Our Work What we Do About Us Blog Join Our Network Contact Us

The Motherhood

Making Tech Work For You with Carley from Digitwirl

by

With gadgets galore and thousands upon thousands of apps to choose from, it can be tough to know where to start when it comes to tech that makes your life easier.

 

“I tend to feel so overwhelmed by the amount of app choices that I neglect to download the ones I need!” said Holly at The Culture Mom.

 

That’s where the awesome Carley Knobloch of Digitwirl, along with a team of tech-savvy bloggers, can help. They dispensed advice and recommendations for apps of all kinds during a highly useful live chat in The Motherhood today.

 

http://youtu.be/v6P2T_kHaIM

 

By category, here are their favorites!

 

Entering the World of Apps

 

“I agree with Carley to focus first on what you actually need a specific app for. General organization? Grocery lists? Calendaring? And then go from there,” recommended Jeana Tahnk, Tech writer for Parenting, Cool Mom Tech, Mashable and others.

 

“You could really start with the basics and begin using all the native software: Calendar, Reminders … also apps like ZipList to solve the grocery list problem (i.e., not remembering to take it with you to the store!)” said Carley.

 

Sarah Kimmel at Technology for Moms provided a brief list of must-have apps for newbies:

 

Google for calendar
Toodledo for tasks
Grocery IQ for shopping
Evernote for keeping notes

 

Time Savers

 

Said Sarah at Technology for Moms, “I love using ToodleDo.com for my to do list. Recurring tasks, organized into folders, synced with every device I own.”

 

“One of the browser extensions I’m most addicted to is Read It Later. Every day I see so many articles I want to read, but don’t have time to do it right then and there,” said Betsy Cadel at Gray Matter Matters. “I press the ‘Read it Later’ button on my tool bar and read it when I have time.”

 

When it comes to managing Twitter for your blog or business, “LOVE Hootsuite! And Buffer is my new favorite for scheduling tweets!” said Carley of Digitwirl.

 

“Yelp. I use it so often to find new places to go when I meet up with friends,” suggested Betsy of Gray Matter Matters.

 

Organizers

 

“I manage our family calendar on Google and grocery shop with GroceryIQ,” said Grace Duffy of Splash Creative Media and Formerly Gracie.

 

“I’m a big fan of Cozi for calendaring since I can access it via the web, iPhone, Droid, Blackberry, etc. and it works with Outlook and Gmail,” said TechSavvyMama. “So easy to have everything in one place and updating in real time!”

 

“A few great apps for organization are Intuition, Paperless, Evernote,” suggested Jeana. “TeuxDeux is a very simple app (and website) for making lists as well.”

 

“I LOVE Notability,” added MJ Tam. “I write notes with my iPad pen and it records sounds too. It converts my notes in PDFs or however I want to convert it so I can share.”

 

Babysitters

 

“In terms of finding great sitters, I’ve heard SitterCity is great,” said Betsy at Gray Matter Matters.

 

“Have you seen SitterScout? It texts all of your sitters at once and helps organize who is coming, when. Brilliant!” replied Grace of Formerly Gracie.

 

Finders

 

“I love AroundMe for the quick ‘where’s the nearest pharmacy’ type questions,” said Carley of Digitwirl.

 

Recorders

 

“Another app I use a lot is Dragon Dictation (free),” said Jeana. “It’s like having a personal stenographer with you at all times!”

 

“If you use Evernote‘s voice record, you can have it transcribe your voice notes as well,” added Carley of Digitwirl.

 

For real paper “recording” needs, “I LOVE our HP Photosmart Premium printer – we can print before we even get home and then it’s waiting there for us – gotta love wireless printing!” said Sarah Burns, mompreneur and writer at The Ohana Mama.

 

Money Managers

 

For overall budgeting and tracking, “Mint.com all the way!” said Grace of Formerly Gracie. “Pulls in all of my accounts, sets up budgets based on expenses, and reminds you when bills are due.”

 

“Expensify is great when dealing with bills/receipts and working with a couple of people together,” said MJ Tam.

 

“Manilla is great for keeping all bills in one place,” added Jeana.

 

“NeatReceipts and the Neat scanning software is also great for when you’re scanning receipts for an expense report — or just for personal stuff. And TONS of other uses too,” said Carley of Digitwirl.  “Also loving Lemon — a receipt tracker.”

 

Unclutterers

 

“Some of you have asked about going paperless: We’ve done some research at Digitwirl and here are a few simple tips,” said Carley:

 

 

She added, “I also love the Doxie scanner — you don’t even need a computer to scan while you’re on the go… and the new Doxie is WIRELESS… you don’t even have to connect it EVER!”

 

There is MUCH MORE in the conversation – be sure to read the whole thing! And visit Carley and our other tech savvy friends on their sites:

 

Carley Knobloch, Digitwirl,@digitwirl @carleyknobloch

Betsy Cadel, Gray Matter Matters, @graymatterbc

Sarah Kimmel, Technology for Moms, @tech4moms

Sarah Burns, The Ohana Mama, @theohanamama

Jeana Tahnk, tech writer, @jeanatahnk

Grace Duffy, Formerly Gracie, @graceduffy

 

On the Road of Life, Open Your Heart to Happy Accidents

by

When you think about it, life is pretty crazy. There are so many twists and turns in our path – many of them things we never would have predicted in a million years! But it occurred to me last night that there is another beautiful thing about life. And that is, it seems to me, that even in the worst of times, somehow the right people to see you through it are put in your path. And that, my friends, is exactly how I feel about Emily and Cooper. They were put in my life at just the right time.

 

At the time, I was a stay-at-home mom to three kids. I’ll admit it, I was lonely. The economy was starting to tank, so we worried about that. But to keep my sanity, I crafted. And then I blogged about my crafts, because well, it beat talking to myself about them!  And there is only so much knitting talk my husband and children can take.

 

Through my blog, I discovered The Motherhood. It was love at first sight. I felt like I had found the perfect spot on the Internet for someone like me. And so I linked. I commented. My husband might say I became addicted. I was very happy.

 

Then, one day, I got an email from Cooper saying she wanted to talk. To me. I won’t lie. I totally geeked out. You would have thought, to hear me talk, the president himself had called and asked for a few moments of my time! Cooper and Emily invited me to help them out on the site. I still remember Cooper telling me to take some time to think about it, and in my head I was thinking, Um, yeah. No. I don’t need time. Of course I want to help! I consider that one of the smarter decisions in my life!

 

Since then, as The Motherhood has grown, so have my friendships with so many amazing people. The Motherhood is full of such amazing women I am honored to call friends. These friends have seen me, and continue to support me, through my worst days. Truly. Last spring, when I had to share with  Emily and Cooper that I had been diagnosed with breast cancer, they were there for me. And when I shared on the site my news, I felt like my Motherhood friends wrapped their arms around me and comforted me. I have been given love and strength from them. I have been showered with kindness. I have a place I can go and be completely myself and am accepted with wide open arms.

 

I can’t imagine life without The Motherhood in it. I am so thankful that Emily and Cooper not only shared a dream, but that they went out and worked hard to see it come true. That these two amazing women created a place where moms (and dads!) can come together – from celebrating life’s wonderful moments to getting support in darker moments, and of course all the myriad moments in between. I am not exaggerating when I say my life is richer, my heart is bigger, my soul is gentler and my world is bigger. All because Emily and Cooper had an incredible vision and made it come true.

Amy McCready on Parenting Without Nagging, Reminding or Yelling

by

You’ve yelled and reminded and nagged … and your child’s room still isn’t clean.  And her homework still isn’t done.  What’s a parent to do?

 

Amy McCready, author of “If I Have to Tell You One More Time … The Revolutionary Program That Gets Your Kids to Listen Without Nagging Reminding or Yelling,” gave us numerous positive parenting solutions for common family situations during a Talk in The Motherhood today.

 

“MY VISION FOR YOU … that you can’t even remember the last time you raised your voice,” said Amy McCready. “Not saying that we’ll never yell. We ARE human! But, I want you to have to think long and hard about the last time you raised your voice.”

 

Here are the top parenting challenge areas that surfaced during the Talk, and the best advice for handling them:

 

1. How Can I Get Started?

 

“Being a parent can be hard and discipline can take a lot of practice and thought. Giving yourself time to learn and figure out the parent you want to be is the best thing you can do now [with babies and very young kids],” said Polly Schlafhauser, founder and president of Families With Purpose.

 

2. How Can I Discipline without Time Outs?

 

Amy McCready recently hosted a webinar on Why Times Outs Are a Waste of Time.

 

For a different take, “When my son was little, we did ‘hug-it-out Time Outs,'” said Katie Bugbee, managing editor of Care.com. “We held him tight and counted to 30 every time he did something bad (hitting, being out of control). In most cases, he just needed to calm his body – and we needed to help him do that.”

 

3. How Can I Get My Kids to Do Chores without Nagging?

 

“One thing I did was to share the ownership of the chores rather than be the keeper of the list,” said Polly Schlafhauser. “I now use a big dry erase board hanging in a very central spot where EVERYONE can see it.”

 

“WHEN-THEN routines work SO well,” added Amy McCready. “WHEN the yucky stuff is done – THEN you can do the more fun parts of your daily routine. Don’t forget to place a deadline on the when-then routine when it is appropriate.”

 

4. How Can I Eliminate Whining?

 

“Remember that kids continue doing what WORKS! If the behavior (whining) gets your attention – they’ll keep doing it!” Amy pointed out. “The best strategy is to IGNORE WHINING. Practice using a calm voice – but in the moment when she’s whining – IGNORE!!!”

 

5. How Can I Convince Them to Stop Telling Tall Tales?

 

“Depends on why he’s lying,” said Amy McCready. “If it’s to get out of trouble – be sure that your discipline methods are focused on ‘learning’ rather than blame, shame and pain. Sometimes they tell tall-tales. You can say… ‘Hmmm, that sounds interesting. Can you tell me more about what really happened?'”

 

6. How Can I Enforce Getting Homework Done?

 

“We require them to set goals for the grades they thought were appropriate in each subject if they gave 110%. After they set their goals, we promised to not nag them or follow up with them as long as they met their goals or came to us and told us they were having trouble,” said Polly Schlafhauser. “As long as they met their goals, they get to keep their cell phones. If they don’t meet their goals then they lose their phones.”

 

7. How Can I Make Them Stop Misbehaving?

 

“I usually get in their face and make them separate themselves,” said Kelly Lester, singer, actress and CEO of Easy Lunchboxes. “They hate that, so they usually stop the indoor wildness if it means they can’t play together anymore.”


Jodi Hitchcock suggested, “Make a point of having active time every day at the same time. About a half hour before lunch either bundle up and play outside or go for a walk. If the weather is not appropriate then turn on some music and have a crazy dance party in doors. Whatever it is, let them get all those wiggles out!!”

 

“Believe it or not – it has nothing to do with a consequence!!” replied Amy McCready. “It is spending 1-on-1 time with your kids on a daily basis filling their attention baskets. We call it Mind, Body & Soul Time. Honestly – do this daily and you’ll see misbehavior start to fall off the radar screen!”

 

8. How Can I Defuse a Tantrum?

 

“‘Forcing’ kids to go [to their rooms] can be counter productive – it’s better to remove YOURSELF from the room – disengage while he’s throwing a tantrum,” said Amy McCready.

 

Amy also shared a link with free articles and resources on specific strategies for dealing with tantrums.

 

9. How Can I Get Them to Clean Their Rooms?

 

Amy McCready suggested two strategies: “1) Use a when-then routine. WHEN your room is clean – then we’ll leave for soccer. 2) Our rule is that rooms have to be cleaned up by 5 PM. Anything that’s left lying on the floor, etc. – will go into a box and be unavailable for the next week.”

 

Added Kelly Lester, “I just told my 14 year old that she’s going nowhere unless I see a non-asked for general cleanliness improvement on a daily basis. NOT just when she wants to go somewhere!”

 

10. How Can I Encourage Them to Take Responsibility?

 

“My husband created a chart to remind our boys of some simple household rules,” said staciebuesing. “If you turn it on turn it off….If you mess it up clean it up….If you open it close it….”

 

“Love it – visual reminders are so helpful so you don’t have to NAG!!!!” replied Amy McCready.

 

11. Why Don’t My Kids Respond to Discipline the Same Way?

 

“I feel like parenting is like playing a video game. Once you feel like you’ve mastered one level (kid) along comes another with totally new challenges that you have to decipher!” said Becki.

 

“Remember there aren’t ‘blanket consequences’ [for misbehavior],” said Amy McCready. “You pick the tool that will be most helpful for that behavior.”

 

12. The Most Important Takeaway

 

“UNIVERSAL TRUTH…kids have a HARD-WIRED NEED for emotional connection and POSITIVE attention,” said Amy McCready. “If we don’t fill their attention basket DAILY with individual time and attention – they’ll get our attention but in NEGATIVE WAYS – whining, tantrums, power struggles, etc.”

 

“Over the holidays, my husband and I had ‘dates’ with our son. It was so much fun for everyone.. but we had to hire a sitter to get the time alone with just him,” said Katie Bugbee. “Right now, our 1:1 time comes at bedtime.. when one of us snuggles with one of them.”

 

Thanks everyone!

 

Amy McCready, author, “If I Have to Tell You One More Time…” and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions

 

Polly Schlafhauser, founder and president, Families With Purpose

 

Jen Singer, Momma Said

 

Katie Bugbee, managing editor, Care.com

 

Jennifer Zaranis, senior manager for national marketing, The Mommies Network

 

Kelly Lester, singer, actress, CEO of Easy Lunchboxes

 

Be sure to check out the full Talk transcript here.

Making Postpartum Progress

by

One of the really beautiful things about The Motherhood is seeing moms come together and support each other around issues that can be so isolating.

 

Postpartum depression, anxiety, psychosis and OCD fall into that basket. Katherine Stone of Postpartum Progress,  along with Kimberly of All Work And No Play Makes Mommy Go Something Something, Jaime of James and Jax, and Beth Anne of The Heir to Blair talked with us today and made it clear: if you’re struggling with postpartum mood disorders, you’re not crazy. And you’re most definitely not alone.

 

Below are some highlights from today’s talk.

 

If you have PPD (or think you do)…

 

–  Don’t suffer in silence.

 

–  Remember that this is not your fault. It is an illness, not a weakness and it doesn’t discriminate.

 

–  Understand that the “baby blues” are related to hormones and usually resolve within two weeks after birth. PPD is different: it’s a serious (and treatable) mental illness.

 

–  Know that different meds and treatments work differently for everyone. If something’s not working for you, speak up. It’s the only way you can get the help you need.

 

–  Realize that bipolar disorder is sometimes misdiagnosed as PPD (something to consider if symptoms don’t resolve despite extended treatment).

 

–  Don’t assume that taking meds to help with PPD precludes breastfeeding. You may be able to do both—talk to your doctor.

 

– Make time for yourself. It’s not frivolous and it’s not selfish.

 

– Listen to yourself and advocate for yourself. If people are telling you what you’re going through is normal, but you don’t feel it is, trust your gut.

 

–  Struggling with either depression or sleep deprivation is a huge stress. Struggling with them together, maybe with a colicky baby on top of it all, is something no one should go through alone.

 

– Support groups, both in-person and online, can be a tremendous help (See the resources listed toward the end of this post).

 

– Know that having PPD following one pregnancy doesn’t necessarily mean you will have it in future pregnancies. And even if you do, you can put a plan in place to make things better.

 

– You may feel like you should be “over it by now,” but pain is pain, and you recover when you recover.

 

– It’s common to experience setbacks, where you think you’re better but then go back to a period of feeling bad again.

 

If you love someone with PPD:

 

Dos and Don’ts: Kimberly says, “Do call. Always. Make sure that the mom knows that (someone is) available to listen. PPD is very isolating.” At the same time, story3girl cautioned, “Don’t offer too much advice unless they ask for it. Support and presence are more helpful.”

 

Several moms mentioned the need for some “alone time:” Imperfectmomma noted, “I ask for babysitters constantly. But most of the time? I just leave my kids with my husband and take a nice long time out.  Time out is necessary for me.”  Katherine Stone affirmed that for her, “time alone and a breather was very important… Just having some space to not be freaked out over how well I was taking care of the baby or if the baby was crying. Someone to watch my baby if I went to therapy.”

 

But not everyone craves time by herself. Jodi.k.hitchcock said, “For me, being alone was the worst thing. Then I was alone with my thoughts which would quickly spin out of control. What worked best was having someone come over and bring dinner (so I did not have to worry about cooking!) then I would take a nap with them there to take care of the baby. I was not left alone but I was able to get a break.”

 

The bottom line: every mom’s needs are different. Ask what your friend needs, and listen to the answer. It may not be the same thing you would want in her shoes.

 

…And how NOT to help:

 

Even those who love us can say unhelpful things. Motherhood on the Rocks had someone close to her say, in light of MOTR’s postpartum OCD, “And now you want to have another one?” Another common theme, voiced by becca_lizabeth, is people telling her how smart and lucky she is, as if recognizing those things would somehow erase PPD.  Other moms, like Katherine, have been told that they just need to “have more faith.”

 

It seems like many people haven’t gotten the memo that serving up a steaming helping of guilt doesn’t erase postpartum depression, anxiety, or OCD. When listening to hurtful comments, it may help to remember, as Brandie and Katherine noted, that the statement might have been the loved one’s well-intended (if poorly worded) expression of her own fear and concern.

 

Lexi asked “Does anyone deal with spouse or significant other still seeing you as you were before you got better, and have trouble separating who you are from how you acted when you were not well?” Her experience was not an isolated one. Amber Koter echoed, “…It’s easy for my husband to blame PPD when we argue, even though that is not at all the case and hasn’t been for about 3 yrs.” Katherine suggested that it can be helpful to bring a partner along to a therapy session to hear a doctor or counselor confirm that you’re okay.

 

Preparing to have another baby:

 

Katherine says, “You can’t ensure 100% (that you won’t have issues in a future pregnancy). But you can do many things to minimize. I had my psychiatric team watching over me during my pregnancy and afterward. I had my husband and mom watching me and helping out with a lot of stuff so I could get more rest. There were more people ready to offer all sorts of support. Jaime of JamesandJax recommended the book “What Am I Thinking? Having a Baby After Postpartum Depression,” by Katherine Kleiman. Veggiebeth acknowledged that she knows women are “more predisposed to get PPD again if (they) have had it once. However, I now know what can happen and can seek help immediately without shame.”

 

Resources:

 

Whether you’re suffering from PPD/PPA/PPOCD or care about someone who is, check out Katherine Stone’s wonderful blog, Postpartum Progress. Don’t miss the post “20 Things I NEVER Want to Hear or Read Again, Postpartum Depression Edition.”)

 

Also from Katherine, Child Care Services for Moms With Postpartum Depression And Few Resources.

 

To find PPD support groups in your area, click here. If no group is available near you, Kimberly urged mom not to underestimate the value of online groups, offering that there is one on twitter every Monday (Search #PPDChat).

 

If you’re thinking about trying to conceive again, What Am I Thinking? Having a Baby After Postpartum Depression (and other books by Karen Kleiman, MSW, LCSW).

 

Kimberly eloquently spoke for so many of us when she said this: “I just want to let you all know that you are all strong and beautiful and so worth the fight. Know that you are never alone in this battle. There is always someone here to help shoulder this weight with you.  Keep fighting Mommas.”

 

You can read the entire Talk transcript here.

Things Happen When You Get Out Of The House

by

 

I once heard a wise saying: Things happen when you get out of the house. It’s simple, but it’s true: You’re a lot more likely to meet your neighbor if you’re in your front yard instead of your kitchen. You won’t meet the love of your life if you hunker down on your couch to watch reruns, but you might if you go to that party you were invited to. If you don’t go downtown, you won’t see the “Help Wanted” sign that leads you to your dream job. If you put yourself out there, you never know what might happen.

 

In 2005, I had two little kids, and I wasn’t getting out of the house (alone) nearly as much as I wanted to. I loved my kids, but I craved the company of like-minded moms. I had recently seen a link to a blog in one of my favorite magazines. I followed the link. I loved the blog. I started one of my own. As I wrote, I began to read. I played “blogscotch,” finding a blog I liked and then visiting blogs in that blog’s blogroll, and so on and so on. One day I saw a link to a blog called “Been There.” It was even better than I’d hoped—not one, but two women: smart, funny, sympathetic. They really had been where I was; they got it. Then came my “getting out of the house” moment. Instead of just reading, I left a comment.

 

Through that comment, one of the women, Cooper, found and commented on my blog. That reaching back was the start of an online friendship between me and Cooper and her co-blogger, Emily, too. They were the kind of mom, the kind of friend, that I wanted to be. And they made it feel like it was possible.

 

When Hurricane Katrina hit, I sent a check to the Red Cross. I sat in my house, wringing my hands, wishing there were more I could do. Cooper and Emily DID something. They started the “Been There Clearinghouse.” If someone who fled New Orleans needed a crib, or clothes, or anything, Cooper and Emily found a way to connect them with people who had those things to give away. If someone had something to offer, Cooper and Emily connected them with someone who needed it. Here I was just trying to get out of the house, for Pete’s sake; they were helping people who no longer had houses to get out of.

 

One day I got an e-mail from Emily: would I be willing to give her my phone number and actually talk on the phone? Of course, I said, despite my husband’s mutterings about Internet safety and his suspicions that “Cooper and Emily” was really an ex-con in a stained undershirt who lured unsuspecting suburban moms to his paneled basement lair. I gave my number, and soon I was hearing the real voices of these women I already loved and admired (or the surprisingly convincing voices of two women the ex-con had imprisoned in his basement as part of his diabolical plan).

 

It was really them, though—and they had a very non-diabolical plan of their own: a website for moms, a place to gather, share ideas, learn, talk, laugh, support each other, maybe even change the world. A virtual neighborhood—a Motherhood. It barely seemed possible to me; I mean, I was having a hard enough time getting the laundry done. Run a website? One that would really matter? Well, if anyone could do it, my money would have been on Emily and Cooper. I listened to them, laughing with delight and anticipation as they talked about their plans. Did I want in, to participate in some way? Of course I did. Who wouldn’t?

 

The Motherhood has been a lot of different things to me, just as “real life” friendships are. I have to put that phrase in quotes, because the friendships I’ve developed with Cooper and Emily and other women through the Motherhood are no less real or substantive than the friendship I have with my neighbor across the street.

 

Whether I was feeling grateful, fearful or hopeful, the Motherhood gave me a place to share. If I was in a valley and cried out, other voices, kinder ones, echoed back at me. When I decided I wanted to donate diapers to a local clinic for homeless women and their children, the Motherhood encouraged me (and Cooper and Emily were the first to send diapers—big boxes of them!). After almost seven years of being a stay-at-home mom, I decided to start my own family law practice. On the days I doubted I could do it, guess where some of my best encouragement came from? I had a Motherhood behind me, believing in me. So I believed in myself. The practice flourished, so much so that I was too exhausted at night to get online much. When I did make it to The Motherhood, the welcome was always warm. And when I had to close my practice so my husband could take a new job out of state, The Motherhood provided a place to voice my excitement at a new adventure, and the grief of leaving home.

 

Who would have thought all of that could spring from one little comment on a blog? I stepped outside of my “house,” my comfort zone, that day, and talked to a “stranger,” and things did indeed happen: I found new friends and a place that still feels like home.

 

Parental Controls Bootcamp with DadLabs’ Clay Nichols

by

Technology has become a huge part of daily life, and our kids are immersed in it, too.  As parents in the Age of the Internet, we’re facing a new dilemma – how to regulate, and how MUCH to regulate, our children’s online lives?

 

As BetsyinPortland said, “It’s a whole new frontier.”

 

Luckily, DadLabs creator Clay Nichols was in The Motherhood today to put us through our paces during an incredibly informative live chat.  He and his expert co-hosts shared advice on e-proofing gadgets and setting limits to protect our kids.  Here are their top 10 rules.

 

Rule #1: Start Early

 

“By the time kids are teens, a lot of the work has already been done,” Clay Nichols pointed out. “Having conversations and modeling healthy behavior around food, sexuality, relationships, tech – in so many areas – needs to start early.”

 

Rule #2: Set Reasonable Limits

 

“The Famigo team has found that screentime for kids has changed quite a bit. It’s not just passive entertainment anymore,” said Q Beck, founder of Famigo. “There’s a ton of educational value and a lot of opportunities for families to play and learn together. There’s definitely a balance though, kids should still get outside and play!”

 

Clay Nichols said, “I don’t use specific time limits – more like a gut feeling when kids are getting overcooked. I do appreciate that some platforms, like the XBOX 360, allow parents to set daily time allowances for kids. Very cool parental control.”

 

Rule #3: Explain the Limits to Your Kids

 

Carrie Contey added, “I think being wide open to hearing all of the children’s opinions and concerns and desires is the best way to go. And then offering your limits with love and kindness.”

 

“Talking about limits and boundaries is the ultimate goal here – and one that reaches way beyond tech. This is a values conversation,” replied Clay Nichols.

 

Rule #4: Lead by Example

 

“I am a big advocate of having ‘Family Guidelines’ that everyone abides by,” said Carrie Contey. “No screens between 5-7 pm or a screen fast on Sundays. It’s up to the family, but I do believe it needs to apply to everyone.”

 

Q Beck suggested another method for leading by example.  “Some of the adults I hang out with have been playing a new game at the dinner table where we stack up all of our phones when we’re out at a restaurant for the duration of the meal. The first person to grab their device during the meal has to foot the bill for dinner,” he said. “I think families can do something similar with different stakes, like whoever grabs their iPod or phone has to do the dishes.”

 

Rule #5: Help Kids Understand the Implications of Internet Use

 

“It’s amazing how even ADULTS don’t apply an ‘in person’ filter to what they post online,” remarked CretinNik.  (If you won’t say it to someone’s face, don’t put it online.)

 

When it comes to allowing kids to post content, “I think you need to have really good in-person social skills before taking the social media toys for a ride,” agreed Deborah.

 

“My 12-year-old made a video with her friend where they acted, well, like idiots (that’s what they called it), and she wanted to put it on YouTube,” said Brandie. “So I asked her, when she goes to apply for college, or gets into high school, or whatever, does she want someone to search her and see that video? Well, no she didn’t want that. So she changed her mind and stopped asking!”

 

Rule #6: Be the Keeper of the (Online Access) Keys

 

“Own the Wireless,” Clay Nichols advised. “Put a passcode on the wireless network in your home and don’t tell the kids the password! Enter it for them if they need it. Assert that the wireless belongs to the parents and access is a privilege.”

 

And when it comes to monitoring Facebook and Twitter activity, along with other sites,”Controlling email accounts and access to the web is key,” he added.

 

“We also have iTunes password protected. My kids can’t download an app or a song without us putting in a code,” said Brandie.

 

Rule #7: When in Doubt, Supervise

 

For content-sharing sites like YouTube, because it “is so open and the content is so varied, we recommend it as a joint parent/kid activity, rather than trying to trust the safety mode and let your kids on it unsupervised,” said Q Beck.

 

“Since YouTube is not curated, you are going to get surprises, even if benign,” and even if supervised, Troy Lanier pointed out. “We prefer Ted Talks. They are short, interesting, and parents can watch too. There are other sites like Kideo and Zui, but we are more of a Ted Talks family.”


Clay Nichols added, “My rule is simple and physical. YouTube is rated R. Adult supervision for kids under 17. I restrict YouTube (off) on all mobile devices and tablets.”

 

Rule #8: Keep an Eye on All Tech Activity

 

“Our kids are NOT allowed to password protect their things,” said Brandie. “They can’t lock their computer or phone or iThing, because the rule is dad and I can pick it up at ANY time and look at it. That means we can see their texts, their e-mails, etc.”

 

Rule #9: Control Volume

 

From Clay Nichols, instructions for setting a volume limiter to protect kids’ eardrums (on iPod Nano, iPod Touch, iPad and iPhone): Home Screen >> Settings >> Music >> Volume Limit >> *move slide from right to left about 20-25%* >> set passcode >> confirm passcode

 

Added Q Beck, “Another option is avoiding all earphones/buds and using the built-in speakers on the devices. Of course then you are exposed to the sounds of the games, which might be annoying, but is also another way of getting involved, being aware of what is being played and prevents damage to hearing.”

 

Rule #10: Enjoy Gadgets Together!

 

“Famigo has seen a spike in tablet usage in families, especially since December. We’re seeing that they are largely shared devices that everybody in the family uses,” said Q Beck. “Making the differentiation between a tablet everyone shares and personal tablets is a good way to monitor content, curb spending and limit screen time. The physical action of sharing also creates more interaction between the whole family.”

 

“One of my kids and I read the same book from the iPad and leave notes, questions, comments for each other. I cherish being able to do that,” agreed Cooper.

 

“We recently bought our 10 year old a Nook Simple Touch. I like that it has only very limited SM capability like posting to FB and Twitter (which can be turned off),” said Clay Nichols.  “She is thrilled and reads on it every night. And I read with her. On my Kindle.”

http://youtu.be/MbhNO6z1vHg

Thanks for a great chat, everyone! Check out the full transcript here. And, you can find our host and co-hosts here:

 

Clay Nichols, Creator of DadLabs

Troy Lanier, Director of Product Development, Kirkus Reviews

Carrie Contey, PhD, parenting expert

Q Beck, Founder of Famigo