Please fill in the required fields.Thank you for suggesting a talk topic!
We appreciate your thoughts in making our community even better.
Log in with Facebook
Log in with Twitter
Sign up for The Motherhood
Your password needs to be 6 or more characters.
Already a Member? Log In
Log in with Facebook
Log in with Twitter
Log into The Motherhood
Not a Member? Sign Up
By clicking “Accept,” you acknowledge that you agree to The Motherhood's Terms of Service, Privacy and Copyright Policies.
can't believe how fast it goes
Bestselling author and founder of the Girls Leadership Institute, Rachel Simmons, will lead a Talk on helping our daughters to discover and embrace the best parts of their authentic selves. Bring your questions, your stories of raising your daughters and we'll all learn skills for our girls (and us!) to live with integrity, personal authority and self-awareness.
-
Empowering Girls With Rachel Simmons
Jan 31, 2012 Tuesday, 12:00pm EST - Add as Favorites
- View Talk Summary
-
TALK HOSTS:
-
- Emily 14 comments
-
Rachel, I would love to know if there are particular issues that always come up during Girls Leadership Institute gatherings.
4 months ago
-
- SandyM 14 comments
-
At what age do girls outgrow mean girls behavior, if ever?
4 months ago
Kate B.
well, my middle school bully found me and apologized, so maybe after they have been in jail, had a couple kids of their own and found themselves at 40 ;) Others, never.
4 months ago
Kayla S
What Brandie said! :)
4 months ago
Brandie
Um, yeah, I think some people never outgrow it. But most do and as you get older it's easier to avoid ... high schools/college are generally bigger and so it's easier to not interact with those you don't wish to on a social basis.
4 months ago
Talk Host
RachelSimmons
Recent research on girls and their mothers show that if mothers do not intervene when their daughters display relational aggression in nursery school, these girls become more aggressive as they get into elementary school. As far as I'm concerned, it's like any other behavior your child displays: if you don't weigh in and say "no," the tacit message is, "go right ahead." One reason why we have so many aggressive girls is that mothers don't always take it seriously when their daughters start saying things like, "You can't come to my birthday party if you don't give me that toy."
4 months ago
So, in sum, girls don't outgrow if they don't have a reason to.
Beyond that, I would add that for other girls it IS more developmental than anything, and they certainly do outgrow it in time.
Becki
I think some people do as they mature...but I've met plenty of mean girls/women that I bet will be whacking people in the shins with their canes when they're in the nursing home.
4 months ago
Featured Guest
Jenna
I agree completely, Erin! Once in college and beyond it's a bit easier to avoid. It's so sad that it's still an issue even as adults though.
4 months ago
Featured Guest
Molly Gold
Erin you nailed it ~ toxic people ~ not an option...
4 months ago
Erin O
I witnessed it through college and beyond. Luckily, after high school, you aren't in such a restricted social environment and can more easily avoid the toxic people.
4 months ago
Featured Guest
Jenna
That's a great question. For some it never seems to end...even into adulthood.
4 months ago
temysmom
It is just crazy all the drama with grown women. It's so ridiculous.
4 months ago
Featured Guest
Momminitup
Jill - seriously. Look at the drama in the blog world.
4 months ago
Featured Guest
Molly Gold
I see it in grown women and am stunned...
4 months ago
temysmom
My 12 year old went through mean girl stuff really badly in 3rd grade. She's great now but I really worry when she does to Junior High next year.
4 months ago
Featured Guest
DiaperDiaries
Well considering I still see it in adults, I am going to guess never :(
4 months ago
Sign Up For Our Newsletter 
©The Motherhood 2012
Kate B.
@RachelSimmons **not everything is personal, and not everyone is your friend -- and that's okay!**
4 months agoThat's a great lesson, Rachel. I will use that even for myself-Thanks!
Featured Guest
DiaperDiaries
Rachel you are so right. one of my main friendships right now is a group of three and I STILL get ridiculously insecure!!
4 months agoTalk Host
RachelSimmons
Hey Diaper Diaries -- groups of 3 have been hard for me, too, as an adult! There is just something really tough about that inherently, and there's not much we can do about it. Having said that...some things you can do with your daughter include letting her know that it's not her fault, and that it's hard for everyone in 3's; if you have young kids on a 3-some playdate, setting expectations (subtly, carefully, but firmly) about playing together and making sure everyone is included; giving your daughter some skills to deal with exclusion. The best way to do that is by practicing things she can say, such as how she feels, what she needs, or asking why they are doing something without her. role play is extremely effective towards this end, and it's a lot of what we do at Girls Leadership Institute.
4 months agoFeatured Guest
Jenna
That's a great point about not necessarily needing to be friends with everyone. Important to remember.
4 months agoFeatured Guest
Momminitup
That's an interesting thought - it's ok not to be friends with everyone.
4 months agoTalk Host
RachelSimmons
Not sure I totally understand the question, Molly, but let me say this: one struggle girls -- indeed, all women have -- is that no matter how carefully you try to assert yourself, people think you are being "mean." This has been observed in women who ask for pay raises, and girls who try to lead. I also think another issue that plagues girls' leadership is that so many girls are taught to be friends with everyone. It is the one relationship they are told is primary. That makes it awfully hard to have colleagues, subordinates, etc. -- and therefore challenging to have to invoke leadership skills. If you're supposed to be liked by all, how can you assert yourself? That's why I think it's so crucial for girls to learn early that not everything is personal, and not everyone is your friend -- and that's okay!
4 months agoFeatured Guest
Momminitup
I lived in a triple during college - not sure the "groups of three girls" thing ever gets any easier.
4 months agoCooper
Oh me too.
4 months agoFeatured Guest
Jenna
I agree, groups of 3 are the hardest!
4 months agoFeatured Guest
Molly Gold
Rachel this couldn't be more timely! My daughter has daily reports of different things that are happening on the playground both to others and sometimes to her...hurts my heart so...
4 months agoFeatured Guest
DiaperDiaries
I find the groups of 3 are the hardest with my daughter. Any strategies for dealing with that dynamic
4 months agoFeatured Guest
Momminitup
It makes my heart hurt just thinking about it!
4 months agoTalk Host
RachelSimmons
Great question, Emily! Well, it certainly depends on the age. GLI runs programs for girls in K-1, 2-3, 4-5, 6-8 and 9-12 (phew, I got tired writing that!). Last night I taught a 2nd-3rd grade workshop here in western Massachusetts, and a prominent theme was friends running away from you at recess or after school. There are also situation where nascent girl drama causes splitting of girls into pairs and threes, e.g., "You made my friend mad, so we're not going to play with you." At this age, they are just coming into the sophistication of group divisions and how that can be manipulated both to deal with your own feelings and rasie your social status.
4 months agoFeatured Guest
Molly Gold
Teaching girls to lead without alienating other girls is more challenging than I ever knew, and the reality that universally its acknowledged that jealously and mean spirited behavior is just how girls can be is so sad...how can we combat that?
4 months ago