"Lifework" is great. Especially because it can mean something slightly different -- yet equally vital -- for each of us.

AMEN -- mothering never stops. I know right now as I try to figure out this new decade of mine and new life stage (especially the physical) I crave mother support and miss it desperately!

Here's a question--when you were ready, if you could jump back into your old career would you do it?

I like lifework too. And excellent poitn re: "so many of us had children later, so that once the children are getting older, we're further along, too ..."

Deborah - I like lifework.

Yes, and I need to look at the bright side.
And I was lucky that I did continue college and got my degree, but now, 7 years after that degree - I want nothing to do with it ROFL!
I'll get through it. And my husband is awesome - when this comes up he reminds me I don't need to know today. I only need to know the day I do it. And that for all he cares I can work at a fabric shop and come home and sew for the rest of my life if that's what will make me happy. Which some days doesn't sound like a bad plan =)

I suppose the questions on what I'm going to do next does make me question myself. My boys need me in different ways and now my parents do too. I think reminding myself of my "lifework" instead of the more popular "worklife" helps.

Thanks, Kayla, and I think that's a great point. It's what makes you happiest. I had no idea what I wanted or needed or even liked to do when my littlest flew the coup (at least for the better part of the day), but it came to me, and it evolved, and I think that's important to remember. You probably won't have this solid idea when your kids leave. But you may have an "idea", and that's all you need to follow.

@Brandie, on the other hand, girl, you are YOUNG and you'll have plenty of time to pursue your dreams once your kids are more independent. Some of us who waited are going to go straight from hands-on mothering to caring for parents to our own retirements. Yow.

Brandie, my mom had that problem, too. She had me when she was 19 and never got to go to college or do anything like that. When she decided that she didn't want to stay home all the time anymore, she was afraid to go out into the real world and find a job. It took her a while to really realize her self-worth and she now has a great job! It's totally possible...you just may have to do a little self-searching. But you'll get there!

@DomesticNotDead...that's amazing. Congrats on finding what works for you and makes you happiest.

I had no career before children. I didn't leave a job. I was barely 20 when my oldest was born. So I don't really have anything to go back to .... I've never had a career. Maybe that's why what comes next is so frighting to me?

I think when you choose to stay home, there's always that question of "is this all there is?" "Do I have more to give?" And I think the answer is always "yes", except that your "yes" may be to earn money, while my "yes" may be to volunteer. I think that when the kids leave for school all day, a mom realizes that cleaning the house doesn't take five days. Time has opened up to do more than "mother". For me, it's been the greatest combination of finding something special that is all my own, and still focusing my efforts on my family.

What Judith said is true -- an earlier generation of women was going from one extreme to the other. Now, even if you're a SAHM, it's not for as long, or you're planning on going back, or you had a longer career before your kids, it's more blended. So the expectation that you suddenly do an amazingly different thing when your kids get older is outdated as well. There's opportunity, for sure, but that radical re-invention doesn't seem as necessary -- or practical.

OMG, Christine, exactly. I think it's a little bit of both.

Never mind the fact that I'm trying to make sure that my parents, who are in ill-health, are being taken care of, too.

I think there's a sense out there that being a mom isn't enough. but i also wonder if it's "out there" or "in me".

For sure, mothering never stops, and I think that's why our generation has determined it's the most important "job" to have. I think it's why so many in our generation are leaving work to stay home. And those who may not be able to afford to quit or may not want to quit altogether, are being able to continue that work from home. It's an exciting time.

I'm constnatly asked what I'll do when I stop being mom. A) I'll never stop. and B) I have NO flipping clue. Which can be scary to admit. And induces feelings of failure. Shouldn't I know what I want to do? Shouldn't I have some life goals or plans or something? But I don't know. And I don't even know where to start. So then I feel like an idiot and end up stammering up "We'll cross that bridge when we get to it" in a really false sing-songy, trying to make this sound good voice. Sigh.

Yes, Judith and to be honest, I'm freakin' tired!!! Also, my inlaws are in their 80's and still have kids moving back home. Believe it or not? I don't want that, either. Guess I'm picky like that!

I think we've been saddled with this image, left over from our mother's generation, that in midlife you suddenly, brilliantly, reinvent yourself. Everything is possible for you -- you can go back to school, launch a new career, etc. I think that was true (or truer) for a generation of women who either weren't contributing to their household income or whose contribution was the much smaller one. But if we're co-wage earners or even the sole wager-earner today, it changes things entirely. Also -- so many of us had children later, so that once the children are getting older, we're further along, too ...

You took the words right out of my mouth. Mine are 13 and 15 and are pushing me away -- but I feel like they need me more than ever or they will get hurt!

I'm 22 and my mom will never stop being a mom. Heck...HER mom will never stop being a mom. That's the way I expect it and society should, too. Everyone needs their mom, no matter how old they are.

It does feel like there are these big expectations looming, doesn't it?!

I SO know what you mean.