store. And don't be afraid to ask questions. I ask tons of questions at sex shops, I'm not into guessing. Sometimes, I just need it explained in black and white to me.
about 1 year ago
Lorraine
Awesome! Thanks @Mominatrix!
about 1 year ago
amydpp
oooh, thanks to @mominatrix for all those links.
about 1 year ago
Redneck Mommy
Well, I buy from an online site in Canada. It's actually based not to far from me. Speedy delivery and brown paper packaging. Gotta love the discretion.
about 1 year ago
Nina Restieri
I Agree with Kristen that taboo things do help. I bought a pair of shiny black thigh-high stiletto boots (with a whip) for my pole-dancing class, last night I modeled them for my hubby. Let's just say the boots were not on for long.
about 1 year ago
Mominatrix
Okay so Lorraine: YouPorn[dot]com - is basically YouTube for porn - see my post above. I love RavenousRomance.com - run by a mom and they are ebooks (right to your kindle, iPhone, computer). Lou Paget is a great how-to author - look on Amazon for her stuff.
about 1 year ago
CK
Gotta say -- Shower heads. The use of ON her. Very fun. Buy a GOOD ONE.
about 1 year ago
ChatterBox
ROFLMAO @mominatrix! So many puns!
about 1 year ago
Lorraine
Ladies, any suggestions on some good sites to check out?
about 1 year ago
Mominatrix
And there are plenty that don't look like "competition" - ahem. And that can make a BIG difference OH THE PUNS TODAY!! LOL.
about 1 year ago
Redneck Mommy
The best investment ever was bringing a sex toy to the bed with us. At first I was hesitant but man oh man, did it light a fire under both of us. RAWR.
about 1 year ago
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- rbscherl 0 comments
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If you are writing to share@getzestra.com, please add mailing address so that you can receive the samples
about 1 year ago
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- pinkmomofblue 35 comments
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So what do you do if your husband is a legitimately bad lovemaker? A bad kisser even? Me and my husband were both each other's first EVERYTHING right down to kiss. We're the total blind leading the blind, even after 8.5 years of marriage.
about 1 year ago
Piper Heiney
Love all the feedback on pole dancing. I've been thinking about it for a year or so, mostly as another form of exercise. But hearing that it makes you feel more confident, well ... nothing's sexier than confidence, right?
about 1 year ago
Mamagirl
Role Mommy----I have taken my mother to watch me. She wanted to see what made me so happy, confident and excited every week. She was apprehensive about going, but afterwards, she said it was "beautiful movement, like Cirque du Soliel". She expected it to be smutty and was surprised by how mesmerizing it was to watch. I have also taken her to pole dancing performances in the Meat Packing district of NYC. It's pretty funny to wait on line with my 72 year old mother to get into a performance, but she is a good sport, chatting with all the hipsters.
about 1 year ago
RoleMommy
I keep hearing about pole dancing and had a conversation with a friend's younger sister about it yesterday. Her mom was at the table too and I told her I might try out a class with her daughter, to which she replied: "Great, I'll go see your recital." Had to share that story...I'm still laughing about it 24 hours later!
about 1 year ago
Brandie
Never tried pole dancing - I did do the lap dance video (it was a valentine's gift to my hubs) - I memorized it and did it. I got the video through netflix. I can't get out of the house to do classes like that. I admit, it was fun, and hubs enjoyed it!
about 1 year ago
Brandie
Here's what I think - you are uncomfortable with your own body. If you aren't comfortable with it, then he won't be either. He's probably picking up on it and afraid to try new things thinking you are afraid. I know, I know it's hard to get over that and not be self-conscious or nervous, or whatever, but if you can jump that hurtle - it will be soooooooooo worth it. Sex should be fun, it should be enjoyable and it should feel good. And you aren't going to feel any less self-conscious or awkward just thinking about it - you need to push through it and do. And then do it again, and again and again and soon enough it will become normal and it will be a wonderful thing. And so you don't often wear frilly clothes - do it one night, but then tell your husband I'll do this if you try this. It is going to be strange at first! But seriously, try it. And I know it's hard, but you have to learn your body first so you can teach it to him.
about 1 year ago
inkscrblr
Really? A workout? Huh..interesting. I may have to take a closer look at that. I still think for me working out on my own at the gym or doing Yoga once a week is the best aphrodisiac. Sounds funny right? But when I feel good about myself and take time for myself and feel confident and strong then that is sexy.
about 1 year ago
Mominatrix
Paula - YES - it's super fun. Though pole dancing was definitely hard for me - weak upper body. It's much more challenging - get a couple of girlfriends and go. YOu'll have a blast!
about 1 year ago
Nina Restieri
Kristen is right, pole dancing makes you feel instantly hot, not matter your age/weight. Chair is great too. Whatever works for you!
about 1 year ago
Mominatrix
Pink - if you're looking to just tighten up the baby tummy (Sorry, I don't know the extent of body issues) but I do have a fitness blog I started when I was trying to lose the last 40 lbs of my baby weight: http://www.theshredheads.com - Doing the 30 Day Shred (2o minutes of working out a day) changed my life - not just my butt and tummy, but my sex life too!
about 1 year ago
Mamagirl
I'm 41 yrs old and I have been pole dancing for 4 years. I have a pole in my living room - it is the first thing that people see when they walk in my house. It is the most empowering thing I have ever done for myself in my life. I love it and doubt I will give it up. Plus, I am raising two sons who think having a pole in their living room is normal - and I'm pretty confident that they will grow up with a very healthy respect for all women.
about 1 year ago
ChatterBox
I felt more confident chair dancing
about 1 year ago
ChatterBox
Yeah, Lorraine - chair is better (and safer) than the pole to me. Plus if you hurt yourself, you can come up with a better explanation for a chair to the paramedics
about 1 year ago
Mominatrix
I think what's interesting about Pole Dancing is that at first, for me any way, it was not sexual. It was a WORKOUT - HARD CORE. I think once you get good at it, it can be hot. If you want instant hot (and a little easier on the arms and upper body) the chair dancing was great. I know a lot of people disapprove, but I think both can be really great! Especially when you're not feeling so sexy. It's hard to feel sexy when you're chasing after kids all day (or even part of the day!)
about 1 year ago
inkscrblr
What?! Really, I don't know if I could do pole dancing at 40ish. I would feel way too self conscious.
about 1 year ago
pinkmomofblue
Thanks for the input all. I think maybe I need to look inward for a while, but when I'm ready to look outward, there are some great suggestions here. :)
about 1 year ago
Nina Restieri
I wrote on my blog recently that I want every mom to try pole dancing, to experience that empowerment and confidence and sensuality. Needless to say it did not go over well with all of our readers....
about 1 year ago
Nina Restieri
Pole dancing class makes you feel so sexy and powerful and confident. It has been life changing for me. It does not matter your size or shape, every woman looks beautiful doing it. You get in touch with your body and your curves and develop a new appreciation for yourself. Learning the sensual movement makes you feel hot all the time, not just when you are in class. Not to mention, my hubby REALLY likes the outfits.....
about 1 year ago
pinkmomofblue
Brandie, great to hear from another "one and only" who knows where I'm coming from. Honestly I would feel like an idiot to role play, and I'm too self conscious to put his hand anywhere or show him how I want something. I think I'm narrowing this all down to utter self-consciousness and bewilderment on my part. My hub is always telling me to put on girly, frilly, clothes. But I'm a total prep geek. My uniform is a grey v-neck sweater and jeans. Can't you just tell how red hot I am? Hahahaha.
about 1 year ago
Redneck Mommy
I took my husband to a spa once...had a couples massage and a private room. It was totally hot. And unexpected. Sometimes just trying something new is all it takes to reignite the flames.
about 1 year ago
HeadlessMom
We spiced up-and thus improved!- our sex life with new lotions and toys. I was really hesitant! But start slow and with something like a new cream/lube, then as you get more and more comfortable with that kind of thing you can graduate to other toys. You might be surprised at how he 'improves' with some coaxing to try new things!
about 1 year ago
Erin
I took a pole dancing class, and it actually had the opposite effect. I was the biggest girl there, and surrounded by mirrors, and my husband thought it was weird. So it was a moral deflator for sure.
about 1 year ago
Lorraine
I like the chair better than the pole. Smiles! Big fun!
about 1 year ago
ChatterBox
Yep! Way too much fun!
about 1 year ago
Tamsen Fadal
i agree with the visuals! and if you are not porn ready some other movies that are sexy: The Lover, Kama Sutra: A Tale Of Love and also recommend: Sex Deck (a game to spice things up in the bedroom)
about 1 year ago
Mominatrix
I think Nina could share a bit about Pole Dancing! Lorraine, Christie and I took a chair dancing class and it was HOT.
about 1 year ago
Mominatrix
You won't offend! What about romance novels (erotic) - is that too "over the top" for you? Check out the site and see - you can download a free short story. Yes, size difference (in all forms) can be challenging. Even the sex deck (http://www.amazon.com/Sex-Deck-Playful-Positions-Spice/dp/0811853578) might be good. I think you just need some new ideas. Also, try a sex pillow? Liberator.com - they're not crazy - just wedge pillows that help change positions. My husband is shorter than I am, so anything standing up is a big challenge and THESE HELP!
about 1 year ago
Emily
A friend swears by her pole dancing class.
about 1 year ago
Brandie
Speak up - tell him what you like, what you need, what feels good and what feels bad. If you don't tell him he won't know! Move his hand for him if you need to. And as Kristen said, take some time to figure out for yourself what you like/need/want so you can tell him. Ask him to do the same. It might feel awkward at first - but it's so worth it. BTDT (dh is my one and only too!) Sometimes people will ask if I've only slept with one person how do I know the sex is good - seriously, you know. Just like you know when it isn't so good. So experiment, talk, and figure out what feels good and then run with it ;-)
about 1 year ago
Mominatrix
And keep in mind, role play doesn't have to mean big time costumes (though that might help - you never know), even if it's you wearing an oxford shirt and heels and bossing him around a little - that can be fun!
about 1 year ago
pinkmomofblue
We're not open to porn, which hopefully doesn't get me flamed here. So we tried an instructional book here and there. But we're physically not terribly well suited to each other. I'm taller, and he's I think smaller than average.
about 1 year ago
Lorraine
Redneck Mommy is on to something here. Role play with him ... you can be the teacher and show him how you'd like it. I'm willing to bet he won't complain.
about 1 year ago
Erin
the site clitical I found was helpful in this department, and female friendly
about 1 year ago
Redneck Mommy
Have you tried watching a porn together? Sometimes the visuals help. Plus, my husband is FANTASTIC at taking instruction. Just call me TEACHER. Wink.
about 1 year ago
Lorraine
I would think some videos might come in handy here. Learning some new tricks and techniques? I'm just sayin' ...
about 1 year ago
Mominatrix
I'd get some porn. Read some books (both erotic romance novels AND "how to" books. A little "education" can go a long way. http://www.ravenousromance.com - seriously, they're e-books - under $5 - and you'll get some great ideas :) But as far as porn goes, you can try Youporn[dot]com (won't link that, Emily) which is free - keep in mind some people don't like amateurs because they don't know the consent level - but it's free and quick and there are professionals on there. Also, there are tons of great female-friendly porn out there. If anything, it will give you some ideas on how to change things up, things to say,e tc. Also, experiment on yourself and find out what you like so you can translate that.
about 1 year ago
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- Emily 7 comments
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Book #2 .... drumroll ... Kristen Hammond, you're the winner!!! Do you have a copy already?!?
about 1 year ago
Deborah
congrats Erin!!!
about 1 year ago
Brandie
Congrats Erin! =)
about 1 year ago
ChatterBox
LOL! Congrats Erin!
about 1 year ago
Mominatrix
Yay Erin!
about 1 year ago
Erin
Whee!!!
about 1 year ago
Emily
Awesome! The new winner is .... Erin!!!!!
about 1 year ago
Kristen Hammond
I DO!!! I bought it at Kristen's fabulous book signing at the Jordin's Paradise Pole Dancing Studio!! Pick another winner, Emily!
about 1 year ago
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- Mominatrix 25 comments
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So let's talk tips here - Flavored lube? Favorite toys? It's hard to ask for recos IRL for those things, so let's do it here!
about 1 year ago
Piper Heiney
Don't get me wrong. I will share generalities (usually no names), e.g. I once dated a guy named "Axel." He was appropriately named.
about 1 year ago
rbscherl
@Piper Heiney and @CK - Many women feel the same way - that sharing the details (positive or not) feels like a betrayal of trust to their partner.
about 1 year ago
HeadlessMom
OK, in that case, it's called "Just Like Me" from a company called Slumber Parties. It comes in regular and watermelon flavored (maybe others?) you can google the company and order online. I have a rep that I order from. you use it once and if you want to keep going just add a little water or saliva and it gets slip-slidey again, so a bottle lasts forever. I'm a big fan of the company and their creams/lubes/toys. Ladies, if you have a chance to have a party, do. It's the hardest I've laughed in, well, ever. Thanks for a great chat, all!
about 1 year ago
rbscherl
@DaveMcQueen and @HeadlessMom- no worries. Anything that contributes to a women's sexual satisfaction is important.
about 1 year ago
Mominatrix
Headless - I think you can mention it! It was brought up in conversation and also Zestra is not necessarily a lube but rather a natural female enhancement (to put it gently).
about 1 year ago
Piper Heiney
CK, actually, I think much of this is generational. Speaking as technically a Baby Boomer, much of my generation is "uptight." Younger women, I've found, have much less problem talking about toys, positions, hang-ups, masturbation. We talked about toys last week at our bookclub gathering, and we range in age from 40-63. But I have NEVER experienced a conversation when we talked about size or details of a particular experience (generalities, maybe), and personally, I think that's unfair to your partner.
about 1 year ago
HeadlessMom
@DaveMcQueen I feel uncomfortable talking about a specific product by a company other than our sponsor here. Emily, or another talk expert, can one of you tell me what the protocol is here?
about 1 year ago
Nancy_Horn
Thanks Kristen, I will check it out -- going for school pickup. Bye everyone.
about 1 year ago
Mamagirl
There are awesome candles made out of soy. You light the candles and they give a great aroma to the air. The soy wax doesn't get too hot - you can pour it over each other and use it then as a massage lotion. It moisturizes the skin. It's fun and hot.
about 1 year ago
CK
@momi and @rbscherl -- So women at a younger age, discussing the most detailed stories about their experiences (his size, what happened, what they did do, what they didn't do, playing "practicing" games WITH EACH OTHER.. etc..) as teenagers... .. turns into avoidance of the subject, later in life? Huh. Interesting...
about 1 year ago
Dave McQueen
What is the name of this magical lube that regenerates itself? When I've used them I've been very disappointed
about 1 year ago
ChatterBox
How about we just talk...period! And for the most part, no subject is off limits. At least that's how it is for me and my gal-pals.
about 1 year ago
rbscherl
CK- You would be surprised at how few women talk to their female friends about sexual satisfaction. They talk about relationships, kids, family, life, work - but not necessarily better desire, arousal and satisfaction.
about 1 year ago
HeadlessMom
@Mominatrix actually the one we use is totally ok as a lube and ingested. And? totally regenerates itself when you get it wet again. Multi-purpose!
about 1 year ago
Mominatrix
Nancy - Sorry I missed your first post. I get incredibly uncomfortable in my latter half of pg, so I'd try sex toys. I'm not a huge fan of intercourse in the 3rd tri - it's very uncomfy - however, clitoral stimulation can be great. Toys toys toys! Lelo is great, as Redneckmommy said. Lots of great ones out there. Babeland.com, GoodVibrations.com Warming lube can be bad.
about 1 year ago
rbscherl
I like Zestra (www.zestra.com/passion) so much I bought the company (really)!!!!
about 1 year ago
Mominatrix
Nancy - Check my Valentine's Day guide - here's my Father's Day Guide: http://www.imperfectparent.com/mominatrix/fathers-day-gift-guide.php I haven't tried Zestra yet, Tamsen - I blame pregnancy and a traveling husband (argh) but I've heard great things! And CK - not really. It's one of those things where we might complain about it - but we're never really like "OMG I got the coolest sex toy..." Hope that didn't ruin a fantasy (LOL).
about 1 year ago
Redneck Mommy
My husband and I enjoy the Lelo series of toys. We avoid warming lube like the plague. After one incident of incinerating our bits, we've learned our lesson.
about 1 year ago
Tamsen Fadal
massage candles: http://www.jimmyjane.com/shop/candles-c-43.html lube: http://www.zestra: www.zestra.com/passion = a great saturday night!
about 1 year ago
CK
Ok. I just learned something. I thought women had these discussions openly amongst friends. Or do I just keep really open female friends?
about 1 year ago
Nancy_Horn
Plan to try Zestra too, but really need things to spice up!
about 1 year ago
Mominatrix
It's okay, Headless Mom - good reco - and keep in mind - you don't want these lubes IN you. Most are sugar free these days - but still. They taste like a diet soda.
about 1 year ago
Nancy_Horn
I know Zestra is sponsoring, but I'm almost 8 months pregnant with #3 and zero libido, anything else I can use/do?
about 1 year ago
Mominatrix
Couples toys - (people can google :) The Bo (for men) The Sasi (for women) Flavored lube makes giving [you know what] much more enjoyable - I think for both parties. What else am I missing?
about 1 year ago
HeadlessMom
My husband's fave lube is watermellon flavored. (He'd kill me if he knew I said that on the internet!
about 1 year ago
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- Mominatrix 7 comments
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Speaking of dads: I had dads contribute to my Valentine's Day Gift Guide - so if you want to get into their heads, here's what they said:
http://www.imperfectparent.com/mominatrix/valentines-day-gift-guide.php
about 1 year ago
Mominatrix
CK - I think that's a t-shirt "Lockjaw isn't just for women"
about 1 year ago
ChatterBox
Redneck Mommy, CK - ROFLMAO!
about 1 year ago
CK
The roles (and tasks) can also be reversed. Lockjaw isn't just for women.
about 1 year ago
Redneck Mommy
I have that problem too Kristen. I'm usually the one inserting my foot in my mouth. The only good part about that is that if my foot is my mouth that means his dick isn't. However, toejam sucking isn't as fun as mattress dancing...sigh.
about 1 year ago
ChatterBox
Me too Mominatrix
about 1 year ago
Mominatrix
Yes good point. Unless you're in my house. Where I have to watch being the one to say something stupid.
about 1 year ago
CK
Last one's a very good point. But to take it farther re: "date night" types of situations... not just the onus of "an evening out" -- If a dad knows that as long as he doesn't mess the whole night up saying something stupid, and he KNOWS he's gettin' some, you'll probably end up with a pretty good and fun night.
about 1 year ago
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- inkscrblr 6 comments
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Hi there, I am just popping by. Sorry I am late.
Paula
about 1 year ago
Kim
Hello! Trying to catch up!
about 1 year ago
Emily
Hi Kim!!! Welcome!!!!!
about 1 year ago
Mominatrix
Hellllooo Kim!
about 1 year ago
ClumberKim
You're not last...I'm even later!
about 1 year ago
inkscrblr
Thanks. I will do that.
about 1 year ago
Mominatrix
Welcome Paula - you can click around to see some of the questions and comments - but glad to have you!
about 1 year ago
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- Redneck Mommy 21 comments
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With Father's day coming up, I want to give my husband something special to thank him for the gift of stretch marks, saggy boobs and children I'm left alone to raise. Because I'm lazy it totally means he's getting head. Quick and easy. It's a total win win.
about 1 year ago
Piper Heiney
CK, "spread the love?" You're punning with us, right?
about 1 year ago
ChatterBox
CK you are hysterical! So glad you joined in!
about 1 year ago
CK
Whoa whoa, lockjaw ladies. I'm not saying you spoil him in one weekend. Spread the love.
about 1 year ago
Emily
Oh, too funny.
about 1 year ago
Mominatrix
Haha Nina. I'd say make the b-day "foreplay" or something.
about 1 year ago
cathyreads
don't want him to go and get all spoiled or anything right Nina? ; )
about 1 year ago
RoleMommy
OMG Nina - you crack me up.
about 1 year ago
Mominatrix
Welcome TT!
about 1 year ago
Brandie
That is very nice! I have major jaw issues which means you should all feel very very very sorry for my husband.
about 1 year ago
Nina Restieri
My hub might feel jilted but no way he is getting 2 bj's in 1 weekend
about 1 year ago
CK
@Nina - Oh come on now. Didn't you feel jilted as a kid when celebration days were combined? A little cheated, perhaps?
about 1 year ago
Tiruba Tuba
Oh they have erotic books on Kindle and they are FREE! Just tuned in here :) Still, head is much easier.
about 1 year ago
CK
Men everywhere are hi-fiving your husband, though. Don't skimp on the jobs. Men know it means love, and we do appreciate it. :)
about 1 year ago
Mominatrix
Yes - there are a ton of ways to get erotic books - and best online since no cheesy covers. My fave is: http://www.ravenousromance.com - but I think if you search amazon, you'll find a bunch!
about 1 year ago
RoleMommy
Download an erotic book on Kindle and read it together then get busy. Do they have erotic books on Kindle? Inquiring minds want to know.
about 1 year ago
Redneck Mommy
Checking it out right now. I'm always game for new ideas. Preferably ones that won't give me lock-jaw.
about 1 year ago
ChatterBox
Nina and Redneck Mommy are KILLING me!
about 1 year ago
Kristen Hammond
And cheap, Tanis!! THAT'S win-win-win.
about 1 year ago
Nina Restieri
Tanis, my husband's birthday is the day before father's day. So I get to kill 2 birds with 1 stone!
about 1 year ago
Lorraine
@Redneck Mommy LMAO!
about 1 year ago
Mominatrix
Did you see this, Tanis: http://www.imperfectparent.com/mominatrix/fathers-day-gift-guide.php (It's my new guide...)
about 1 year ago
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- Emily 3 comments
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The winner of Book Number Three is .... inkscrblr!!!! Congratulations!!!!!
And don't forget to send an email to share@getzestra.com with your mailing address to be one of twenty-five to win a free sample!
about 1 year ago
inkscrblr
Oh thanks so much.
about 1 year ago
Mominatrix
Congrats! And yes - everyone get themselves some Zestra!
about 1 year ago
Brandie
Congrats!!!!! =)
about 1 year ago
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- Mominatrix 9 comments
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Also, a great gift to your partner/husband and your family is to TAKE CARE OF YOURSELVES MAMAS - and I don't just mean sexually (heh).
about 1 year ago
Mominatrix
Great point! The icky gym clothes can sometimes be a downer. I did the same and not only felt better, but more motivated to work out!!!
about 1 year ago
StephanieK
And I recently bought some decent workout clothes, which I hadn't really thought much about in the past. I feel sexier--and want to work harder to be that way--when I feel that way with all those mirrors in the gym!
about 1 year ago
Mominatrix
Yes, I never understood the value of a blow out (ahem) - but really, that $20 is worth it just to have someone style your hair. And it lasts a few days - or a couple - depending on how many kids and pool dates you have.
about 1 year ago
Lorraine
Getting in shape and exercising regularly has helped my sex drive immensely! I feel sexier when I'm in shape!
about 1 year ago
Redneck Mommy
I always feel super duper sexy when my hair is freshly done. It's worth the money to see a stylist who knows what they're doing.
about 1 year ago
StephanieK
I have only recently realized the benefits of this, and wish I had sooner! It's easy to "lose yourself" in being a parent and wife sometimes. But you will be better on both fronts if you make--and take (which is sometimes hard for us women)--time for yourself.
about 1 year ago
Mominatrix
It's amazing how doing things that doesn't necessarily relate directly to sex CAN BE SEXY. Don't discount anything from new make up to new shoes to a new bra/underwear ETC. Amazing!
about 1 year ago
inkscrblr
I agree. Big time. I feel better about myself in every sense when I am exercising and trying to take care of self.
about 1 year ago
Nina Restieri
This is SO TRUE!!! Nothing is more important. Take care of your body, pursue your own interests/friendships, have your own life. It's a gift to your hubby/kids, and a gift to yourself.
about 1 year ago
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- Mominatrix 13 comments
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I know this is late in the game, but the post-partum stretching threw me for a loop. Still has. Completely affected our sex life. Anyone else?
about 1 year ago
Piper Heiney
Wedge = great angle. Or so I hear.
about 1 year ago
Mominatrix
Yeah angle. Also pumps of the man kind (ha). I will say it was much less disconcerting for him that it was for me. I'm still not over it. And haven't quite figured out how to make it work. Now being pg (intercourse is uncomfy for me after about 22 weeks pg), I'll have to wait until #4 to figure it out.
about 1 year ago
Mominatrix
Yes!
about 1 year ago
Brandie
Kegels are great - especially during sex!
about 1 year ago
CK
Angle plays a big role in those that deal with this.
about 1 year ago
Mominatrix
And Kristen - stop bragging (heh).
about 1 year ago
Mominatrix
Ha. Magpie :) My comments about that are in the book! And yes, Kegels. I need to add them to my workout regimen. FOR SURE.
about 1 year ago
Brandie
Don't hate me - neither dh nor I have ever noticed a difference there pre- and post-baby and I vaginally delivered 3 babies. It's gotta be genetic - because I don't know how else to explain it.
about 1 year ago
Redneck Mommy
Here's where I remind you that Kegels are a girls best friend. Especially those who accidentally pee while jumping on the trampoline.
about 1 year ago
magpie
Snort. My c-section was good for something...
about 1 year ago
Mominatrix
Or like my friend Lotta said "Throwing a hot dog down a hallway" LOL.
about 1 year ago
Kristen Hammond
#1 and #3 had heads in the 99th percentile. So yes.
about 1 year ago
pinkmomofblue
Yeah, it's like putting a piece of spaghetti inside a piece of ziti.
about 1 year ago
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- Emily 2 comments
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Book # four (this convo is moving so fast, I lost track of time)! The winner is: rbscherl
Congratulations!!!!
about 1 year ago
Brandie
COngrats!!!
about 1 year ago
Tamsen Fadal
congrats!!!
about 1 year ago
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- Redneck Mommy 7 comments
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Hmmm, maybe for Father's Day I'll try tickling his prostate. Have never tried that and can pass it off as a health check....
about 1 year ago
Redneck Mommy
@CK Payback is a bitch. Let's see how he likes it when I go "Oops! Wrong hole!"
about 1 year ago
ClumberKim
He will remember Father's Day. Guaranteed.
about 1 year ago
CK
May want to send a warning shot off the bow, first. Ever have your hub say hello to the "other" in without letting you know?
about 1 year ago
Nina Restieri
LMFAO!
about 1 year ago
Emily
So funny. OMG, you make me laugh.
about 1 year ago
ChatterBox
OMG!
about 1 year ago
HeadlessMom
He'll go nuts. Srsly
about 1 year ago
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- Mominatrix 1 comment
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I highly recommend reading Cecily's BJ post - it's enlightening... http://www.imperfectparent.com/mominatrix/im-a-mominatrix.php?id=2 (link is in the interview)
about 1 year ago
Emily
Love the support meetings!
about 1 year ago
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- StephanieK 6 comments
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So, my husband and I have been married 9 yrs. We have 2 kids (6 and 3), and I feel like our sex life is great and not boring. He, of course, would like to have sex more...but with schedules to keep up with, day-to-day stuff, little sleep, and the kids and their needs, it feels like "one more thing" to keep on top of (frequency we're having it each week). I think from my husbands' perspective, we're not "doing it" as often as the rest of parents in the USA with relatively young kids! Suggestions on any of these topics?
about 1 year ago
Mominatrix
You ladies set the bar high. KUDOS!
about 1 year ago
StephanieK
I think he'd be happy with 3x/week. We usually hit at least 2....
about 1 year ago
Brandie
Dh and I try for twice a week - that feels like a win - it is hard - between kids, work, homeschooling, housework, etc, etc. How often does dh think you should be doing it? And how often are you doing it - if the gap isn't that far off, maybe try to add one more time?
about 1 year ago
Mominatrix
That honey-do list might just get a little shorter... :)
about 1 year ago
StephanieK
Well, we're definitely hitting the once a week mark! I'll have to ponder the game idea...good one.
about 1 year ago
Mominatrix
Hi Stephanie - We talked a bit about this - and honestly, once a week is pretty darn good! I think you both have to be realistic - but my guess is that because it's so good, he wants more (can't blame him). I think there's always compromises to be made - maybe it's more than once one week - in exchange for something maybe :) - Make a game out of it - I'd put out for the dishes done more frequently (ha). But I'd let him know that 1x a week is great - and that there are ways for him to get more...
about 1 year ago
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- Emily 3 comments
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The winner of book #5 - the final giveaway is .... Mamagirl!!! You rock, girl!! Thanks for all your great contributions!
about 1 year ago
Nina Restieri
You are so lucky mamagirl!
about 1 year ago
Brandie
Congrats!!!! =)
about 1 year ago
Mamagirl
AWESOME!! I can't wait to read it!
about 1 year ago
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- Mominatrix 0 comments
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Thanks so much everyone - if you have more questions or comments: mominatrixbook@gmail.com - and I do a weekly podcast here:
http://www.mominatrixradio.com
It's so great to be a part of an open, non-judgmental discussion about something that needs to be discussed more! Just because we're moms doesn't mean we aren't sexy. It just takes us a little longer to get the underwear on and off (ha!).
about 1 year ago
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- Emily 3 comments
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I'll tell you what ... we know have 5,000 more reasons to buy Kristen's book!!!!!! This Talk was fabulous. I laughed SO hard, Kegels wouldn't have helped. Oh, you girls are so so so good. And bad.
Thank you for hosting a fantastic conversation today. So honored and privileged to be here with you!!!!!!!!!!!
about 1 year ago
Brandie
Yes, the book is really great and I highly recommend reading it!!! =)
about 1 year ago
ClumberKim
Thanks everyone! Looks like I have some reading to do!
about 1 year ago
Brandie
Thanks everyone for a great chat! =)
about 1 year ago
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- Redneck Mommy 7 comments
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A big thanks to Emily and the Mominatrix for having me here today. Also a huge shout out to our sponsor Zestra! To everyone who participated: THANK YOU. You all made my morning!
about 1 year ago
Nina Restieri
Beth--you are so right!!
about 1 year ago
Mominatrix
Haha Nina - that could be a fun "Mominatrix/MomAgenda" add it feature :) A little "handcuffs" icon, perhaps!
about 1 year ago
Mominatrix
Yes, my mood is definitely on the up and up. Thanks everyone!
about 1 year ago
RoleMommy
Have to say, this definitely did spice up my afternoon. Thanks for the great advice - and Nina - do you have a section in that MomAgenda on when to schedule sex? If not, I think you have a new section for next year :)
about 1 year ago
Tamsen Fadal
Thanks for having us! And enjoy the Zestra!!!
about 1 year ago
Emily
Loved it! Thank you, thank you for bringing all your awesomeness!!! Thanks Zestra for sponsoring!
about 1 year ago
Mominatrix
I have a packet staring at me on my desk. Putting it in my drawer now. Thanks Zestra - and Emily/Cooper for hosting this when others might have run screaming!
about 1 year ago
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- cathyreads 1 comment
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great chat ladies (and gents) thanks!
about 1 year ago
Mominatrix
Thanks for joining in!
about 1 year ago
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- ChatterBox 0 comments
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This was a BLAST everyone! Nice to meet you all and good luck! ;)
about 1 year ago
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- Nina Restieri 0 comments
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Thanks ladies I had fun chatting with you all!
about 1 year ago
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- inkscrblr 0 comments
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Glad i could make it - even if I was late to the party. Always fun Live talks at The Motherhood.
about 1 year ago
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- Brandie 0 comments
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Thank you for this chat. Now sex is way on the brain and I wish hubs were not at work ROFL! ;-)
about 1 year ago
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- NotQuiteSusie 0 comments
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Oh my gosh thank you for this chat. My son turned 10 mons yesterday & my Hubby & I still aren't even close to having sex as often as we used to. We're 21 & 22- we shouldn't have such lame libidos! I'm going to read what's been said so far!
about 1 year ago
Join Kristen Chase and some of our favorite bloggers for a conversation about juggling motherhood and marriage, making time for sex, why is it important and how we can make it a bigger priority. We'll be talking body image, libido, birth control and more. Bring your questions, thoughts, insights and laughs for a great Talk (just in time for Father's Day).
