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can't believe how fast it goes
Join author Peggy Orenstein to talk about "new girlie girl culture." Peggy's new book, Cinderella Ate My Daughter, based on her enormously popular article in the New York Times on raising her own daughter, was just published and is getting tons of attention. We'll talk with Peggy about her book and share our own stories, experiences and talk about the challenges of raising daughters!!
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Cinderella Ate My Daughter
Feb 03, 2011 Thursday, 1:00pm EST - Add as Favorites
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Category:BODY AND SOUL
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- Emily 22 comments
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Let's start with some questions already asked. This came in from Morra:
What do you feel the impact of reality TV (I'm thinking esp. Kardashians, Real Housewives) has had on girlie culture?about 1 year ago
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Featured Guest- Vera 14 comments
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When I was young, (real young like 9) my father told me when I was old enough he would make me get cheek implants because my face didn't look right. I will NEVER forget that. He rocked my core - completely changed the way I looked at myself. Because of that (and many other comments like that) I make sure to let my children know how beautiful they are NATURALLY as well as how smart / talented/ etc. Parents have more impact than they think. Positivity grows possibility. As long as we are loving and supportive and involved, everything else will follow. Society needs to let go of this "perfect image". The strive towards it can be exhausting.
about 1 year ago
Shaping Youth
Looking at these parental comments with 'yougawdabekiddinme' incredulity that anyone would SAY these things aloud...Kind of like when I read "Good Girls Don't get Fat: How Weight Obsession is Messing Up Our Girls" and kept thinking, 'say whaaa?' with incredulity. ESPECIALLY parents who should 'know better' ...Highly respect the research on this by Joe Kelly (former DadsAndDaughters.org founder now blogs at: http://www.thedadman.com
about 1 year ago
To really wrap your head around the 'how to say it to girls' issues. Men absolutely need sensitivity coaching on this...and btw, that goes for the Superbowl jiggle fest coming up soon too...Here's a post I wrote about how THOSE comments and asides land on girls who happen to 'overhear' dad's pals make sexist remarks or whatevs: http://www.shapingyouth.org/?p=268 Joe gives great tips on watching the game together/ensuring healthier climates in that male/dad/uncle commentary realm.
thienkim
I've actually taught my DD that fat is bad word. You don't call anyone (not even yourself) fat. She if she hears it, she'll tell people, "That's not nice!"
about 1 year ago
Peggy Orenstein
It does make you realize the impact our comments have. And I ALWAYS tell moms Do. NOT. Comment. On. Your. Own. Weight. Period. It's hard. I know I have to bite it back. But I do NOT comment on my weight in front of my daughter. Or hers. Or anyone's. If she says somethign about someone being fat--and they will--I just say people come in different shapes and sizes and we emphasize HEALTH, not appearance.
about 1 year ago
Brandie
My dad often said to me "If you don't watch your figure, the boys won't either" Way to make me paranoid dad. Ugh.
about 1 year ago
Deborah
Mimi, that is an excellent point. I'm discussed that at length with my own sister who likes to complain about her own weight and looks in front of her daughters. Such a good point!!!!
about 1 year ago
Mimi
Yah, as moms how we talk about ourselves, "I'm so fat" "Man, I'm ugly" "My boobs are too small" makes them look critically at themselves. I never ever discussed anything I felt was wrong with me in front of my daughters. Never got on a scale or any of that. Wasn't worth passing on my issues to my daughters. I just knew way back then how negatively that would imact my girls self image.
about 1 year ago
Featured Guest
Vera
oh mimi - i swear. I keep reminding myself that they are human too and have their own mess to deal with. but it still is just so unbelievable! ;)
about 1 year ago
Mimi
Vera, my dad isn't in my life either. In fact he sent a Christmas card and I told him what I thought of him being "in" my life. Not an easy letter, but it needed to be said.
about 1 year ago
Featured Guest
Vera
Thien -- that is hard to deal with. last year my doctor told me my daughter needed to lose 7 pounds. we quietly (and collectively) changed our eating habits. i never used the word diet in front of her etc. I am always so afraid of scaring her, you know. we both know that will all start up when she gets older through tv, her friends etc. I just didn't want it to come from inside our house
about 1 year ago
Kayla S
My mother always was worried about her weight. It's become an issue with both my sister and I, so you're right when you say you have power to influence your children, theinkim! It's about the thoughts and the attitude that you exude!
about 1 year ago
Mimi
What is it with dad's and their comments? My dad told me when I was in my 20s and a mom of 2 girls: "You look like Shania Twain without the boobs." Thanks for that dad and thanks for noticing my lack of breasts.
about 1 year ago
Featured Guest
Vera
lol - thanks Erin. He's no longer in my life, and in a way I'm thankful. the things he used to SAY omg. It would make your head spin. But you'd be surprised how deep those wounds are. Even at 33, i remember...
about 1 year ago
Thats why i make sure to keep it completely positive with my kids
Erin O
Wow. Vera, you're gorgeous and definitely do not need cheek implants!!!
about 1 year ago
thienkim
I know how you feel! Ever since I was little, 8 or 9, my mom told me how fat I was. She started me on diets when I was 9 or 10. It really affected my self esteem. We have such power to influence our children!
about 1 year ago
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Peggy Orenstein
EEK!!! Posted three times. Why???
about 1 year agoI write a lot about the connection to the flesh-and-blood princesses, too (indsay, Miley, Selena etc).
Peggy Orenstein
And everything in the culture just pushes girls to define themselves from the outside in instead of the inside out....
about 1 year agoPeggy Orenstein
Reality Bites Back is a great book!
about 1 year agoPeggy Orenstein
Also re: reality shows that's really interesting. i don't think (hope not) many little girls watch them but what you're talking about is the peroframce culture tha twe live in how everything is externalized everything is about what you have and how you look rather than about character and deed and ultimately there IS a link there it IS a concern, even if they arent='t watching (again I hope) snookie.
about 1 year agoShaping Youth
Further, I'd highly reco for media literacy to SHOW AND TELL the impact, Jenn Pozner's book and video spoof/channel Reality Bites Back...It really drives the point home what the 'cost' is from a socioemotional standpoint to our girls. --Amy Jussel
about 1 year agoFeatured Guest
suburbandiva
I think it's a different (still important) issue when the tv shows are marketed specifically to girls vs. Adults.
about 1 year agoPeggy Orenstein
Nicole, that is so true. I talk about the ways that confidence ans narcissism got conflated and now acting "spoiled" is a sign of confidence and power. Daisy got a make your own messenger bag kit for her 7th bday that had among the iron on transfers "spoiled" "brat" and "pampered princess," adn that's the sort of thing that really shows where this is going with girls, the box they're being put in that tells them that girlhood is aobut makeovers and spa parties and being the fairest and eventually the hottest of them all....
about 1 year agoFeatured Guest
Vera
and let's face it - most of these reality stars have done something really STUPID - sex tape, drunken mess etc. This is what we feed our kids. (not us - society)
about 1 year agoFeatured Guest
Nicole Perrino
Agreed Vera. I also think that at some point the idea of "Girl Power" took a wrong turn. I feel like it started with proving that we are independent and can hold our own, but then went too far in a lot of these roles on TV where the female is the main star.
about 1 year agoFeatured Guest
Momminitup
So true, Vera. The sense of entitlement is scary!
about 1 year agoMimi
I would think preteens and around that age would see money and sex as the way to get what they want. Stabbing others in the back isn't that big of a deal, etc.
about 1 year agoFeatured Guest
Vera
false expectations will be the downfall of our youth - not everyone is that rich, and can live life without doing much to earn.
about 1 year agoFeatured Guest
Mommy Words
most moms laugh at these characters nut still what we see influences us in some way
about 1 year agoMimi
I agree Lindsey that even shows like Wizards and such have a sexualilzed theme rolling thru them. Innocnence seems lost on most ground.
about 1 year agoFeatured Guest
Nicole Perrino
I agree with Lindsey about the mature roles.
about 1 year agoBrandie
Not long ago I would have said, it doesn't. But then I saw that video on AOL about how to "snooki-fy" a little girl. And it just made me want to puke. Thank goodness my girls don't know who Snooki is or any of this stuff. But I'm sure soon enough they will be hearing about stuff lke this from friends. It worries me. I don't want any of those reality tv stars to ever be role models for my girls. I want them to understand that even reality tv isn't reality. It worries me.
about 1 year agoErin O
And if moms are influenced by these reality "characters," it might affect how they parent their daughters, right?
about 1 year agoFeatured Guest
Momminitup
I agree, Lindsey.
about 1 year agoMimi
I certainly hope not, but if the moms do, the girls will catch parts of it if they're in the same room, dontcha think?
about 1 year agoFeatured Guest
Mommy Words
i hope little girls dont watch real housewives!
about 1 year agoLindsey Mead
My daughter is 8 and I see it with the Wizards of Waverly Place, etc, the extremely mature and sexifed role models they seem to have.
about 1 year agomagpie
Do little girls even watch Real Housewives?
about 1 year ago