Author

As all parents know, getting kids to get in bed and sleep through the night can be a major challenge.  In TheMotherhood today, moms asked questions, shared stories and got advice from the Sleep Lady, Kim West, author of “The Sleep Lady’s Good Night, Sleep Tight.”  Read the highlights from this insightful Talk for some great ideas for making bedtime easier!

 

Setting a Sleep Routine: Turn off the screens an hour before bed. Have quiet time and a relaxing ritual in dim lights, soothing atmosphere, etc. For adults, don’t bring your smartphone into your bedroom or read work materials at night. Most of all, get your bedtime window right: For adults, usually between 10-11 p.m., and for most children under six years old, 7-8 p.m.

 

When Crying It Out Isn’t an Option: Focus on “filling the sleep tank” during the day (for example, with great naps), figure out when your baby’s bedtime window is, and put him/her down awake at bedtime. Stay and pat, pick up to calm, and soothe until your baby falls asleep.  This will teach your child how to sleep alone early on, rather than co-sleeping, which is a tough habit to break later.

 

Weaning Kids Off of Co-sleeping: Kim’s book outlines how to have a family meeting to set up the new rules or “sleep manners.”  Kids need to learn the skill of putting themselves to sleep without anyone lying with them. Look for a method called “The Sleep Lady Shuffle” in Kim’s book. It will take effort and consistency on your part!

 

Encouraging Kids to Put Themselves to Sleep: Have a regular routine. Make a poster with drawings of bedtime steps to show your child, and explain rules and expectations for sleep.  You can put a tall gate in front of the bedroom door and explain that the gate can come down when they remember all their sleep manners and stay in their bed all night long until a wakeup light or music comes on.

 

Seizing the Day (or Night): The longer you wait to change a habit, the harder it is, so get started right away. If you want to co-sleep for the longer term, then do it safely and at least have your children nap in their cribs.  Then transitioning to independent sleep later will be easier.

 

Creating a Nap Pallet: If your kids are already accustomed to co-sleeping, make a “pallet space” in your bedroom – for example, using a sleeping bag with a warm fuzzy blanket on top – and let your kids “decorate” the area as they prefer with blankies and stuffed animals.  It will help them make a gradual transition from sleeping with you in your bed, to sleeping near you, and eventually sleeping in their own beds.

 

Getting Two Kids to Sleep: You don’t want to end up catering to one child to avoid them waking the other in the night. Start by putting your kids to bed at different times, so you can completely focus on each one.  If the kids cry or fuss at night, divide and conquer, with one parent soothing each child.  If you are a single parent, go to one child and then the other.  If they are in the same room, you can sit in the room until they are asleep.

 

Soothing Your Kids to Sleep: An Epsom salt warm bath before bed can help kids of all ages – the magnesium relaxes them.  Another relaxant is Essential Oil of Lavender. Put a drop on your fingertip and dab the middle of your child’s forehead, then massage their backs and feet with a lavender oil/olive oil combo.

 

Dealing with Bedwetting: If your child wets the bed and crawls into your bed just because it’s a dry place to sleep, try making his or her bed using layers of sheets with a mattress protector in between. That way, your child can pull of the wet layer and get right back in. If the problem recurs, make sure your child does not have sleep apnea, which can also cause bedwetting.

 

Chasing Away Nightmares: Try using “monster spray” to eliminate your child’s fears of darkness and bedtime.  Fill a spray bottle with water and lemon juice (or anything) and spray it in every corner, under the bed, etc.  You can even let the little ones take it and spray wherever they think necessary to help them calm down.

 

Handling the Time Change: Daylight Saving Time is approaching, and it can wreak havoc with kids’ sleep schedules.  The day before the night you change the clocks, make sure your child is well napped so that you can make bedtime a tiny bit later. This will work better if your child is already well rested. Don’t get your child up for the day until at least 6 a.m. the new time. The next day, adjust the naps so that you can make it to the new later bedtime.

 

Most Common Causes of Early Rising: If your kids are getting up and waking YOU up way too early in the morning, one of these could be the cause: Going to bed too late; nap deprivation; being awake too long between afternoon nap and bedtime; going to bed too drowsy.

 

A BIG thanks to Kim and all of our mom experts!!  The amazing mom bloggers who co-hosted this Talk are:

 

Crystal, Simply Being Mommy

Courtney, One Bored Mommy

Ellen, Love That Max

Grace, Formerly Gracie

Mary, Everyday Baby Steps

Niri, Mommy Niri

Pamela, The Dayton Time

Renae, Madame Deals

Stephanie, Montgomery County Moms

 

 

See the original Talk here: http://tmotherhood.wpengine.com/talk/show/id/62085

Today in TheMotherhood, moms gathered to “bring spoiling out of the closet” and discuss ways to unspoil kids – or avoid spoiling them in the first place!  Led by host Richard Bromfield, Ph.D. and author of How to Unspoil Your Child Fast, the chat was insightful and interesting and provided some good guidelines for getting started.  Check out the highlights below to learn more!

 

– Definition of Spoiling: Spoiling means to harm the character of a child by being too lenient or indulgent. Though, at its worst, spoiling can harm character, in milder forms, it can rob children of opportunities to learn life skills that will help them survive and thrive as teens and adults in a world that – unlike your loving homes – won’t coddle, indulge, and rescue them.

 

– Your Kids Might Be Spoiled: If they frequently whine or demand. If you spend a lot of time yelling, cajoling, bribing, paying for every ounce of cooperation. If they routinely ignore you. If you have lots of moments when you dislike them or wonder why you became a parent.

 

– Why We Spoil: A majority of parents see their own children as spoiled (and also feel handcuffed to do anything about it). It has been a creeping process that has been fueled mostly by the influence of advertising and media, making everyone want and need more. Previous generations indulged less (or differently), but it can’t be that those parents were good and we are not. We are up against huge and powerful forces that lead us to indulge.

 

– Don’t Confuse Showing Love with Spoiling: NEVER mix up “showing love” with “spoiling.”  My kids can be in “trouble” and getting a consequence, but I will ALWAYS hug them and tell them I love them, even if I don’t like what they did and they get a consequence.

 

– How to Handle Saying Sorry: In our house, sorry is a must. But it doesn’t replace the hurt, anger, etc., the person you have wronged may be feeling. And if you’ve lied, saying sorry doesn’t automatically restore my trust in you.  That said, saying sorry is a huge step forward and so I always thank the child for saying sorry, and if it’s a situation that allows it, I explain that although they apologized, I’m still hurt, angry, etc., and it will take time for me to work through it. For me, it’s similar to what we try to teach them about please. Saying please doesn’t ensure the person will do whatever you added please to, but it’s a nice gesture and shows that you care about the person you are requesting something from.

 

– Ways to Unspoil: Commit to it. Easier said than done. But without that, parents are cooked.  Give less and do less.  Refuse to negotiate.  Stop bribing.  Give up idle threats.  Again, these are all, “so what else is new.”  But for lots of good reasons, loving parents seem unable to do them (even when they want to).  Richard’s book, rather than presenting anything parents don’t know, is meant to give a way of implementing it that cannot fail.

 

– Thoughts on Negotiating: Explain to your kids that when they negotiate on everything, you have no way to know what’s important to them and what’s not.  When your kids approach you to negotiate only on issues they feel are really important, you can be more open to considering their point, because you know they feel strongly about it.

 

– Thoughts on Bribing: Bribing is fine when your child is facing a challenging medical procedure or needs to be brought out of a dangerous situation, perhaps. But otherwise, it is a slippery endeavor that teaches children to be paid for cooperation, effort, consideration, and so on. Not a great lesson.

 

– Asking Kids to Pitch In: Here’s what I tell my twins when they complain about their ‘jobs’ around the house: “Mommy and Daddy have jobs around the house (laundry, cleaning, etc.), and these are your jobs. Are you a part of this family? Then you have jobs too.”

 

– How to Respond to, “But My Friends’ Parents Got Them…!”: You have to get reacquainted with your own judgment. Obviously, because other kids get it or because your friends buy it for their kids isn’t a good reason. (Even though it pressures us.) Think too, what more precious gifts are your children losing because they get too much. If they always get something and get it fast, they cannot learn patience and self-contentment. Many of today’s children feel truly devastated and unloved every time they do not get a demand met.

 

When we have babies, we do not envision raising indulged children. We have nobler images of raising children fit for the world. Watch Animal Planet, and you see that every animal seems to grasp that their job is to raise children who can survive in a world without them. Today’s parents have forgotten that purpose, perhaps, because we want our children to need us a lot and forever. But what is the price of that?

 

Thank you to Richard Bromfield and our awesome co-hosts:

 

Felicia Carter, Go Graham Go

Janine, Twincident

Julie Pippert, Using My Words

Kim Daboo, ClumberKim

Liz Thompson, This Full House

Sky Seery, Seeryus Mama

 

 

See the original Talk here: http://tmotherhood.wpengine.com/talk/show/id/62088

 

Author Laura Vanderkam, whose new book “168 Hours: You Have More Time Than You Think,” helps busy people find time they didn’t know they had, joined eight mom bloggers on TheMotherhood to talk about getting organized and streamlining their lives.

 

From outsourcing chores to writing lists of personal dreams, the participants enjoyed a lively discussion focused on finding the time both to be more productive and to pursue hobbies and interests.

 

Check out a summarized version of the Talk below – or read on if you have time!  A BIG thank-you to Laura and all of the wise and wonderful hosts and participants for a great conversation!

 

Fill in the Blank: “I spend way too much time on ____________!”

 

Worrying! Thinking about what hasn’t been done instead of what has! (juliepippert)

 

I spend too much time each day searching for lost/misplaced items because I’m disorganized. It sucks. It’s where I’m at though. I have to get more organized. It’s stressful to be otherwise! (Brandie)

 

Brandie, maybe you can identify one area that you is the biggest time drain for you due to disorganization and allocate some time to organizing just that one area? (ProductiveMom)

 

The computer and personal reading time. (jneuman88)

 

Laundry is never ending, unless of course you are a nudist. Well, and the rest of your family is too. I accept laundry as my nemesis. (Deborah)

 

What Do You Want to Spend More Time Doing?

 

To me, time management isn’t just about shaving 5 minutes off our errands (though we’ll get to that). It’s about filling our lives with things that *deserve* our time. So a starter question: what do we want to have more of in our lives? What do we want to spend *more* time doing? Me: date night (particularly going out to eat — mmm!) with my husband. (laura vanderkam)

 

Date night here isn’t usually at night. It’s grocery shopping together in the afternoon or an after dinner walk, out for coffee at our favorite coffee house or even wine on the patio–sans kids. Thinking that our intention was to spend time together–as partners led to thinking why *Saturday night*? Saturday nights have never worked for us. (Deborah)

 

For me I want to be able to have a little time for myself without sacrificing time with my toddler… (Joy)

 

Spending more time with friends and learning Spanish. We sent an email out in August to 30 family/friends listing all of our open Sundays through December and started Sunday Suppers, asking them to each pick a night to join us. Dinner at 5:30, out the door by 7:30 (as it is a school night) and it’s been great. (Holland)

 

Making Time for Your Dreams

 

Laura has a great part in her book about writing down your 100 dreams. For anyone who has done this, or a similar bucket/goal list, have you ever asked your spouse or family what theirs are and how do theirs align with yours? (Holland)

 

We did a Summer Dreams list as a family and it worked out really well. We checked off almost everything on the list – and filled our summer hours with things that everyone enjoyed. (NancyS)

 

My husband and I created lists years ago and (surprisingly) had a bunch of fun doing it together … time to refresh! (Emily)

 

Finding Ways to Pursue Hobbies

 

I found when I put things on my calendar they got priority. So I schedule in “exercise” and “reading” time every day. Those are my fave hobbies. (juliepippert)

 

Interestingly, I find that when I take a little time in the morning to write in a journal, I am more focused on the important things in life. And more inspired to work on them. (altdotanise)

 

I try to concentrate my energy on a few personal passions, and then put them on the to-do list right next to the work/family ones… (laura vanderkam)

 

Mine (bad habit) has been diet and exercise for THE longest time. A few weeks ago I decided to change one very small thing each week and go from there. Something as simple as drinking more water one week and adding a new vegetable one week. I found that I’m less overwhelmed when it’s in tiny increments but they start to add up. (Holland)

 

I’m trying to get my kid more involved around the house. It’s easier to just do it myself, but they need the training and eventually it’ll free me up for other jobs they can’t do. (annaed)

 

Time Management

 

I’d say the phone is a big problem. It seems like I am always getting interrupted by a phone call from someone. I don’t feel comfortable turning it off in case it’s important but I don’t always want to answer it. (Ellen Christian)

 

Then don’t. I definitely screen my calls. (Deborah)

 

I try to direct people to my email. After a while, they “get” that I am faster on my email than my phone. (ProductiveMom)

 

I am able to manage my time better when I can trade skill for skill. Someone is better at the technical side of my blog/website and I’m great at declutter and streamlining home systems. (Holland)

 

I also love making lists… keeps me focused and I love checking those to-do items off! (Joy)

 

I have a detailed schedule on our refrigerator with what time everything needs to get done. Breakfast, cleanup, get dressed, snack time, nap time, etc….It is LARGE and I find that if I tell me toddlers that “The schedule says we need to take a nap now” it is more likely to be followed than if I tell them myself. (MommyInstincts)

 

My time saver is sleeping more! I’ve just recently discovered that I really do need eight hours of sleep a night, and the days I actually manage to get that much, I am so much more productive! (Emily)

 

The Book

 

Big primary take-away is to try logging your time for a week. Most of us have no idea where our 168 hours go, or how we allocate them to different activities. Keeping a time diary is like keeping a food journal. Keeps us honest! (laura vanderkam)

 

Did someone say there was a chart to download? (annaed)

 

You can find it here annaed http://www.my168hours.com/time-management-spreadsheet.html (Brandie)

 

Mom-Recommended Apps for Organization

 

–       Remember the Milk

–       Toodledo

–       CalenGoo

–       Cozi

–       Teux Deux

 

 

The Hosts

 

The talented and time-conscious mom bloggers who co-hosted the Talk were:

 

Joy Charde, Creative Mama

Ellen Christian, Confessions of an Overworked Mom

Grace Hester, The Productive Mom

Deborah King, Apples in Wonderland

Brandie Langer, Journey of 1000 Stitches

Trisha Novotny, 24/7 Moms

Julie Pippert, Using My Words

Holland Saltsman, Life Simplified for You

 

 

See the original Talk here: http://tmotherhood.wpengine.com/talk/show/id/62079

Alison Gopnik, author of “The Philosophical Baby: What Children’s Minds Tell Us About Truth, Love and The Meaning of Life,” and professor of psychology at University of California at Berkeley, joined forces with seven mom bloggers on themotherhood.com to lead a Talk about baby brain power.

 

The conversation opened a door into minds of our children – with some surprising and interesting revelations!  Read further to learn about how babies perceive their surroundings, develop language skills and learn.

 

Alison and co-hosts, thanks for your incredible insights!

 

 

Working with Babies

 

The scientific problem was that we can’t talk to babies directly, and even with young children, when we ask what they think, we’re likely to get a beautiful story about ponies and birthdays. So we have to look at what babies do and where they look instead of what they say. (Alison Gopnik)

 

Much of what we’ve discovered are things that moms and other caregivers suspected intuitively all along. Things like the idea that your baby can recognize you, or responds to your emotions. But we couldn’t prove all that scientifically until quite recently.  For instance, we could put a baby in a cradle with speakers on either side and play mom’s voice in one speaker and another mother’s voice in the other speaker.  Then we can see whether the babies turn towards their mom’s voice – and in the first MONTH of life, they do. (Alison Gopnik)

 

 

Infant Language Development

 

This is a great chat! We have a lab at Carnegie Mellon that studies infant language and learning. My kids have been research subjects, and the lab director has given talks at the campus childcare center. http://www.psy.cmu.edu/~thiessen/home.html (Clumber Kim)

 

When we talk to babies, we all use a funny voice called “motherese,” sort of high-pitched and exaggerated. We can’t help it even if we try! It turns out that that funny voice actually makes the sounds of language easier to learn. So naturally and unconsciously, we’re helping babies to learn how their language works. (Alison Gopnik)

 

The data about signing are complicated.  Babies are very good at understanding gestures at a very early age, and they can certainly learn to sign easily, and it’s fun. There’s no very good evidence that it makes them smarter or better at spoken language later. (Alison Gopnik)

 

We did a lot of sign language with my second daughter because of a speech delay that was diagnosed as a toddler. Yet despite the speech delay (apraxia) she still had excellent language comprehension – sign language gave her an additional way to express herself when the words wouldn’t come out. (mommystory)

 

Like anything, it’s the parental involvement more than what is being done. If you use sign language, you probably talk and connect with your child more. (albertamel)

 

 

Infant Learning

 

There are some nice recent studies in our lab (you can find them on my Web site, www.alisongopnik.com) that show that babies are using the same methods as scientists. They pay attention to statistical patterns, they experiment (we call it play) and they learn from the experiments of others (we call it imitating). And they even make up wild hypotheses about how other people work (we call it pretend play). (Alison Gopnik)

 

Often when moms hear how much babies can learn, they think, “I should be more like a school teacher – crack out the flash cards, etc.”  But that’s just the opposite of what the studies show. The best learning comes through playing with someone who loves you. (Alison Gopnik)

 

Makes sense – I don’t know anyone who prefers to learn in a flash card manner. Make learning part of playing and it comes more naturally! (mommystory)

 

And we’ve also discovered things about babies that even mothers would never have suspected. Even babies, for example, have a first grasp of numbers and can do statistical analyses of what they see! (Alison Gopnik)

 

Its important to say that number learning, and all the rest of the great learning that goes on, is happening just in the course of babies’ everyday activities – counting games, playing with blocks, putting together mixing bowls. So just using number words with a young child can help them learn. (Alison Gopnik)

 

Yes, I’ve totally found this to be true! I counted everything (puffs, toys, etc) even when my little one was tiny and later she picked it up quickly! (Sarah)

 

 

Infant Perception

 

Even very young babies will look longer at unexpected events or events that don’t fit a pattern they expect to happen. That’s one of the best ways we have of finding out about them. (Alison Gopnik)

 

So by asking the babies in their language (facial expression, tone of voice, etc.), and letting them answer by what they did instead of what they said, we showed that even these little ones could take someone else’s point of view, and help them to get what they wanted. (Alison Gopnik)

 

I was amazed when we took our baby to another country and she responded to people so well – even though she didn’t speak the language. She was relying on facial expressions, tone of voice and such, and was communicating with them! (Melissa)

 

I agree with you, Melissa. My boys, when they were babies – and even now, as they are older – were always exposed to my husband’s relatives that spoke only Spanish, and they were able to have communications and relationships with them that I couldn’t. The facial communications and sounds transcend the language barriers. (Kimberly at PPM)

 

 

The Hosts

 

The incredible mamas who co-hosted the Talk were:

 

Bing Yuan, Ice Fairy’s Treasure Chest
Christina McMenemy, A Mommy Story
Joey Fortman, Real Mom in the Media
Kimberly Ortiz, Pretty Pink Momma
Liz, Goddess in Progress
Melissa Angert, girlymama
Rachel Matthews,  A Southern Fairytale
Victoria, Veep Veep

 

 

See the original Talk here: http://tmotherhood.wpengine.com/talk/show/id/62068

 

Seven mom bloggers with children in preschool gathered on TheMotherhood with Karen Quinn, author of “Testing for Kindergarten,” to discuss the challenges of having a child tested and ways to prepare for the process.

 

Karen answered questions and provided tips to help parents with pre-K kids work with them to develop their minds and skills.

 

Keep reading for an information-packed Q&A with Karen Quinn.   Thanks to Karen and all of the other hosts and participants in this enlightening conversation!!

 

 

What are some of your observations about kindergarten today?

 

These days, what used to be kindergarten is taught in pre-K. In most schools, the kindergarten curriculum is what used to be first grade!

 

Now kids are expected to start kindergarten knowing letters and numbers, writing their name, and doing things that I know I couldn’t do when I started first grade. The other sad thing about kindergarten curriculums these days is that play time is often taken away completely or reduced significantly. Children learn so many skills just through play.

 

 

What are kids tested for?

 

Some kids are tested for private school admissions, some kids for gifted program qualification, others are tested for placement in ability groups, which sounds like what happens where you are. With that, you want your child placed in the highest possible grouping for her capability, learning alongside equal or more able pupils. Kids placed in slow groups are taught at a slower pace with simpler lessons and they learn less in the school year. Their self-esteem can suffer. You want to help your child move out of the slow group if you possibly can.

 

 

How can I prepare my child for kindergarten?

 

Here are three of my favorite tips to get a child ready for kindergarten:
• To build your child’s fine motor skills, have him draw and color. If he’s still gripping his crayon with his fist at age 4, break the crayon in half. That’ll force him to hold it with a mature pencil grip. Testers always note how your child holds his pencil.
• Here’s a tip for building your child’s language skills. Talk to him all the time about everything and anything. Even when he’s a baby and can’t talk back. Children who grow up in high language households have IQ scores that are 38 points higher than kids brought up in low language homes.
• Your child will have to know shapes for any kindergarten test. Shapes matter because they are the basis of letters and numbers. An 8 is two circles. A “V” is part of a triangle. What can you do? Read shape concept-books. Work with shape puzzles. Draw shapes. Triangles are the hardest for kids to master. To help, teach him to draw 3 dots and connect them.

 

 

My child is very shy. How can he be tested if he won’t open up?

 

Some kids have a hard time “warming up” in admissions situations. If your child is in preschool now, he may be more talkative a year from now, after he has more experience interacting with teachers. If he is still very shy, let the admission directors/testers know before you go for interviews/testing. They might make accommodations to help him succeed, like allowing you to stay in the corner so he feels safe. Some schools will visit the preschool and observe him in the setting he’s most comfortable with, plus they will talk to his preschool director to learn more about him.

 

Another thing you might do is to prepare him for what is going to happen. Walk by the first school where he’ll interview a day or two before. Talk about what will happen and maybe even play-act it out. After he’s had one comfortable visit under his belt, he might “warm up” more easily.

 

 

What is your book about?

 

In the book, I talk about the 7 abilities kids need to be ready for testing and kindergarten. Here’s a link to an article on my blog about the 7 abilities.

 

The 7 abilities are: language, knowledge, memory, math, spatial reasoning, thinking and fine-motor skills.

 

If you can just get your arms around them, you’ll naturally start doing all the right things in your interactions with your child and it won’t take extra time.
There are many ways to be intelligent in this world. There’s athletic intelligence, artistic intelligence, creative intelligence. But these 7 abilities that I talk about make up what I would call school intelligence. And you cannot get through the American school system today without having these 7 abilities in place. If your child is deficient in just one, she will struggle.

 

What are some resources I can use to help my child prepare for getting tested?

 

If you’ll check out my website, http://testingforkindergarten.com, I give free daily tips for getting a child in preschool ready for kindergarten and testing. You’ll enjoy doing these and they are free!

 

If you go to this page, I’ve listed the 20 products I recommend most to prepare a preschool child for kindergarten. My book, Testing For Kindergarten, also has lots of ideas and activities.

 

Another wonderful resource to teach children reading is http://www.readingkingdom.com/ – I love that site!

 

 

The Hosts

 

The FABULOUS mom bloggers who co-hosted the Talk were:

 

Andrea, Savvy Sassy Moms
Caryn, Rockin Mama
Jodi, Multitasking Mommy
Karen, 3 Garnets & 2 Sapphires
Lydia, Still On The Verge
Stacie, The Divine Miss Mommy
Tesa, 2 Wired 2 Tired

 

And a special thanks to Doug Morse, who also contributed to the discussion and recently made a docu-drama called The Kindergarten Shuffle, about navigating the process of applying to public and private schools.  See more here: http://kindergartenshuffle.com/

 

 

See the original Talk here: http://tmotherhood.wpengine.com/talk/show/id/62043