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can't believe how fast it goes
Ninety-four percent of parents judge their children to be spoiled. Yikes! Richard Bromfield, Ph.D., a psychologist at Harvard Medical School, will lead a conversation on his new book, "How to Unspoil Your Child Fast". Cookie Magazine described Dr. Bromfield's book this way: "It's a lively, engaging, helpful book that offers a look at our generation of parents and why we're tempted to indulge our children." Bring your stories and questions and get ready for an eye-opening, needed conversation!!
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How To Unspoil Your Child Fast
Oct 20, 2010 Wednesday, 1:00pm EST - Add as Favorites
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Category:FAMILY
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- Cooper 14 comments
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Refusing to negotiate - that is a whole other book, I'd imagine! As the mother of a 13 yo girl, negotiation has kicked into high gear. Any suggestions?
about 1 year ago
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- Richard 13 comments
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:-) The generations often do see it through different lenses. And many parents feel deeply that they want to give their children and show them joy in ways that perhaps were not part of their own childhoods. The problem is not with giving, it is with over-giving and overdoing in ways that start to hurt children.
about 1 year ago
Richard
Brandie. try the book. It can start helping in a day.
about 1 year ago
Sandie
Wonderful idea about the advent calendar, Twincident!
about 1 year ago
Brandie
Love that advent idea Twincident! Sky - not sure what you can say. I've kind of gone that bribing route with my 4yo. Sigh. He's a struggle to parent in ways my girls never were. I don't know how to fix it or make it better. I suppose I should get this book though LOL!
about 1 year ago
ClumberKim
My kids are still pushing. If I say no, they ask Dad.
about 1 year ago
Twincident
Last Christmas my twins helped me fill the Advent Calendar box with....notes! Some notes had ideas for a family activity (make a fire, make cookies), other days just had a nice saying. I think they finally 'got' that watching someone open up your note can be just as much fun as opening one yourself. Plus, I didn't have to buy all the candy and junk to fill it. :)
about 1 year ago
Sky
Thankfully, we haven't hit that point of yelling, bribing, etc. The kiddos understand that when we say no, then that's it. I've seen it in the grocery stores, library and other places though. LOL What can I say to help those parents?
about 1 year ago
Emily
Richard, great definition!
about 1 year ago
Richard
The beauty of unspoiling, as described in my book, is that it is merely no longer spoiling. You do not have to undo years of it. Children are very adaptable and want to grow straight. Good leaders know when to change course. When a parent commits to unspoiling, the children follow happily. Yes, they're obliged to protest but the better behavior and greater contentment you will soon witness tells you the wisdom of it and what you've started to do.
about 1 year ago
Laurie
So how do we undo.
about 1 year ago
mmmyatt
we don't have a lot (financially) right now so it has been neat to see the kids get excited about the small things--like something "new" from the thrift store or even the dollar store.
about 1 year ago
Richard
Easy. One, you probably know already. But sure: If your kids frequently whine or demand. If you spend a lot of time yelling, cajoling, bribing, paying for every ounce of cooperation. If your children routinely ignore you. If you have lots of moments when you dislike them or wonder why you became a parent. Enough?
about 1 year ago
Laurie
So how do you undo the overgiving thing in a way that the child understands without detriment?
about 1 year ago
ClumberKim
How do you know when that line has been crossed? I need an alarm!
about 1 year ago
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Brandie
Oh my - my 10yo wants to negotiate EVERYTHING. I have talked to her about this and said, when you do this to everything - dad and I have no way to know what's important to you and what's not. but if you saved it for the things you felt were really important, we'd be more open to listening because we would then know that that was important enough to you to come back and talk to us about. I'm not sure she really gets it yet, but boy. I wish we could stop her from trying to negotiate every. single. little. thing.
about 1 year agoSky
I think I was queen at the wearing down of the 'rents. Hopefully, I mastered the skill enough to be strong w/my own kids. :)
about 1 year agoLaurie
I think I need this book as a mom to twin 4 yr old boys, I sometimes already think im going out of my mind. And I think kids know the way to push the buttons, get us to that frazzled point, and we just surrender. I want to know how to not reach the frazzled point to make it stop immediately!
about 1 year agoTwincident
but isn't it good to give a kid choices? I mean, they don't get to negotiate the choices but at least they get to make a choice? or is that negotiating?
about 1 year agoRobynsWorld
Love the pastry story!
about 1 year agoTwincident
oh I was the queen of negotiating when I was a teen. I am already seeing my skills passed down. uh oh
about 1 year agommmyatt
i do the same if my kids are respectful and talk to me about it. I don't want to be wishy-washy but I hate to come down too hard on something that just isn't that important...
about 1 year agoRichard
Well, yeah, it is never too late. This mom is feeling terrifically empowered and is changing her relationship with her pretty much grown children.
about 1 year agoCooper
Richard, that says it all and then some. Like the 18yo was waiting and wanting it, too...
about 1 year agoClumberKim
That is awesome!!! An example like that speaks volumes.
about 1 year agoEmily
Wow, great story! And to think of all those years the mom was treated like a worn rug. Not a lesson you want to learn when your kids are already on their way out the door!!!
about 1 year agoRichard
But to your 13yo daughter: We train our kids to battle to the last minute of the final hour, They wear us down till they get what they want. We could not devise more effective training to create tough and persistent adversaries.
about 1 year agoRobynsWorld
We sometimes negotiate with T (15). If we make a decision and he is very unhappy with it, if he comes to us respectfully and gives information to us that may make us think differently we will all talk about it. Sometimes we make adjustments, many times not. As a parent I realize that sometimes my decisions are too quick though and if he is willing to approach it respectfully I'm ok with that
about 1 year agoRichard
Hi Cooper. So get this true story, Last week a mother i treat read my book, mostly just as she'd seen i wrote it. Her children are 18 and 22. The next day he 18 yo was watching soaps on the coach, and as her mom left for therapy, the daughter asked her to bring her home a pastry. The mother said sure, and asked the girl to empty the dishwasher. When the mom came home, the dishwasher was empty and the daughter was on the couch watching soaps still. The mother, not at all like her usual indulging, threw the pastry down the sink. When the girl asked where it was, the mother pointed to the full dishwasher. To which the 18yo said, "So when did you decide to step up to the plate?" Says it all.
about 1 year ago