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can't believe how fast it goes
Dr. Laura Jana and Dr. Jennifer Shu, authors of "Heading Home With Your Newborn: From Birth to Reality," published by the American Academy of Pediatrics, will lead a conversation on all things having to do with babies. Bring your questions, stories, experiences and join a live conversation with other moms and these wonderful experts! We are thrilled to have them here in The Motherhood!
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Heading Home With Your Newborn
Oct 14, 2010 Thursday, 1:00pm EST - Add as Favorites
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TALK HOSTS:
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Category:FAMILY
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- AmberLynn 20 comments
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How does everyone deal with all of the "helpful" advice they get from strangers, family, friends, etc.? Because I know they are all trying to be helpful, but it really makes me feel as if I'm lacking in the experience dept. and really unsure of myself.
about 1 year ago
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- juliepippert 14 comments
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What is the CRAZIEST thing anyone said to you as you were about to become a parent for the first time? And to Drs Shu and Jana...did people give you as much advice (unsolicited) as non doctor moms-to-be get do you think?
about 1 year ago
Emily
Dr Shu, I can only imagine how much your patients love you and how they appreciate sooooo much that you're both an MD and a mom!!!!!!
about 1 year ago
joeyfortman
OH MY GOSH. I just read your comments Emily. My anger management would have kicked in...and I would have to remind myself not to smack the woman. lol. That's just wrong!!!
about 1 year ago
Dr Jennifer Shu
In the medical community in the past, it was sometimes seen as a "shame" if a woman left the workforce to have children. (It's probably even true now, in some circles.) As a pediatrician, I think it made me be a better doctor. I think that being a doctor, I was spared a lot of extra unsolicited advice, except from my mom and MIL :).
about 1 year ago
juliepippert
Oh but funny was the lady who told me that the extra curl in my hair was because I was having a girl...wha??? lol
about 1 year ago
juliepippert
*gasp* Emily, that's horrid. I wonder what in the world goes through people's minds sometimes!!! I though it was bad that my aunt (a nurse) sat and regaled me over breakfast during Thanksgiving (two weeks before my baby came) with horrible birth stories that had tragic results. I do not know why she felt compelled to sit and list every single awful birth she knew about but she did! Luckily I had a great and caring OB and he set me straight lol.
about 1 year ago
joeyfortman
hahah. My older sister - said to me 'AHEM. Now you know, it's not going to be about JOEY anymore...' Then after I had my son-stopped working so much-and did baby yoga and baby massage with him DAILY-she ate her words. Ahhhh. Sibling Rivalry.
about 1 year ago
Emily
On the advice about going outside, I had a friend tell me that she saw it as her duty to take her child outside at least once a day - that the fresh air was good for the baby and the mom. This advice saved me. On any number of days, I needed to get outside more than I even knew until I got walking.
about 1 year ago
AmberLynn
Wow- that was just mean! I was told by someone that if I didn't breastfeed that I was hurting my baby. Now, I had planned to breastfeed, but I was only 19 with my first one and I knew I was going to have to go back to work after he was born, so it scared me to think that if I couldn't breastfeed exclusively that something bad would happen.
about 1 year ago
Emily
Luckily, my friend thought it was hilarious - in a really outrageous sort of way!
about 1 year ago
Brandie
Whoa. That's crazy!
about 1 year ago
MommyBKnowsBest
After I had my youngest we took her outside to get some air, the weather was nice out, she was dressed appropriately and we were only walking 20 feet outside our home. A neighbor came up to us and scolded us for having the baby outside because she was so little. It made me feel like a horrible parent but I knew I wasn't doing anything wrong or to harm her at the same time.
about 1 year ago
Emily
The best advice I got was to trust myself. That my mom instinct would kick in because I knew my baby better than anyone. I loved that.
about 1 year ago
Stephanie
Oh my gosh! That is awful! I cant believe someone would say that.
about 1 year ago
Emily
A friend of mine was asked by a stranger if she was having a girl or boy. My friend was super pregnant, close to her due date and feeling large. When she told the woman she was expecting a girl, the woman said, "Oh, those girls sure do suck the beauty right out of you." And walked away.
about 1 year ago
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AmberLynn
Thanks everyone- now THIS type of advice I can handle.
about 1 year agoDaddy Day Care
I always told my wife to follow her inner voice. In my experience - ANYTIME we have had an issue with our kids - she has this connection that can't be explained and 9 times out of 10 is spot on. During an H1N1 ordeal with all 3 kids - she just knew that our middle child still had an issue after he seemed to be getting better. She DRAGGED me to the Pied - and sure enough - the ER resident missed that he had developed pneumonia and was a few hours/days away from ending up in the ICU... Luckily - she just knew there was something wrong and listened to herself. Find that mommy voice and trust it... then nod and tell everyone thanks for the GREAT advice... :)
about 1 year agoStephanie
Good for you for sticking to your guns!
about 1 year agoNicole Bohorad
I compared all the opinions I researched and made an educated decision, which I made others aware of when necessary, given I was armed with my rationale!
about 1 year agoAmberLynn
I stuck to my guns, and luckily I had brought along an extra bottle and bag of milk, but I often wonder if my mom could be told anything and change her thinking.
about 1 year agoDr Jennifer Shu
Yikes AmberLynn! When safety is an issue, you can't compromise. Some grandparents weren't around when car seats were invented so you can tell them that not only is it unsafe to nurse while the car is moving but it's against the law.
about 1 year agoRoleMommy
I've taken advice from friends - strangers not as much. And for the most part, I relied on my mom a lot!
about 1 year agoMommyBKnowsBest
I think sometimes parents forget that they're your babies even though you're their baby. Plus things have changed a lot since they had little ones.
about 1 year agoAmberLynn
Hopefully that will work with my mom. I thought my MIL would be bad, but my mom has been known to tell me,"Just take the baby out of the carseat and nurse him- I don't want to stop" during long car rides.
about 1 year agoBrandie
Smile, nod, say Thanks for sharing - I'll take that into consideration and then promptly forget everything they just said. They will offer it to you no matter what. You can't control it. You can only control your response. It can be hard, but don't let it get to you. In your head reframe what they are doing and why. It's not because they think you are lacking. It's because it's what worked for them and they want to share with you because they love you and want this time to be the best for you. And if they can offer advice that limits crying and bad days, they feel they are doing something to help. It has nothing to do with what they think of your skills - it's about them sharing with you that they have skills =)
about 1 year agoDr Jennifer Shu
My mother and mother-in-law still give me advice, and my son is now 9! (as in years!) Sometimes people just feel the need to share or get things off their chest, but you don't have to listen if it's not right for you :).
about 1 year agoStephanie
I LOVE that advice Jessica!! LOL
about 1 year agoEmily
Dr Shu, that's a great approach! Love knowing you're supporting your patients in the background, day in and day out, like that!!!!
about 1 year agojoeyfortman
Omygosh. I STILL get it. lol. It's just something you gotta get use to. Cause everyone is the expert. Just follow your heart... and your pediatrician.
about 1 year agoJessicaAPISS
How about earnestly asking the unsolicited advice-giver for her home, cell and email, and letting them know that you are so relieved to have an advice source to call night and day! Scare 'em hahaha.
about 1 year agothegwenshow
*choose "what" sounds best.... (sorry for the typo)
about 1 year agoDr Jennifer Shu
I tell my patients to blame everything on the pediatrician so the parent doesn't look like the bad guy for not agreeing. For example, "My pediatrician says everyone needs to wash their hands before holding the baby" or "My pediatrician doesn't think we should fly across the country this soon." As you get to know your baby, your confidence will grow and you can say, "Actually, baby likes this best" or something like that.
about 1 year agoMommyBKnowsBest
I'd say a polite thank you, we'll take that into consideration. Some of the advice may be helpful and everyone's felt unsure as a mom at some point in their parenthood.
about 1 year agothegwenshow
I pretty "eat the watermelon and spit out the seeds" as my friend would say. Take it all in, and choose would sounds best to you, discard the rest. Every mother's experience is different.
about 1 year agoStacey
I think the worst is from family! My mother-in-law forgets that things might have changed just a tiny bit since she herself had a newborn 35+ years ago. I usually just nod and smile.
about 1 year ago