Better by Mistake: The Unexpected Benefits of Being Wrong

“I can’t tell you how many people call themselves ‘recovering perfectionists,’” said Alina Tugend, author of Better By Mistake – the Unexpected Benefits of Being Wrong, during her live Talk in themotherhood.com.

“Women in particular tend to agonize and beat themselves up over mistakes – more than men tend to do,” said Alina.  “That’s not necessarily good.  We have a hard time moving on and forgiving ourselves.”  Alina’s Talk in TheMotherhood brought to the fore how much the issue of allowing ourselves and our children to make mistakes weighs on mothers.
A few highlights from the Talk:
“I used to think I would have less mistakes as a parent with my second child.  Whoopsies. New kid = new opportunities for mistakes, that’s for sure.”
– Deborah King, Apples in Wonderland
To view this post in the Talk, click here
“I still make a lot of mistakes, but I think my reaction to them changed with my second child … Sometimes I think that becoming a mother helped me to let go of my ‘need’ to be a perfectionist.”
– Stacy Swann, My Life of What Ifs
To view this post in the Talk, click here
“I have five children…I make mistakes ALL the time…but I glean from the learning process along the way, which leads me to my question.   Should we really view mistakes as mistakes, or instead view them as a refining tool?”
– Wendy Horning, Journey to Ezer
To view this post in the Talk, click here
“In our society, we fail to see the benefits of making mistakes because we’re so focused on results. In other cultures, the emphasis is more on effort and process. We need to let go of the laser-like focus on results as much as possible.”
– Alina Tugend, Better By Mistake
To view this post in the Talk, click here

 
“I felt that I had a good or at least healthy attitude about mistakes, but now that my oldest is almost 17, my fears or control issues are back in full force. I am trying daily to combat it. To acknowledge both my fears and that I cannot control another person’s need to make their own mistakes. Right? It seems like mistakes now can be so much bigger and life-long. Deep breaths. Deep breaths.”
– Deborah King, Apples in Wonderland
To view this post in the Talk, click here
“I’ve learned it’s okay to let your children see you cry, to let them see you sad, to let them see that you get overwhelmed and that you are tired and sometimes you make the wrong the decision as a parent. I’ve learned to apologize when you are wrong. And that sometimes you admit that you’ve yelled – not because of what they did – but because you are having a crappy day and it’s not their fault and even though you shouldn’t’ take it out on them, you are sorry you did.  Otherwise they internalize they are the cause of your bad mood and they have to carry that around in their heart. “
– Brandie Langer, Journey of 1000 Stitches 
To view this post in the Talk, click here
“I tell my children when I make a mistake with them. I often apologize for things like rushing and not being super cheery about it with them due to my poor scheduling.”
– Wendy Horning, Journey to Ezer
To view this post in the Talk, click here
“We all make mistakes everyday. We get a really unfortunate message in our society that perfectionism is attainable – such as failure is not an option. Perfectionism is not an option and we need not only to realize that, but internalize it.”
– Alina Tugend, Better by Mistake
To view this post in the Talk, click here
“I never realized I was a perfectionist until I noticed that I wasn’t getting things (work related done). I was so overwhelmed by the task at hand and not knowing where to start to get it done – that I just avoided it.”
– Wendy Horning, Journey to Ezer
To view this post in the Talk, click here
“Some research on perfectionists and non-perfectionists taking a writing test showed that the non-perfectionists actually did better – because the perfectionists were so afraid of negative feedback that they failed to learn as well.”
– Alina Tugend, Better By Mistake
To view this post in the Talk, click here
“The trouble is, when we see no advantage to mistakes, then we hate them. We need to see that by avoiding mistakes, we often avoid risk, challenges and trying new things.”
– Alina Tugend, Better By Mistake
To view this post in the Talk, click here
“We can’t always expect our kids to be perfect either.  We basically set them up for failure when we put that kind of pressure on them.  On ourselves, as well.”
– Mimi Baker, Woven by Words
To view this post in the Talk, click here
“How could I expect them to be perfect when I mess things up all the time?!”
– Kim Chance, Savor the Days
To view this post in the Talk, click here
“It’s so hard to know when to share and when not to. Because we want to help them not make mistakes, and sometimes they actually need to make it to get the lesson into their heart/brain!”
– Brandie Langer, Journey of 1000 Stitches
To view this post in the Talk, click here
“For some reason, I think my own hindsight will give them future sight, but it just doesn’t work that way.”
– Mimi Baker, Woven by Words
To view this post in the Talk, click here
“Child-development experts talk about the best way to build self-esteem in our kids is not by constant praise but by letting them make mistakes and learn from them – by building resilience. This is so important. It’s hard when our children are unhappy, but they have to learn it’s okay to be uncomfortable. We can’t rush in and protect them all the time.”
– Alina Tugend, Better By Mistake
To view this post in the Talk, click here
“Our children need to learn that they can make mistakes and fail and recover. That is the most important lesson we can give them. And it’s a really hard one.”
– Alina Tugend, Better By Mistake
To view this post in the Talk, click here

See the original Talk here: http://tmotherhood.wpengine.com/talk/show/id/62139