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can't believe how fast it goes
During this class, Rosalind and the co-hosts will lead a discussion on how parents can help encourage and compliment tweens to help build their confidence and create a sense of self-esteem. They will also provide suggestions for giving tweens a sense of belonging, pride and trust in themselves.
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Tweens and Building Self-Esteem
Oct 11, 2011 Tuesday, 12:00pm EST - Add as Favorites
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TALK HOSTS:
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Category:FAMILY
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Featured Guest- 24/7 MOMS 34 comments
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What things do you do that you feel help your childs self esteem - such as Family Dinners, Lunch box notes, Date nights with your child alone, Word you say to them etc?
8 months ago
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- indiana 25 comments
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I have a 10 y/o daughter who is a bit chunky. The other day my MIL mentioned she looked good b/c it looked like she had lost weight! I was SO MAD I shot back quickly-"You're fine. That isn't something you need to worry about right now." My SIL has a chunky daughter also and she and her husband are health freaks. My MIL picks up stuff from her and the way she treats my neice, and sometimes I just don't agree!
8 months ago
Talk Host
rosalindwiseman
The other thing that's tricky about doing your best is ti can feel like its never enough.
8 months ago
Talk Host
rosalindwiseman
On the grades, it is really important to get away from the grades and ask them about the process they went through. Aksing them what was most challenging and what they thought about it get to an answer is way more important than they grade.
8 months ago
LaDonna
Thanks Gina - what a wonderful distinction between doing his best and not being THE best. Thanks. Noodling on how that sounds different from what we've beendoing day to day :-) Thx
8 months ago
indiana
Exactly! My sons 83% average in math is wonderful for him. It is his best, at least for right now.
8 months ago
Gina
LaDonna - we had that problem with my daughter last year - we always made a huge deal out of her 100% grades, but we realized that we were setting her up for failure, in a way. Because when she got a 90%, she felt like she had failed. We still praise her for good grades, but we are very careful to make sure the praise is about her doing her best and not doing THE best.
8 months ago
LaDonna
I think we have the opposite problem. We have a 9 yr old (boy) that gets lots of kudos for being smart, knowing a lot about many things. He's a great student, good grades but holds himself to a really high standard - gets frustrated and even lashes out when he doesn't "know" the answers. Keys to helping him get comfortable not knowing but learning? This whole "right answer" thing is challening to overcome.
8 months ago
indiana
Very true Gina. It took me a LONG time to forgive my grandmother. It never erased the things she said though.
8 months ago
Gina
Indiana - it;s especially hard when they are young. My son is a teen and can understand that it's GRANDMA'S problem - not his. But with a younger child, it's hard to make them understand.
8 months ago
Kayla S
It just really is upsetting that all people can focus on is how you look. We are PEOPLE and we have feelings...and it isn't all just about looks! We have brains and so do our kids. They should be praised for that and for their skills...not torn down because they maybe don't look perfect. Ever heard of a growth spurt? Geez!
8 months ago
indiana
Gina-It just breaks my heart to hear my MIL do this to my 10 y/o. And then have her turn around and tell my 8 y/o she has a "models body."
8 months ago
Gina
Indiana - my mother is the same way - VERY superficial. I grew up with her telling me I was fat (and I wasn't - at least then), and I am constantly worried about her being as critical with my children as she was with me.
8 months ago
Gina
My almost 8 yr old daughter is a teeny thing, and yet she recently told me she wishes she was as skinny as her friend. I try very hard to not focus on appearance (especially weight), but they seem to get it from everywhere. It's hard.
8 months ago
indiana
My MIL is very superficial. If it looks good or it's good for her, then it's good. If not she doesn't have the time for you.
8 months ago
Brandie
I'd want to smack them too. Both my daughters get so much praise for being pretty and beautiful. I'm tired of hearing it. Can't someone (other than me) tell them they are smart and intelligent and stuff like that? Nope. It's all about looks. Sigh.
8 months ago
Featured Guest
Sarah Auerswald
I would want to smack them, too!
8 months ago
indiana
Oh-my other daughter can't gain weight. You can see her ribs!
8 months ago
Featured Guest
Sarah Auerswald
I know I'm extremely sensitive about it for my son because I've struggled with weight my whole life.
8 months ago
Kayla S
It's about finding a balance and realizing that you're eating healthy to change your LIFESTYLE...the change in your appearance is just a bonus factor.
8 months ago
temysmom
I have family members who don't think and will say things like, "Your getting kind of tubby aren't you?" to my daughter. I want to smack them.
8 months ago
Featured Guest
Sarah Auerswald
One of my kids is a bit overweight and the other is teeny tiny - we have a crazy dinner table!
8 months ago
indiana
Me too. I'm not exactly skinny myself, but I don't need my daughter to issues. My grandmother was very mean about my weight when I was a child so I guess I'm more sensitive to this.
8 months ago
Featured Guest
Sarah Auerswald
And why do people have to say that kind of thing to kids? Especially family members?
8 months ago
temysmom
We have huge weight issues. My 11 yr old is a little chunky but she has lost a little weight lately. My 9 year old is at the 96th percentile for her weight and the doctor told her she needed to stop eating a lot of foods. I'm struggling with making sure they eat healthy but not focusing so much on the weight. It's hard.
8 months ago
Featured Guest
Jenn Fowler
ohhh, that is tough. I try (because I am overweight and get down on myself) to highlight to my daughter that I want to eat better and exercise so that I will be healthy and feel good-and not emphasize the "look good" part of it.
8 months ago
Featured Guest
Sarah Auerswald
Oh God! I hate the weight issue! It takes me back to my Tween years!
8 months ago
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Cheryl
I can't take credit for this but my husband can...he is out of town a lot and he mails them a letter or postcard to their school address. They come home from school so excited to have received mail from dad...at school! It makes them feel special...now if I did that it would be a no biggie since I am the one around all the time:)
8 months agoJen. L
I try to do things with them separately but, It almost always ends up being 2 and 2! I have two daughters and two sons.
8 months agoFeatured Guest
dumbmom
And they LOVE riddles too. That is one my husband is great at. He keeps them in suspense for days. Sometimes they come home from school and ask to call him so they can see if their guess is right. Really keeps them thinking!
8 months agoFeatured Guest
CraftyMamaof4
@24/7 moms yes to the video games...It amazes my boys that I can actually play lol they are super amazed when I beat them at Guitar Hero
8 months agoFeatured Guest
dumbmom
We play the Michael Jackson experience all the time 24/7 moms. It is their life goal to beat me. They never will:)
8 months agoFeatured Guest
dumbmom
We read together every night too. SOmetimes we just all get a separate book and read in the same room. They love it best though when I read something to them and my husband lays there and um, falls asleep!
8 months agoFeatured Guest
24/7 MOMS
My boys like me to play Video games with them great way to connect
8 months agoFeatured Guest
CraftyMamaof4
I think its more about just being alone with one of the kids than doing something special. In my house when you are fighting for attention with 3 other siblings, sometimes its enough just to be the one to sit on moms lap while watching TV that night. and Yes...my 14 year old daughter still likes to sit on my lap lol.
8 months agoCheryl
Thanks Kayla...I forgot to mention each girl has their own journal so it is special and private:)
8 months agoBrandie
Riddles are a great idea! =)
8 months agoFeatured Guest
24/7 MOMS
Email , TXT., Facebook are great ways to connect to your teens as well and send messages. I txt my kids daily
8 months agoindiana
Cheryl-I love this idea. Both of my girls love to write in notebooks!
8 months agoFeatured Guest
Sarah Auerswald
Great tip 24/7 Moms - looking forward to checking out the questions!
8 months agoKayla S
Cheryl, that's an AMAZING idea! I really love that. pair it with regular conversation and it is really great.
8 months agoLori
I love the riddles!
8 months agoFeatured Guest
24/7 MOMS
Every day on 24/7 MOMS website we post a Table talk question and riddle if you need fun conversation starters
8 months agoCheryl
we keep an interactive journal going night to night. My daughters write in it sometime before bed and leave it on my pillow. I then get to read their thoughts before I go to bed and answer. I leave it outside their door - so they can read it in the morning or whenever. It has opened up a lot of conversations for us and it is fun!
8 months agoTalk Host
rosalindwiseman
And Connect 4 and basketball. I almost always lose in Connect 4 but I am still holding my own at the hoop. And no I don't let them win. They have to earn it.
8 months agoFeatured Guest
Jenn Fowler
We do family dinners and use both a family dinner box (questions) and the "best and worst" question. (ie what was the best and worst thing that happened to you today). I also try really really hard to spend time listening to them-even if it means I have to hear a blow by blow of what happened on Lego Indiana Jones for the Wii or what exactly Ashely said to Ciara about Bobby. . .
8 months agoFeatured Guest
MelissaChapman
Love the idea of writing them letters!
8 months agoTalk Host
rosalindwiseman
Pottery painting is great! Expensive but great!
8 months agoFeatured Guest
MelissaChapman
I too am trying to listen more than talk *(HARD!!) we are also doing one on one time together and the family dinner is a big one
8 months agoTalk Host
rosalindwiseman
I do letters and just go out with one of them. I also take out once in a while my closest friends children, one on one for a little lunch or tea and connect with them. I just found out last night that the girl I do this with, requested she go to our place with her grandfather when he was in town.
8 months agoFeatured Guest
24/7 MOMS
Wondering what to do on a Date night with your kiddos - begn making a list of things they mention they want to do from going to an Ice Cream parlor to pottery painting..then you will have lots of fun ideas to surprise them
8 months agoFeatured Guest
dumbmom
And we eat dinner together at least 5 nights/week, even if I don't cook it myself:)
8 months agoDeborah
Seeing them for who they really are, family dinners and family support with all activities. They know the world can be hard and mean, sometimes. Home and family will always be their soft place to land. Even when they (or I) screw up. :)
8 months agoFeatured Guest
CraftyMamaof4
We are big on family dinners here. I also try to do things with my kids as individuals as much as possible. A little extra attention from mom and/or dad goes a long way to making a kid feel special especially when they have 3 other siblings
8 months agoFeatured Guest
dumbmom
We are lucky we have a great mimi and papa who will take 2 boys at a time and leave one home!
8 months agoFeatured Guest
Sarah Auerswald
I do listen without comment - I've become better at that. I hope it helps.
8 months agoindiana
Whenever I have just one of them in the car with me I make sure I tell them how nice it is to be spending some "alone" time with them.
8 months agoFeatured Guest
24/7 MOMS
Lori so agree
8 months agoFeatured Guest
dumbmom
We try to take each of the boys somewhere special alone a couple of times per year. It's hard b/c they are close in age and have many of the same interests, but it's important to not always think of them as a unit. To let them have time to share with us alone and be focused on alone too.
8 months agotemysmom
I try hard to spend alone time with each of my three daughters. It's important for them to know they have my undivided attention.
8 months agoLori
My daughter and I have mother daughter dates often. We usually go to dinner and a play. I use that time to let her talk to me and tell me about her life and friends. I think it's great to be a good listener.
8 months ago