The Kids Grow Up

Doug Block and Marjorie Silver joined TheMotherhood to talk about Doug’s new film, The Kids Grow Up, and to share stories and advice on how parents can prepare for their kids leaving home.  Here are the Top Nine:

1. Give Them Wings: Many parents hold onto their kids as long as they can, but it’s important to give them “wings” to fly, so they can function independently.  Think about it as Jen does: “Mine hasn’t chosen a college yet but is leaning towards the university here, which means I will see him whenever he is hungry or needs clean clothes. Which is why I am trying to get him to go out of state.”

2. It’s Not About You, Hard As That Is: The way we raise our kids – teaching toward independence – prepares them for the separation, and often it’s the parents who are really unprepared.  As Marjorie said, “You have to let go. It’s not about you, hard as that is. It’s about shepherding them into adulthood. Let them go now, and perhaps they will want to return of their own volition eventually.”

3. Let Them Make the Decisions: We need to allow our kids to show us who they are and listen as much as we can when they make choices for themselves.  When it comes to college, as much as we might want them to stay close to home, we have to let them go where they think they can succeed and grow.

4. Make Sure They Know the Basics: Teach your kids the important things before letting them go – how to handle money, avoid credit card debt, drink alcohol responsibly, cook and clean for themselves, etc.  It will make you feel more confident in their ability to survive without you.

5. Tips on Applying for Schools: There are lots of deadlines, so make sure you and your child are well versed in the application timeline.  Sometimes early applications (submitted by Nov. 1) don’t require an application fee.

6. Transition the Rest of the Family: Before your oldest leaves for college, plan ahead and consider how the rest of your children will handle it, and who will take on the household chores your college kid is leaving behind.  On the bright side, you’ll have less laundry and a smaller grocery bill!

7. The Advantages of Technology: With cheap phone calls, Skype and the many other ways technology allows us all to keep in touch, the “only” thing you will need to miss when your child goes to college is the physical closeness.

8. Doug on Creating “The Kids Grow Up”: I’d been thinking about [turning the years of video records into a film] often through the years. Just couldn’t figure out how to frame it as a story. Wasn’t enough to just see a little girl grow up on camera, even as interesting, sassy and funny as Lucy is. Wasn’t until she was entering her senior year of high school that I realized it wasn’t really about her growing up. It was about a parent dealing with the looming loss of their only child. It was about letting go. That’s when it became a film.

9. About the Movie: The movie follows Doug and Marjorie’s daughter Lucy through her senior year of high school, as they face the prospect of sending her off to college.  It has opened and is having a slow rollout to different cities around the country.  It will also be on HBO on Father’s Day 2011.  Check www.thekidsgrowup.com for details about where the film will be screened.

A BIG thanks to Doug, Marjorie and the amazing mom bloggers who co-hosted this Talk:

Brandie, Journey of 1000 Stitches

Elizabeth, Busy Mom

Ellen, Confessions of an Overworked Mom

Heather, Domestic Extraordinaire

Jen, Redhead Ranting

Jenn, Mommy Needs Coffee

Latricia, 1 Stop Mom

Mary, Everyday Baby Steps

Deborah, Apples in Wonderland

Mimi, Woven by Words

See the original Talk here: http://tmotherhood.wpengine.com/talk/show/id/62096