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Putting Your Blog in the Media Spotlight

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This is a guest blog post by Linsey Knerl of Lille Punkin’, who hosted a live chat in The Motherhood on this topic. She was joined by panelists Alissa of Fun Finds for Families, Joey of Real Mom Media, Lynnae of Freelance Homeschool Mom and Sarah of Sarah’s Cucina Bella.

 

Last Wednesday, some of the Internet’s savviest moms and marketers came together to discuss one of the questions that seems to be on every blogger’s mind these days: “How can I get the world to know about my blog?”  Specifically, we wanted to dig into sharing our blogs with the mainstream media.

 

Several moms were in attendance, and each one had something unique to offer the conversation.  Here are some of the highlights of our 30-minute chat, along with an action plan for taking your media presence to the next level.

 

Small Blogs Can Get BIG Exposure!

 

One of the most delightful lessons we learned is that blogs are really making an impact on big media.  Some of the bloggers in attendance had been featured in some very prominent periodicals, including TIME, Redbook, and All You!  Just learning that it’s possible to have the editors at these publications interested in what you do was a major inspiration to us all.

 

Professionalism Counts

 

Being polite, staying punctual, and offering a helping hand are all important qualities to bring to your blog and business.  Guess what?  Reporters respond well to these qualities, too.  By keeping your word on communications to reporters and giving them lots of direct quotes to work with, you can improve your chances of being used as a source in future articles and televisions spots.

 

Get Connected

 

You could go out and pitch every news site and magazine that may be looking for a story like yours, but it’s like casting a very large net for a tiny, tiny catch.  You are better off subscribing to free services like HelpAReporter.com or ProfNet to get alerts whenever a journalist is needing an expert to interview.  The success stories for those who have used these to score amazing press mentions are numerous, and it’s much more realistic for small blogs with limited PR budgets.

 

With the web being instrumental in so many “rags to riches” stories, is it any surprise that it’s one of the #1 tools bloggers have in sharing their stories with those who give news to the world?  To get started getting your share of free press mentions, follow these few simple tips:

 

1) If you don’t already have an easy way for reporters to reach you (either with a contact form or an easy-to-find email address on your blog), you may be missing out on the chance to see your name in the next issue of your favorite mag.

 

2) Get connected with reporters and news outlets on Facebook and Twitter.  Keep an eye out for “open calls” for story submissions, and be prepared to pitch!

 

3) Sign up for HelpAReporter’s free subscription service, and check it regularly for stories that match your expertise.  Have a pitch template on hand that you can change up to match the needs of each request.

 

Good luck with your pitches.  We hope to see your name in the news soon!

Midlife Mothering

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My mom had me when she was 40, when she already had a nine-year-old daughter and eighteen-year-old son. I was, as you can imagine, not planned.

 

Of course, it was the 1960s then, and having babies at 40 wasn’t the “done” thing. My mom liked (once she got over the rage) to tell the story of the time she took infant me shopping in my stroller and a store clerk complimented her on her “beautiful grandson.”

 

It’s more socially acceptable now to have kids later – in your mid-thirties and beyond. But “acceptable” doesn’t necessarily mean “easy.” Cyma Shapiro of Mothering in the Middle joined us today in The Motherhood to talk about the good and bad of midlife mothering. She was joined by panelists Leigh of Hines-Sight Blog, Theresa of Faith and Family Reviews, and Laurie of Guessing All the Way.

 

There are many reasons women come to midlife motherhood. Some don’t have (or realize they have) the desire to become parents when they’re younger. Laurie said, ” I never knew I wanted children until I was 30. That is when my nephew was born and I fell in love!” Some have children younger, in a first marriage, and then have more kids later, in a subsequent marriage. Some are “bonus mothers” to stepchildren years before adopting or giving birth themselves. Some struggle with infertility before giving birth or adopting. And some begin having children in their twenties and just keep going through their thirties! However you come to mothering in midlife, there are challenges and gifts inherent in this role.

 

One of the challenges Cyma pointed out was a constant awareness of her own mortality: “I measure EVERYTHING against my kid’s milestones – how old will I be when they: graduate; go to college; get married; have kids, etc. etc. I wish I had the luxury of just living my life without that constant comparison.” Theresa agreed, and said, “Since our oldest daughter has agreed she’d be guardian for our younger children should anything happen to my husband and I, I find myself wanting to have things in order financially etc. since we are getting older.”

 

Another difficulty with midlife mothering can be finding support from other women walking the same road. Laurie observed, “I guess I don’t have a lot of support. Most of the people I know had children when they were younger. My son started kindergarten this year and I think I am the oldest mom in his class.” This feeling, that all the other moms are younger, was echoed by a number of the moms who commented.  And as Leigh pointed out, becoming a parent when you’re a little older means that your parents will be older, too, and often less able to help out.

 

Cyma also notes that “by the time I felt ready (for motherhood),” nature wouldn’t allow me to do this naturally.”The reality of biology is that once we make up our minds to become mothers, our bodies often don’t, or can’t, cooperate.”

 

And, of course, there are the kids themselves: blessings, for sure, but, as Leigh points out, “My kids demand “more attention” and that can be tiring. Some mornings, I just want to be left alone, be on the computer, and not be bugged.”

 

Those are some of the hard things about midlife mothering. But there are so many good things, too.

 

Leigh likes how her kids “keep her young.” She also said that being older affords her the ability to provide more for her kids. Some moms (like, I admit, myself) lacked the patience and maturity in their 20s to be the moms they want to be.  Laurie affirmed, “You know yourself best. If you are waiting, there is a reason. For me, I wasn’t mature enough, unselfish enough to think about being a mom in my 20’s…You will know when you are ready. The good thing is that your kids will be so glad you did, because you will be better with them as well.”

 

All agreed that it’s something of a trade-off: sure, younger moms may have more energy. But most women who become mothers later come to motherhood with a sense of intention–it’s truly chosen, not something just fallen into. They’ve had the chance to pursue their own interests, develop relationships with their partners outside of being someone’s parents. Moms in midlife have acquired wisdom, experience, and patience. They may be more financially stable. They have more to offer their children, and not just in the sense of material goods.

 

What advice would our panelists give to a woman who’s thinking about putting off motherhood until well into her thirties? Be aware that your body may not do your bidding, for one thing. As Laurie said, “Sometimes it takes longer than you think to get pregnant…Leave room in your waiting for things that you may not be expecting.” And savor the time with your partner or husband pre-kids; as Leigh says of being a mom, ” It’s the best thing in the world, and there is nothing like it, but you do have to be ready because it is an EYE-OPENING change in lifestyle.”

 

It’s so true. My dad told me years after my mom passed away that she had really struggled with the idea of being pregnant at 40. But he also told me, as she herself did when she was alive, that having me when she did kept her young, and she never had a regret once she held me in her arms. As for me, I never remember wishing that I had a younger mom. The one I had, with all she knew, and all she had done, and all she had to teach me, was just perfect in my eyes.

 

Collecting Family Memories in the Digital Age

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Our kids are probably the best-documented generation in the history of the world. Not because they’re spoiled or because we’re helicopter parents, but just…because we can.

 

One short generation ago, when we were kids, taking pictures involved a little forethought and patience. Pictures were for “occasions.” Our parents had to buy film and flashbulbs (remember those?) and carry around a camera that was a little on the bulky side. And when the last photo on the roll was snapped, that was it. Three days after you took them in, your pictures came back from the Fotomat. Your editing choices? Like it or lump it.

 

Left: Photo by Brandie Langer, Journey of 1000 Stitches. Right: Scrapbook page by Amy Mallory, Snap & Scrap.


Now, when taking a picture is as easy as whipping out a tiny digital camera or your phone, capturing family memories isn’t just for birthday parties and vacations. It’s all about documenting the wonderful, fleeting moments of everyday life, the ones that are so easily buried under, well, the rest of everyday life.

 

We talked today with Michele of Scraps of My Geek Life, along with Katie Pertiet of Designer Digitals, Stephanie of Bizzie Living, and Amy of Snap & Scrap. They shared their thoughts on capturing and preserving family memories in the digital age.

 

 

A Year In the Life

 

I’d heard of Project 365, but really didn’t know what it was about, or what was required to participate. It’s simply a project where you take a photograph every day for a year. It started as a way for photographers to hone their skills, but as Michele observed, it’s become much more. She says, “I see it as a way to capture my family’s daily lives…the mundane. The things you never think you are going to care about, but 10 years later are awesome. Like all the shoes in my back hall that drive me crazy….” Michele offers a link to this tutorial to help us get started. Although many people start their project on the first day of the year, starting on any day is just fine; Stephanie suggests that starting on a birthday can be fun.

 

Several of us expressed some regret at not having taken more pictures of our older kids while they were growing up. Project 365 provides motivation to snap photos on days that don’t necessarily cry out to be documented, and that can pay dividends later, as Amy notes: “My kids seem to be drawn to the everyday photos when looking through their albums.” Looking for inspiration? Michele recommends Googling “Project 365 shots” and checking out Photojojo, where she first discovered the project. View a sample of what Michele does with her photos here.

 

Okay, I’ve Taken My Pictures – Now What?

 

Taking pictures with film and having someone else develop them took a lot of the pressure off. On the one hand, if they came out badly, you couldn’t do anything about it. On the other hand, if they came out badly, you didn’t have to do anything about it. If you were feeling fancy, you put your pics in a self-stick album; if not, into a shoebox.

 

Now of course, there are all kinds of options for photo editing and getting creative with how you display your photographs. Several people confessed to being stymied by Photoshop. Michele concedes that Photoshop can be challenging to master and suggests, “Photoshop is much more complicated, but Photoshop Elements takes the features most of us would use often for our personal photos and makes it easy to do them. There is a 30 day free trial. It’s much easier.” PicMonkey is a free photo-editing site that Deborah called “super easy,” and which offers upgrades for a fee.  Lightroom is a good option if you have large numbers of photos (Michele has over 75,000!).

 

Speaking of which…one of the joys of digital photography is that you can take all the photos you want. But then where do you store them?

 

 

Left: Photo by Stephanie Elie, Bizzie Living. Right: Photo by Katie Pertiet, Designer Digitals.

 

Katie says, “I have crashed iPhoto…and now that file is 400gig and I can’t get it backed up! Not good. I have gone to storing photos in a folder system on an external hard disk.” Others use external hard drives as well, and Michele also keeps her photos on Flickr. Her settings are such that only she and her family can see them, a privacy feature that’s likely important to you if you’re posting pictures of your kids.

 

If you want to share your photos, of course, the photo editing tools above can help you come up with hundreds of creative ways to do so. It may take a little patience to sit through the tutorials and master techniques, but it’s a lot better than handing someone a dusty shoebox full of snapshots with curling edges, isn’t it?

Succeeding as a Single Parent

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Being a parent is hard. I don’t care who you are or how much money you have, or how smart you used to feel before you had kids. I’ve never met a mother who felt she had it completely under control, all the time.

 

Being a single parent has its own challenges, of course. No matter whether you become a single parent by choice or circumstance, in some ways, it makes a hard job even harder. No live-in backup when you need to take a break. Maybe no one to remind you, when you’ve lost all perspective and feel like you’re doing it all wrong, that you’re a wonderful person succeeding at one of the hardest jobs in the world.

 

But just as single parenthood has its hardships, it carries with it unexpected joys and blessings. Today in The Motherhood, we talked about managing the challenges and cultivating the rewards of single parenthood with talk host Issa Mas of Single Mama NYC and panelists Shannon of The Mommy-Files, Crystal of Kid Things, Linda of NYC Single Mom, and Teresa of TeresaOlvera.com.

 

 

There are Challenges…

 

The challenge most frequently cited by the moms we talked with today was simply, “never enough hands,” as Crystal put it. Teresa said, “The hardest part was when I was sick or working. I was the one that had to take the time off of work. I had to make sure (my daughter) made it to the dentist appointments. But when it came time for when I was sick, she had to learn to be there for me.” The upside, she noted, was that facing those challenges together made for a closer relationship over the years. Also difficult, Teresa pointed out, was missing her daughter on holidays when she was with her other parent.

 

One talk participant, who is a recent widow, spoke of going to her child’s back to school events: “It’s tough going alone, knowing there isn’t anyone there to laugh with or make fun of goofy speakers with.”

 

Issa Mas shared advice that is helpful with regard to both administrative and emotional challenges: “I am a believer in a little bit of planning and forethought going a long way. If you can sit down and identify what your challenges are or will be and try to address those needs before they arrive, it lessens stress considerably.” Sometimes just knowing what you’re facing helps you to be ready for it.

 

 

… and Rewards

 

Richard Bach wrote, “There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands.” And whatever problems are inherent in being the sole grownup-in-charge, they come bearing gifts.  One mom enjoys all the one-on-one time she gets with her child. Linda loves hearing her daughter acknowledge that she’s a good mommy. Shannon hears her sons using good manners (with one another, no less!) and thinks to herself, “I did that – I taught them to do that.” Those are no small things–they’re signposts along the path, reminding you that yes, you are headed the right way.  For the road is long, is it not? One of Teresa’s rewarding moments was seeing her daughter on her first day of college. And she guided her child to that proud day.

 

One of the great rewards of single parenting can be, as Issa Mas puts it, “growing your village.” Sometimes partnered parents are a unit unto themselves, and if it works, that’s great. But when you’re parenting on your own, it becomes necessary to build a network of trusted friends and family for those inevitable times when you need help or encouragement. It might be as practical as a group of other moms to trade off child care with. It may be as life-changing as creating a chosen family: aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents who may not be related by blood, but by choice and love.

 

 

Don’t Forget About You

 

You’ve heard it before: parenting is like being on an airplane when the cabin pressure drops. The oxygen masks fall, and the temptation is to make sure your child’s mask is on, that they’re protected. But the reality is that if you don’t put your own mask on, you’ll be no good to anyone.

 

When you’re a single parent, self-care is your oxygen mask. It gives you what you need to be a better parent, and you should no more feel guilty about having it than you would about needing to take a deep breath of oxygen. Teaching the kids to pull their weight around the house is a form of self-care, as well as a means to build mastery in self-esteem in your kids. (As most of our panelists acknowledge, though, getting the kids to be helpful is something of a process. I guess some things are the same no matter how many parents are in the house.) Time to yourself, especially with friends who understand, is another important component of self-care. Being a mom is wonderful, but so is eating chocolate-covered doughnuts–and you wouldn’t want to do that 24/7 without a break, either.

 

It Gets Better, and Other Words of Wisdom

 

Single parenting can be overwhelming sometimes, especially if you’re new to it.  Crystal says, “it does get easier. It may not be today or tomorrow, but it really does get easier. You’ll get into a routine and most day-to-day stuff won’t seem quite so difficult anymore.” Teresa reminds us, ” Try to do your best to have a decent relationship with the child’s father. Try to get along as much as you can.” Sometimes easier said than done, but always worth striving for. She also urges, “Try to be flexible with your child’s schedule and make time for you. Make sure you still live your life. Your child wants to see you independent so that they can learn from you.”

 

Good advice, from women who have been there, who are there, who are there for each other. Sounds like the village got a little bigger today.

 

Oh, Snap: Taking Great Photos of Your Kids

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Every year since my oldest was born, my husband and I have made a photo calendar of the kids as Christmas gifts for the grandparents. Consequently, we’re always on the lookout for “calendar shots” throughout the year. I remember one Easter eve. We were coloring eggs and my son was about seven. I wanted a picture of him and his four year old sister dipping their eggs and smiling. Trouble was, he just didn’t look happy enough. “Smile,” I urged him repeatedly, as he focused on not dropping his egg and splashing dye everywhere. “SMILE.” Unsurprisingly, my son looked increasingly stricken in every photo I snapped until, in the final one, he is wearing a terrified grimace and holding his egg out to me as if afraid I will crush it over his head.

 

You will not be shocked to learn that that picture did not make the calendar.

 

Fortunately for all of us, I am not in charge of handing out the photography tips around here. For that, we have a cracker-jack team of great moms and brilliant photographers whose kids do not start to tremble and break out in hives when someone whips out a Nikon. Hosting our photography talk today was Heather, aka Sprittibee. She was joined by Stacy of Kids Stuff World, Jamie of See Jamie Blog and Jamie Worley Photography, and Jacquilyn of Jacquilyn Avery, all with tips on how to capture those fleeting moments with your kids – and have fun at the same time.

 

 

Heather’s Hints

 

Heather dropped hints for getting good pictures throughout the talk like my kids drop Teddy Grahams throughout the house. I’ve gathered them here for your enjoyment (the hints, not the Teddy Grahams):

 

#1 : FRAME your shot.  Make sure the light is not too harsh, clear the clutter from your background – those are things that can’t be fixed easily in Photoshop… the aim is to try and take your BEST shot inside the camera.

 

#2: Get to know your camera. Read your manual. Get informal lessons from others who use your camera type if you are the SEE IT rather than read it type.

 

 #3: Look at other people’s photos for inspiration. Keep a folder of favorite pictures you want to try and mimic with your children for fun, or just take some notes and use your imagination. (See some of Heather’s favorites here.)

 

#4 : Get yourself in some of the photos or you’ll regret it later. Don’t feel sorry for yourself that no one else in the family thinks to take pictures of mom – be assertive and ASK someone to take a picture!

 

#5: Take photos of them with the things they love, doing what they love. This is a great way to memorialize the moments that make life and your unique kids special.

 

#6: Look for a different angle. Always shoot more than one shot of the same picture Sometimes just getting down on your kids’ level or getting a picture of the scene from a new vantage point will make your photo pop.

 

#7: Take some silhouette and profile shots. It used to be popular to have a dark photo with the light from the side, and to draw silhouettes and mod-podge them. These are coming back in style and there are some great iPhone apps that allow you to make the most creative photos from empty silhouettes filled with photos.

 

#8: Play with photo editing. It’s not that hard. IPhone apps are super fun, and easier than learning Photoshop. Heather has printed many of her iPhone photos that she has edited with apps and framed them in her house, the quality is so good. Heather recommends checking out Alli Worthington’s e-book to learn about iPhone apps to use for photography.

 

#9: Don’t miss the action. Learn to pan, learn about shutter speeds, get your kids running, laughing, doing whatever quirky thing they do. This is another reason why our DSLR cameras aren’t always enough.The iPhone is revolutionizing photography because it is always in your pocket.

 

#10: Make collages to tell stories. You can make collages on Picasa, on iPhone apps such as Diptic, and on BigHugeLabs.com from your flickr photos.

 

#11: Make friends with your iPhone and load up on photo apps.  Heather says, “I couldn’t do a talk without mentioning Instagram.” Heather’s blog post on Instagram is definitely a worthwhile read.  Stacy also has a great iPhone tip: “Did you know you could take a photo using the volume button on your phone? When you want to be in a photo yourself, use the flip camera option and use the volume buttons to better control how you frame your shot.”

 

 

More Brilliant Ideas

 

I’m a Pinterest junkie. If you are, too, you’ll appreciate all the great photography ideas and tips on Stacy’s photography board. Pinterest is a great way to collect and organize shots that you admire and would like to try. Stacy’s advice about taking pictures of kids is,  “Head out with the mindset of just having fun. Don’t expect to go out with lots of young children and do a professional shoot of some sort. For me, the magic of catching children in photographs comes through catching them in the moment. Go out to have fun and THEN  you will truly get some great shots.” Jacquilyn agrees: “Make picture taking fun! Act goofy – be crazy!”

 

I wish I’d talked to Jacquilyn before terrorizing my poor little dude trying to get him to smile at me while he was busy coloring eggs. She says, “Another tip I use with my own family is, don’t always worry about capturing images with them looking at the camera. My oldest son suffers from severe autism and has NO interest in looking at the camera whatsoever. We structure our photo shoots around capturing interaction. My husband and I playing with the kids, looking the direction they are looking, tickling or reading together. Capturing moments that are dear to us vs. trying and trying and trying for that perfect look into the camera everyone smiling shot… because for us, it just isn’t going to happen and that’s totally ok!”

 

And when it comes down to it, the stiff, posed shots aren’t the ones you love to look at over and over. Jamie notes, “I’m kind of a stalker, even in my family, for natural, un-cheese shots.” Those are the ones that turn out to be the treasures. As Stacy observes, “I think an often overlooked part of shooting our kids is just capturing those sweet moments part of your everyday life. The ones you truly want to remember, not the ones in the fancy clothes or the uncomfortable shoes. Just moments that, without the shot, you might not remember on your own.”

 

(Check out the transcript of the talk here for more great ideas and links.)

Music is Magical: Tackling Important Family Topics Through Song

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Doesn’t motherhood just make you want to burst into song all the time? That’s how it makes me feel. Unfortunately, the song is usually “I Wanna Be Sedated” by the Ramones.

 

Chances are your experience of parenting isn’t all that much like a Broadway musical, either (and if I am wrong about this, please keep it to yourself). But whether we realize it or not, almost every mom uses music to help get through the day–whether it’s the “clean up” song with preschoolers, listening to our own favorites on an iPod while running or doing the dishes, or singing babies to sleep at night. Music makes motherhood easier, not to mention more entertaining.

 

No one knows this better than Ellie, The Mommy Master. Ellie’s just released a CD of children’s music called “Music is Magical.” Inspired by the fun she and her three young sons have making music together, Ellie has created songs that kids love (and learn from) and that parents like to listen to as well. Of the origins of her CD, Ellie says, “I always studied the piano and loved music growing up. I was very involved with theatre, took acting classes and was always performing. I found music to be a great way to express myself. When I had kids, I put my love of writing and my love of music together and my CD was born.” Ellie’s songs are fun, but many of them also deal with things kids find challenging, like the first day of school and potty training, in a way that makes those challenges easier to face.

 

 

Ellie joined us in The Motherhood today to talk about sharing music and special moments with our kids. Also on board were Hanan of Lilac City Momma, Eileen of A Suburban State of Mom, Lolo of Crazy About My Baybah, Marcie of Suburban Mama, and Elizabeth of Vocke Ventures – A Living Experiment.

 

These moms know how to use music to everyone’s advantage. Elizabeth says, “I use music to help my daughter (who is 4) remember important things. I made up a song to teach her to spell her name when she was very young, and recently used a song to teach her our phone number, in case she ever needs it. She picked it up in three or four tries.” Eileen uses music to entertain her boys, but also to help them focus: “There have also been so many studies about how music helps brain function. I play relaxing kinda music during homework time and I swear it helps my older one relax and focus.” Marcie uses music to help her kids manage time: “A lot of times I measure tasks and time in song – like how long will it take me to do this? Oh, that’s 2 songs long… How far is the place we are going, the kids ask? Oh, that’s 3 songs long.”

 

Given how great music can be for kids, Hanan wondered, “What age is a good time to teach your child to play an instrument?” Ellie responded, “If they show an interest, I don’t think there is a minimum age. For example, banging in the drums or making music with pots and pans is educational for the real young ones. My oldest took piano lessons when he was 4.” Lolo adds, “My son loves to play his harmonica, it is so cute! He is three.” Obviously, music doesn’t have to be an all-or-nothing commitment; kids can ease into it. After all, it’s supposed to be enjoyable.

 

 

Speaking of which, most of us listen to “regular” music with our kids, because the kids do enjoy it and because, let’s face it, Barney songs make moms want to claw their own eardrums out by the third line.  That’s why Ellie tried to be mindful of the needs of kids and the tastes of parents when creating her CD: “I created my CD with current rhythms and beats, similar to top 20 hits, so children would keep interest. Children’s songs don’t have to be baby songs. I have a rap song, techno, reggae and country among others.”

 

If you have little ones, catch a sample of Music is Magical here (there’s also info on buying the CD). The kids will love it, and you’ll enjoy sharing it with them while they’re little. After all, there will be plenty of time to introduce them to the Ramones when they’re (much) older.