Tweens and Personal Hygiene

Tween Academy continued with the second of four classes on September 28, 2011, and the topic of the week was tween hygiene.  Moms arrived at the Unilever-sponsored class in TheMotherhood ready to exchange ideas and stories for cleaning up their kids’ act.

 

“Can’t wait to hear about all of your experiences! I made sure to put on a ton of deodorant,” joked Deborah at VodkaMom.

 

Rosalind Wiseman, parenting expert and New York Times bestselling author of Queen Bees and Wannabes, led the class with help from six blogger co-hosts.

 

During the tween years, increased hormones are starting to cause noticeable differences in your child’s body, and it’s important to talk to your tween to help them understand these changes. Growth spurts and developing body odors are totally normal at this age – and you can help them through those issues.

 

As Rosalind said, “We love our children, but we don’t have to love their stink! Personally, my younger son’s soccer cleats could be used as a weapon of mass destruction!”

 

To be part of an ongoing discussion, you can visit Don’t Fret the Sweat on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/#!/DontFretTheSweat

 

 

Discussing Physical Changes with Tweens

 

Respect their privacy. Don’t ever say anything around their friends or in any public place. Ever. Be patient.

 

Keep it light. If you’ve already noticed a new odor in his or her clothes, find a gentle, upbeat way to talk about some new things they might want to do now that their bodies are growing into adulthood. Think about how you felt when you were his or her age. You may want to share a funny memory about you or a classmate. Start the conversation and give your tween an opportunity to react.

 

Give them a say. Ask them if they want to go to the store with you to buy deodorant or other personal hygiene products for them or if they want you to do it. If they want you to do it, casually tell them what you bought and where they can find the items when you return.

 

 

Helping Tweens Develop Good Habits

 

“It’s really hard to convince the kids that they smell bad. They don’t get it… or they don’t care,” pointed out Carolyn, This Talk Ain’t Cheap.

 

As the parent of an oblivious tween, one of your toughest jobs is to convince your child in the nicest way possible that he or she needs to shower regularly and wear deodorant.  And not go overboard on the smell-masking products.

 

Noted Latricia, One Stop Mom, “A little goes a long way with body mists and perfume … My 9-year-old drowns herself in it.”

 

One solution for heavy scents: Suggest to your tween that he or she spritz their perfume/cologne/body spray once in the air in front of them and walk through it.  It won’t smell quite so overpowering.

 

“What I worry about for tweens is that so many of them are reaching puberty faster and BO is one of the first and really painful ways kids tease each other. So it’s really important to talk to our kids,” said Rosalind Wiseman.

 

“It’s a tricky line between educating them and making them self-conscious,” added Mary Davis, Everyday Baby Steps.  Sometimes the solution is taking small steps and creating new routines.

 

Carolyn at This Talk Ain’t Cheap said, “I think getting your kids into the habit of regular bathing is the key. If the habit is to shower every night then you don’t have as many stinky issues.”

 

And with her own daughter, LoraK “keeps setting the deodorant right by her clothes or her toothbrush” to get the point across.

 

 

Showering Regularly

 

Habitual bathing can help eliminate BO problems, but only when your tween actually cooperates – and to keep smells at bay during the day, deodorant is key.

 

“Showers aren’t the issue, it happens each night. It’s proper cleaning!” said indiana.

 

“I was just talking to my 10 year old about it,” said gottalovemom. “Last night, I actually showed him how to take a shower. I told him, I won’t look. Hopefully it worked!”

 

And a thorough washing should include hair scrubbing.  “My son washes his hair every day when he takes a shower. I buy bodywash that can be used for hair and body. This definitely makes it easier,” suggested Latricia at One Stop Mom.

 

On the other hand, some tweens like showering a bit too much.  Jeannine M. explained, “Mine is in there for almost 30 mins. I have tried a timer to get her to cut back, but she showers through it.”

 

Agreed Stacie, The Divine Miss Mommy, “Sometimes I have to go in and turn off the water on my 9 year old. This is after several warnings and around 45 minutes of water.”

 

Convincing kids to shower when they don’t want to – or to cut back on showering when they love it – can be tough.  A few suggestions for cutting back:

 

Help your tween create a 10-minute play list of favorite pop songs. When the songs end, she’ll know to get out of the shower.

 

If they’re environmentally conscious, remind them that they’re wasting 2.5 gallons of water for each minute they’re in the shower.

 

Set a schedule – for example, if she isn’t out of the shower and ready by a certain time, she has to make her own breakfast.

 

 

Dealing with Problem Hair

 

Getting kids to wash their hair on a regular basis to avoid the greasy look can be just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to handling hair problems.  For girls, knots and tangles can be a painful issue, too.

 

“I have a great hair tip I just learned from my hairdresser,” shared Carolyn at This Talk Ain’t Cheap. “I know my girls like to use a ton of conditioner and hairspray. That builds up and causes lots of tangles in their hair. When they shower… rub a handful of baking soda into their hair… then use shampoo as normal… and the baking soda takes all the waxy build-up right off the hair. No more knots. It’s amazing.”

 

Said Deb at Mom of 3 Girls, “I just reviewed a product called the Knot Genie – it’s been amazing to use on my 8yo’s long hair. It doesn’t totally get rid of tangles/crying but it is so much easier to use and she doesn’t resist brushing her hair like she did before. I would totally recommend it!”

 

“We love John Frieda’s serum. (Any of them work.) My daughter had the same issue. If you put it on her hair wet and come it out. I promise it will stay out of knots. That was the first thing my daughter said. Mom…no knots!” added Tammy.

 

And as boys and girls enter puberty, facial, underarm and leg hair can also become a source of self-consciousness you need to address.

 

 

Shaving

 

While necessity often dictates when boys begin shaving, girls are more likely to begin feeling social pressure to shave their legs as they get older.

 

Deborah said she thinks it “totally depends on the boy. Some of my son’s friends began shaving at 13 and some still don’t (at 17)…and don’t need to. My son shaves just a few times a week. My younger son will undoubtedly begin sooner.”

 

Meanwhile, “with girls the decision of when to begin shaving is one that must be decided on the family level rather than following a general guideline,” said You ARE Loved. “However, please keep in mind that if she has hair and is self-conscious it is worth considering – regardless of her ‘tween age’ at the time. Girls can be quite cruel to one another in these years.”

 

“Self-esteem is such an issue,” agreed Deborah at VodkaMom. “This is why I felt that the shaving thing was a battle I wouldn’t be involved in. If it made them feel better about themselves, then great.”

 

It’s important to let your kids know that they can approach you with this issue when they are ready.  Sneaking mom and dad’s sharp straight-edge razors can be dangerous – it’s often easier and safer to start your tweens with electric razors, which are less likely to cut them.

 

 

Convincing Tweens to Brush Their Teeth

 

Tooth-brushing is an activity that often gets a lot of complaints – and it can be like pulling teeth to get kids to do it in the morning AND the evening.  Moms had a few suggestions for encouraging good brushing behavior.

 

“I got small dry-erase boards from the dollar store and have magnets that they stick by each item to ‘check’ it off every time. So far it’s really helping!” said Deb, Mom of 3 Girls.

 

We do the breath test. The kids have to breathe on me… which they never do because I just have to ask them and they run to the bathroom to brush,” added Carolyn at This Talk Ain’t Cheap.

 

Suggested Jeannine M., “I make her brush at the same time I do.  We also set an alarm in her room to remind her.”

 

And Stacie at The Divine Miss Mommy has “a reward system. When they do chores and things like brush their teeth, etc, they get stars in return to put on a chart.”

 

 

Tackling Stink at School

 

After heavy activity at school during recess or gym class, tweens might need to freshen up.

 

“Especially for the kids who are on the later stages of tweendom – 11 and 12 – I think its a really good idea to give them the travel sizes [of personal hygiene products like deodorant] so they can put one in their school locker for emergencies, one in their sports bag, and one in their bathroom,” suggested Rosalind Wiseman.

 

Some teachers are also particularly understanding.

 

“Many I work with have a drawer of things like deodorant, sanitary pads for girls, etc. It’s these seemingly small things that make the difference between a tween feeling comfortable in school or not,” said Rosalind Wiseman.

 

 

Helping Girls through Puberty

 

These days, girls are reaching puberty at an earlier age, and you should be prepared to discuss these physical changes with her.

 

“I have talked to my girls about this. I have found it easier to be blunt about these topics. My kids like it that way because they are ok asking me almost anything,” said Latricia at One Stop Mom.

 

Others might not feel comfortable talking so openly.

 

“I think mothers can really worry and freak out a little about how young their daughters develop – especially if it’s younger than when they did. But if your child is starting to go through puberty (and BO is one of the first signs), then you have to go where she is,” said Rosalind Wiseman.

 

“My girls have definitely started developing much earlier than I did,” said Carolyn at This Talk Ain’t Cheap.  And Mary at Everyday Baby Steps agreed, “My daughter carries pads with her at almost 11yo because some of her friends have gotten their periods. Adds another level to the hygiene issue.”

 

“One of my friends suggested girls wearing bike shorts (or something similar) to help them feel comfortable with a pad on” when they first get their period, said Tammy.

 

And indiana added, “The school nurse is an excellent resource. I tell my daughter (she has a male teacher) ask to go see the nurse. Say it’s personal. The teacher will get it!”

 

To help explain physical changes and hygiene issues to your daughter, you can seek out resources in your community.

 

“At my 10yo’s checkup last spring, our pediatrician gave her a copy of the Care & Keeping of You book from American Girl – it’s been a great resource for her (and me)!” said Deb at Mom of 3 Girls.  Agreed Carolyn at This Talk Ain’t Cheap, “It talks about everything from brushing your teeth to using tampons.”

 

“We took a puberty workshop through Girl Scouts and it was VERY helpful. Presented in a way that the girls were not embarrassed – they had fun,” added Stacy.

 

And You ARE Loved said, “We are glad to be a resource. If anyone has menstrual questions — please ask freely. You can be in touch through our contact us link.”  Here is the link: http://you-are-loved.org/contact-us/

 

 

Pat Yourself on the Back!

 

Participating in this chat, reading the summary, or seeking out resources of any kind to help your tween through the tough transition years demonstrates how much you care!

 

Said Carolyn at This Talk Ain’t Cheap, “This is so great that we are all having this conversation about helping our tweens through this time of their lives. Our kids are lucky to have us.”

 

 

Thank you!!!

 

A BIG thanks to Rosalind Wiseman to lending her parenting expertise to our Tween Academy classes, and to Unilever for being our sponsor and making this all possible!  Another thank-you to our fabulous blogger co-hosts:

 

Deb, Mom of 3 Girls
Carolyn, This Talk Ain’t Cheap
Mary, Everyday Baby Steps
Stacie, Divine Miss Mommy
Deborah, Vodkamom
Latricia, 1 Stop Mom

 

Don’t Fret the Sweat on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/#!/DontFretTheSweat

 

 

See the original Talk here: http://tmotherhood.wpengine.com/talk/show/id/62265