Navigating Food Allergies: Safe Halloween Treats and a Live Talk with Author Sandra Beasley

October 25, 2011 by The Motherhood

Just in time to get into the spirit of Halloween, moms concerned with food allergies met in TheMotherhood on October 25, 2011, to discuss safe and fun ways to handle this food-centric holiday with their children.

Sandra Beasley, author of “Don’t Kill the Birthday Girl: Tales from an Allergic Life,” and Lori Sandler, founder of Divvies Bakery and author of The Divvies Bakery Cookbook, hosted the class and led the conversation with their insights and ideas. Contributing to the discussion were co-hosts Barbara Rosenstein from the Food Allergy Initiative, www.faiusa.org (the world’s largest private source of funding for food allergy research), and Susan Weissman, advocate, writer for the Huffington Post, and past co-host of the Navigating Food Allergies series on TheMotherhood.

Read on for the top seven “spook-tacular” tips discussed during the live chat!

#7: Take the Focus Off of Food

Halloween generally revolves around “treats” – particularly candy, which often is not safe for kids with food allergies. Some parents substitute non-food items like money or toys for candy.

“I’ve been hearing about some inventive ways to approach candy that’s not safe,” said Sandra Beasley. “One parent suggests bringing in the tooth fairy to save the day!” Here is the story: http://alwayssick.com/2011/09/22/trick-or-treating-with-food-allergies/

Julie Pippert said, “This year, for a variety of reasons — food allergies, health, etc. — I got little Halloween themed toys to hand out: erasers, pencils, sticky lizards and spiders, silly little things.”

“Putting emphasis on the costume really helps too,” added Sandra Beasley. “But I love seeing goody baskets that include little notepads, plastic spider rings, etc. Those are cheap & easy to mix in — just go to the party supply section of any dollar store.”

“We do have a tradition in my neighborhood where we take basket of treats to two neighbors in the days before Halloween, ring-and-run, and leave the baskets on the doorstep with a poem asking that they do the same,” said Becki. “We stuff our baskets with fun things like cookie cutters, glow sticks, etc., as well as a few nut-safe candies. That’s a fun tradition that my kids love, and the emphasis is less on the food.”

Pumpkin carving and Halloween crafting and decorating could be another good way to celebrate the season while avoiding food.

“Traditions , such as pumpkin carving, are a wonderful way to make holidays more special,” said Lori Sandler.

#6: Practice Allergy-Friendly Treating

However, you don’t need to leave food completely out of the equation. In addition to treats, Halloween is a big social event – particularly for older kids. Try using the social aspect of the holiday to ensure your child feels included in the activities.

Lori Sandler “always organized a pre-Trick-or-Treating dinner for our sons’ friends and parents. Made all of their favorite foods and desserts … totally allergen-safe for Benjamin and his other friends who have food allergies. This way, everyone felt that they had lots of treats before we even began Trick-or-Treating!”

At the bottom of this page, you can find tips for hosting your own allergy-safe Halloween Boo-fet (Buffet)!

#5: Empower Your Kids

Look at Halloween as an awareness and education opportunity, both for your children and others who might not have food allergies or understand the challenges. We can educate others about food allergy safety and inclusion by example.

Susan Weissman pointed out, “We don’t use Halloween as a time to raise food allergy awareness. We just navigate the challenges of that particular year.”

“That’s why it is so good when you let the kids who come to your door pick their OWN treats, instead of picking out the candy for them,” replied Sandra Beasley. “Give kids the power.”

Julie Pippert suggested a slightly different method. “I tend to hand it out myself, though I’ll let them verbally pick,” she said. “It’s portion control. We get a TON of trick or treaters. I easily buy $40 worth and 10 lbs and run out every year!”

#4: Think of New Uses for Candy

If your child goes trick-or-treating and comes home with a full bag of candy he can’t eat because of food allergies, find another way he can use it.

“Here’s one idea I had based on my own childhood: make a BINGO card for your child’s Halloween experience that includes different brands, types of candy, ‘red wrapper,’ etc.,” suggested Sandra Beasley. “For every row they complete they win a non-food or allergy-friendly prize. This means that even when they go to a house with nothing they can eat, they might be able to get excited about X-ing out a square.”

You can also have your kids use candy as a form of “currency,” or something to trade for allergy-safe items.

At the end of the night on Halloween, Gabrielle’s kids “turn their candy in to us and we take them to the toy store and let them pick out whatever (within reason) toy they would like in place of the candy. Of course, we always keep safe treats in the house for them to enjoy too!”

#3: Safety First

Even with wrapped candy, cross-contamination can occur.

“We have a rule that candy cannot be eaten until we eliminate the unsafe candy, check the quality of the wrappers, and wash hands,” said Julie Trone. “Any wrappers that have been loosened get tossed.”

Added knmtwins, “I deliver safe treats to everyone we know double bagged in Ziplocs. May be obsessive, but haven’t had cross contamination issues since.”

“My strategy is to buy all nut-allergy safe candy and then, at the end of the night, let my daughter trade the unsafe treats she’s picked up from the goodies left over in our candy bowl (all of which I’ve chosen to appeal to her),” said Becki.

And be careful about less obvious risks, like Halloween masks and haunted houses.

Lori Sandler’s son Benjamin broke out in hives once after trying on another child’s latex mask after he had eaten something Benjamin was allergic to.

And Sandra Beasley pointed out, “I can remember being sent through houses that recreated freaky textures using foods (i.e. peeled grapes for eyeballs); they didn’t realize that for me, the REAL terror was getting an unfamiliar food on my hands.”

#2: Be Available at Your Children’s Halloween Parties

To help your children avoid uncomfortable party situations, make yourself available whenever possible to check out the food ahead of time.

Lori Sandler proposed that parents/guardians “plan on attending classroom and out-of-school parties in order to check ingredients of all food being served, and to resolve safety concerns. If you can’t stay for the entire party, be sure to stay long enough to check all of the food ingredients.”

Sandra Beasley shared more tips from her experiences as a child. “If you’re ever dropping a child off into a party environment and you’ve made special arrangements, make sure your kid sees you talking to the person who will be in charge,” she said. “Sometimes a well-meaning parent would tell me ‘oh, you’re fine,’ but I wasn’t comfortable unless I knew my mother had actually talked to the adult. At the same time, I didn’t want to be rude by refusing the parent’s offer. There were some awkward moments. Color-coded plates or bowls that the child knows are ‘safe’ — maybe serving ware they can recognize, with a distinct pattern from home — are also really helpful.”

“It helps to develop a relationship with the other parents in the class beyond friends parents and especially with any room parent,” noted Julie Trone. “I happen to be a bit nervous with other people bringing in food for my sons so I tend to discuss the idea beforehand, then ask if I can add to the classroom treats with safe treats for everyone. This way my children feel included.”

Gabrielle shared, “Yesterday I noticed some snacks on the table that I knew had a nut warning. Luckily I was there and mentioned it, even though my son brings his own personal snack every day just to be safe … I felt bad speaking up, but they were actually glad that I did!”

#1: Take Care of Kids’ Emotional Needs

All of these risks can add up to children feeling sensitive about perceived differences.

Lori Sandler emphasized that above all, when we take care of our children’s hearts first, it helps keep moments like trick-or-treating special and less stressful: “Remember your child’s emotional needs, and be careful about drawing unnecessary attention to his food allergies!”

Susan Weissman supported this point with a personal experience. “I find that younger children need our ‘language suggestions’ for tricky situations. (My) son went on a spooky Halloween walk in a local botanical garden with friends and he needed me to tell him how to say ‘no thank you’ to the spooks handing out candy if he didn’t feel like touching it.”

Sometimes Halloween becomes emotionally easier as children grow up. Lori Sandler of Divvies and Elizabeth from Onespot Allergy have sons who have experienced similar situations. Lori said her son Benjamin, now 13, enjoys Halloween a lot more now since it is more about being with friends rather than collecting tons of candy.

Elizabeth added, “I feel fortunate that my peanut/tree nut allergic son lost interest in trick or treating years ago. His brother is older and doesn’t go out either, so he doesn’t feel he’s missing anything. We also always have candy in the house, so there’s no motivation for him to hoard it at Halloween.”

BONUS! How to Host a Pre-Trick-or-Treating Boo-fet! (Buffet)

Here are some ideas for themes and allergy-friendly treats to feature at a Halloween Boo-fet:

Susan Weissman noted that “kids like the color theme – things that are black and orange even if they aren’t traditional Halloween fare. Could be tangerines and chopped up black licorice in bowls (we find Panda brand is safe).”

Erin suggested looking through The Divvies Bakery Cookbook by Lori Sandler, www.divvies.com, purchase safe candies and small toys, and create Halloween Baskets similar to Easter Baskets.

Lori Sandler asks her son Benjamin to help plan the menu. She noted that “it gave him a great sense of control and distracted him from thinking about what he may not be able to eat later in the evening.”

Julie Pippert shared a recipe for Jack O’Lantern Fruit Cups: http://parentingteens.about.com/od/recipesforkids/r/halloween221.htm

Sandra Beasley loves “the idea of playing with color versus sugar. Roast a mix of purple potatoes and butternut squash! Just preheat the oven to 400 degrees, coat it all in olive oil and salt, and roast away.”

Julie Trone makes a delicious gluten-free pumpkin bread that has been a hit in her home. “It is also dairy, peanut, tree nut, seed, and soy free,” she said.

Resources

Fact sheet for avoiding anaphylaxis on Halloween: http://www.aaaai.org/Aaaai/media/MediaLibrary/PDF Documents/Libraries/EL-food-allergies-halloween-patient.pdf

Tips for handling Halloween parties at school and at home: http://www.kidswithfoodallergies.org/resourcespre.php?id=42

From Barbara Rosenstein, a link to companies (including Divvies) that offer allergy-friendly treats for Halloween and other holidays:
https://www.faiusa.org/sslpage.aspx?pid=661

Making paper pumpkin ornaments: http://www.hostessblog.com/2008/09/diy-project-paper-pumpkin-craft/

Thank you to our wonderful hosts and co-hosts for their insights and suggestions on this important, timely topic!

Sandra Beasley, Don’t Kill the Birthday Girl: Tales from an Allergic Life

Lori Sandler, Divvies

Barbara Rosenstein, Food Allergy Initiative

Susan Weissman, Peanuts in Eden

See the original Talk here: http://tmotherhood.wpengine.com/talk/show/id/62286

Pillsbury Twitter Party Official Rules

October 20, 2011 by The Motherhood

Sweepstakes Rules:

Sponsor: The Motherhood Inc., 1601 Mary’s Ave, Ste 1L1, Pittsburgh, PA 15215, is solely responsible for all aspects of this sweepstakes (“Sweepstakes”). Decisions of Sponsor are final and binding with respect to the Sweepstakes.

No Purchase Necessary TO ENTER OR WIN.

The #CinnamonRollSunday Twitter Party sweepstakes starts October 27, 2015 at 2:00 PM Eastern Time (“ET”) and ends on October 27, 2015 at 3:00 PM Eastern Time (the “Sweepstakes”).

ELIGIBILITY: THE SWEEPSTAKES IS Open Only to Legal Residents OF THE fifty (50) UNITED STATES AND THE DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA, who are at least 18 years of age. Void Where Prohibited. Employees (and their immediate families (parent, child, spouse or sibling and their respective spouses, regardless of where they reside) and those living in their same households, whether or not related) of Sponsor (The Motherhood Inc.), General Mills, the participating bloggers, and their respective parents, affiliates, subsidiaries and advertising and promotion agencies are not eligible to enter or win. By participating, entrants agree to be bound by these Official Rules and the decisions of the Sponsor, participating blog and/or judges, which are binding and final on matters relating to this Sweepstakes. Sweepstakes is subject to all applicable federal, state and local laws.

To enter: To enter, participants must have a Twitter account (free at www.Twitter.com) and must RSVP to the online invitation (http://vite.io/themotherhoodchats) by 2:00 PM Eastern Time on October 27, 2015.

To be eligible for the chance to win a prize in the sweepstakes, participants must tweet an answer to a giveaway question asked by @TMChatHost, and must use the #PillsburySweepstakes hashtag in his or her tweet. Each response tweeted in response to the giveaway question following these criteria is counted as one entry to the sweepstakes, allowing one response per Twitter handle.

No purchase necessary. Open to legal residents of the 50 U.S. states and D.C. 18 and older. Void where prohibited. All entries must be received by the date and time stated in the Sweepstakes Posting (October 27, 2015 by 3:00 PM Eastern Time) to be eligible. Limit one (1) entry per person/email address/Twitter handle, per giveaway question (five (5) questions total). Entries received from any person, e-mail address or Twitter handle in excess of the stated limitation will be void. Entries generated by script, macro or other automated means or by any means which subvert the entry process are void. All entries become the property of Sponsor and will not be acknowledged or returned.

Drawing: Potential winner(s) will be selected in random drawing(s) held during the Twitter Party from all eligible entries received. Odds of winning depend on the number of eligible entries received. Potential winner(s) will be notified by a tweet from @TMChatHost during the Twitter Party and may be required to execute and return an affidavit of eligibility, a liability release and, where lawful, a publicity release within seven (7) days of date of issuance. If such documents are not returned within the specified time period, prize notification is returned as undeliverable, or a potential winner is not in compliance with these rules, prize will be forfeited and, at Sponsor’s discretion, an alternate winner selected. If a potential winner is at least 18 but still considered a minor in his/her jurisdiction of residence, prize may be awarded in the name of his/her parent or legal guardian who will be responsible for fulfilling all requirements imposed on winners set forth herein. Winners will be required to Direct Message their mailing address to @TMChatHost in order for The Motherhood to fulfill prizes. Failure to do may result in forfeiture of prize and, at Sponsor’s discretion, prize may be awarded to an alternate winner.

Prize(s): The prize(s) – five (5) $25 Visa gift cards – and their approximate retail value(s) ($25 each) will be set forth during the Twitter Party. Gift card(s) are subject to terms and conditions specified by issuer. Prizes are awarded “as is” with no warranty or guarantee, either express or implied. Prizes may not substituted, assigned or transferred or redeemed for cash, however Sponsor reserves the right, at its sole discretion, to substitute a prize (or portion thereof) with one of comparable or greater value. Winners are responsible for all applicable federal, state and local taxes, if any, as well as any other costs and expenses associated with prize acceptance and use not specified herein as being provided. All prize details are at Sponsor’s sole discretion. Limit one (1) prize per household. If gift cards are awarded as prizes, terms and conditions of issuer applies. Prizes will be shipped within two weeks of the end of the Twitter Party.

General Conditions: Released Parties (as defined below) are not responsible for lost, late, incomplete, inaccurate, stolen, misdirected, undelivered or garbled entries, Tweets, @mentions or email; or for lost, interrupted or unavailable network, server, Internet Service Provider (ISP), website, or other connections, availability or accessibility or miscommunications or failed computer, satellite, telephone or cable transmissions, lines, or technical failure or jumbled, scrambled, delayed, or misdirected transmissions or computer hardware or software malfunctions, failures or difficulties, or other errors or difficulties of any kind whether human, mechanical, electronic, computer, network, typographical, printing or otherwise relating to or in connection with the Sweepstakes, including, without limitation, errors or difficulties which may occur in connection with the administration of the Sweepstakes, the processing of entries, the announcement of the prize(s) or in any Sweepstakes-related materials. Released Parties are also not responsible for any incorrect or inaccurate information, whether caused by site users, tampering, hacking, or by any equipment or programming associated with or utilized in the Sweepstakes. Released Parties are not responsible for injury or damage to participants’ or to any other person’s computer related to or resulting from participating in this Sweepstakes or downloading materials from or use of the website. Persons who tamper with or abuse any aspect of the Sweepstakes or any website or blog or who are in violation of these Official Rules, as solely determined by Sponsor, will be disqualified and all associated entries will be void. Sponsor reserves the right at its sole discretion to suspend, modify or terminate the Sweepstakes at any time and for any reason, including, but not limited to, should any portion of the Sweepstakes be, in Sponsor’s sole opinion, compromised by virus, worms, bugs, non-authorized human intervention or other causes which, in the sole opinion of the Sponsor, corrupt or impair the administration, security, fairness or proper play, or submission of entries, and, if terminated, at its discretion, select the potential winner(s) from all eligible, non-suspect entries received prior to action taken or as otherwise deemed fair and appropriate by Sponsor. Entrants, by participating, agree that Sponsor, The Motherhood, Participating Bloggers, Twitter, and their respective parents, affiliates, subsidiaries and advertising and promotion agencies and all of their respective officers, directors, employees, representatives and agents (collectively, “Released Parties”) will have no liability whatsoever for, and shall be held harmless by entrants against, any liability, for any injuries, losses or damages of any kind, including death, to persons, or property resulting in whole or in part, directly or indirectly, from acceptance, possession, misuse or use of any prize or participation in this Sweepstakes. In the event of a dispute regarding entries received from multiple users having the same e-mail account, the authorized subscriber of the e-mail account at the time of entry will be deemed to be the entrant and must comply with these rules. Authorized account subscriber is the natural person who is assigned the e-mail address by the Internet Service Provider (ISP), on-line service provider, or other organization responsible for assigning e-mail addresses.

Winners’ LIST: The names of the winners will be announced by @TMChatHost during the Twitter Party immediately following the drawing(s).

Sponsor: The Motherhood Inc. 1601 Mary’s Ave, Ste 1L1, Pittsburgh, PA 15215

Sponsor: Sweepstakes is sponsored by The Motherhood. Sponsor will not be responsible for typographical, printing or other inadvertent errors in these Official Rules or in other materials relating to the Sweepstakes. If you have any questions regarding this Sweepstakes, please contact [email protected].

This Sweepstakes is in no way sponsored, endorsed or administered by, or associated with Twitter. Any questions, comments or complaints regarding the Sweepstakes must be directed to the Sponsor, not to Twitter.

Crafting with Kids for Happy Halloween Memories

October 14, 2011 by The Motherhood

It was quite a festive Halloween chat on TheMotherhood when college student and baking whiz Kaitlin Flannery of Whisk Kid blog demonstrated cute and tasty Halloween crafts using Rice Krispies Treats! Her Treats, along with a number of recipes on RiceKrispies.com, would be a perfect edible craft activity for a children’s costume party.

http://youtu.be/dqy5PvBBfwg

Kaitlin was joined by 16 blogger co-hosts, who make up our amazing Rice Krispies Making Memories Challenge teams. They have already created Easter Treats and summer snacks, and for the latest spook-tacular challenge, each of the teams created their own Rice Krispies recipes and spell-binding Halloween displays. See photos and details below!

“This was such a fun challenge. Can’t wait to talk Halloween Treats with y’all today!” said Robyn at Add a Pinch.

One great way to spend quality time with your kids is to bake and craft with them, and for Kaitlin and her own mom, Halloween was the perfect holiday to do both. Using some of these edible craft ideas, you and your kids can create special memories together, too!

Rice Krispies Treats Pumpkin Heads

Kaitlin kicked off the class by demonstrating how to create a variation on Rice Krispies Treats Pumpkin Heads, which are featured on the Rice Krispies website.

See recipe: http://www.ricekrispies.com/#/recipes/pumpkin-head-treats

Instead of wrapping the balls of Rice Krispies in fruit rollups, she dipped them in orange-colored candy melts, cut peppermint patties into faces (two triangles for eyes with a semi-circle mouth) and put a green gumdrop on top for a stem.

“Just make sure you use an oil-based dye to color candy melts. Water-based colors will ruin your chocolate!” advised Ashley, Cute as a Fox creations.

For an alternative to candy melts, Jenn at SuperJenn suggested melted frosting. She also added, “We found that if you set your marshmallows out overnight before you make the Treats …. they make up great …but are ‘crunchier’ when they cool … they hold shape very well that way!”

Kaitlin also shared several tips for working with Rice Krispies Treats:

To save time, you can make the Rice Krispies Treats ahead of time and soften them in the microwave before molding them into shapes.
So the Rice Krispies Treats don’t cool off and harden, becoming difficult to mold, you can keep them over hot water.
To avoid messy hands and create pumpkin heads of the same size, use an ice cream scoop.
You can also keep the Treats from sticking to you by putting a little oil or warm water on your hands.

For a variation on the Pumpkin Head Treats, Kaitlin suggested molding the Rice Krispies into a ghost shape, using sprinkles for eyes and dipping the bottom in white chocolate and coconut flakes.

“Love these little pumpkins & ghosts. So cute and easy to make!” said Zareen at Cooking with Z.

Surprise Pumpkin Treats

Another Rice Krispies Halloween favorite hides gooey chocolate pieces of candy inside balls of Rice Krispies Treats for a delicious surprise in the center of the snack. Kaitlin took the class through preparations for this creation.

See the recipe on the Rice Krispies website: http://www.ricekrispies.com/#/recipes/surprise-pumpkin-treats

“The hidden surprise is a really fun concept!” said Sommer at A Spicy Perspective.

Halloween Rice Krispies Making Memories Challenge

The four teams participating in the year-long Rice Krispies Making Memories Challenge also created their own unique edible Halloween crafts, perfect for quality time with the kids or a fun activity during a kids’ Halloween party.

“My kids love to create in the kitchen!” said Ashley at Cute as a Fox Creations.

Here are the recipes:
Team Asheville

Make Your Own Monsters Rice Krispies Treats

3 Tb. butter
4 cups (10 oz.) mini marshmallows
6 cups Rice Krispies Cereal
1/2 teaspoon apple pie spice
decorator frosting, various colors
assorted candies

Spray a 9 X 13 inch baking dish with non-stick cooking spray.
In a saucepan, melt the butter and marshmallows over medium heat. Once melted add apple pie spice and stir until dissolved.
Remove from heat and add the Rice Krispies. Stir until coated.
Spoon the Rice Krispies mixture into the prepared pan. Press firmly with wax paper.
Once cooled, use cookie cutters to cut the Rice Krispies Treats into desired shapes.
Decorate Rice Krispies Treats with decorator frosting and assorted candies to make your own monster.

“What great decorating on these! Love that Bride of Frankenstein especially!” said Robyn.

Said Jacquilyn at Aly & Ash, “The artist on these is fabulous! Mine would never look like this!”

Team Philly

Brown Butter Pumpkin Rice Krispies Treats – Haunted Pumpkin Patch

1 stick (8 TBS) butter or margarine
1 ¼ tsp Pumpkin Pie Spice
1 package (about 40) 10 regular marshmallows
2 TBS Pumpkin Puree
7 cups Rice Krispies

In large saucepan melt butter over low heat. Stirring frequently. Butter will foam and then the foam will subside. Brown bits will begin to form at the bottom. Keep stirring. You will smell a nutty aroma and the butter will be lightly brown. Turn off the heat.
Stir in pumpkin pie spice until incorporated. Add marshmallows and stir. Put the heat back on low and stir until marshmallows are completely melted. Remove from heat.
Stir in pumpkin puree and two drops of red food coloring and 3-4 drops of yellow food coloring (to make desired orange color).
Mix in Rice Krispies until they are fully coated with marshmallow mixture. Turn out onto a wax paper lined baking sheet.

To Make Pumpkins:

Ingredients:

One batch Brown Butter Pumpkin Rice Krispies Treats
Small Pretzel Sticks
Green Icing tube with Leaf tip

Directions:

Allow Rice Krispies Treats to cool for a bit.
Shape into round balls. Insert a 1/3 of a pretzel stick into the tops to act as a pumpkin stem.
Use green icing and a leaf tip to create a small green leaf on the side of the “stem.”

“I just don’t think you can go wrong with brown butter pumpkin,” said Jenn at SuperJenn.
“So spooooky!” added Amy at She Wears Many Hats.

Team Kansas City

Cinnamonster Rice Krispies Treat Snack Mix

3 Tbsp. Unsalted Butter
4oz. cinnamon flavored marshmallows (1/2 bag)
2 1/2c. Traditional Rice Krispies®
Cinnamon Sugar (Mix to your personal cinnamon/sugar preference)

Melt 3Tbsp. Butter in a heavy saucepan over med-high heat.
Add marshmallows, stirring constantly until melted and mixture is smooth.
Add Rice Krispies® to hot mixture in saucepan (this keeps them warm, and thus easier to manipulate, longer)
Mix thoroughly.
Spray cooking spray on a cookie sheet and pull out small chunks of Rice Krispies mixture one at a time to work with. Pull apart enough to make small balls of treats, slightly smaller than “bite sized”.
You will need to work quickly. The cooler the mixture gets, the more difficult it is to shape.
Roll each ball in the cinnamon and sugar mixture to coat. Set aside on waxed paper.
If not using immediately, cover tightly to store.
Mix Cinnamon balls with 1 1/2c. popped popcorn, 1/2c. salted cashews and 1/2c. chocolate candy pieces.

***Tip: If you want a more crunchy texture to your cinnamon balls, set your marshmallows out the night before so that they dry out. They will melt as normal but when the final mixture cools it will be more crunchy and less chewy.***

Just in case cinnamon isn’t your thing (or because we couldn’t stop ourselves) here is a chocolate variation: Swap out cinnamon marshmallows for chocolate ones and Cocoa Krispies® for the traditional ones. In the mix, use candy corn in place of chocolate candy pieces.

“Love the monster bags!” said Kristyn at Li’l Luna.

Added Stephanie, “I need to save this…both of my sons would go crazy over it!”

Team Phoenix

Rice Krispies Caramel Apple Treats

4 Tbsp butter or margarine
1 10-ounce bag of marshmallows
1 ½ cups dehydrated apples
2 individual serving size packets of Apple Cider drink mix
1 1/2 cup caramel bits or caramel squares cut into small chunks
6 cups Kellogg’s Rice Krispies®
Popsicle, lollipop, or other sticks
Caramels for dipping the apples
Assorted cookies, candies, and sprinkles for decorating

Directions – Preparing the Treats

Heat 4 Tbsp butter or margarine in a sauce pan over low heat. Add the marshmallows and stir until completely melted. Stir in 2 packets of Apple Cider drink mix.
Remove from heat and stir in 6 cups of Kellogg’s Rice Krispies®.
While the mixture is still hot, add the dehydrated apples and caramel chunks.
Once the mixture is cool enough to handle, tightly pack balls of Caramel Apple Treats around your stick. Make sure your hands are clean and greased well to avoid sticking.
Rest your treats, stick side up on a sheet of wax paper or greased cookie sheet. Refrigerate the treats until it is party time.

Directions – Dipping and Decorating

Heat up a bag of caramels on the stove top according to the package instructions.
Depending on age and kitchen experience, you can let your child dip the Caramel Apple Treats in the caramel or you can give some assistance.
Before the caramel sets up, have your child roll their Caramel Apple Treat in various candies, sprinkles, or crushed up cookies. You can go crazy and incorporate your family’s favorite sugary goodies into this recipe.

“I love the spider plate! That’s so much fun. And I bet that’s even BETTER than a caramel apple,” said Kayla S.

And Julie at Mommie Cooks said, “Yum yum! I love caramel, these are right up my alley!”

You can see more photos of the teams’ creations on the Rice Krispies Facebook page.

Thanks to Kellogg’s® Rice Krispies® for sponsoring the Talk and the Making Memories Challenge! And a BIG thanks as well to Kaitlin Flannery at Whisk Kid for hosting the chat!

You can visit the Rice Krispies Circle on TheMotherhood on October 21 to find out which team took home the prize for the Halloween Challenge. In the meantime, visit the team members on their blogs and enter for the chance to win a $100 bank gift card from Rice Krispies:

Sarah, Genesis Moments

Zareen, Cooking with Z

Tara, Baby Momma Blog

Joey, Real Mom in the Media

Kristen, Dine and Dish

Kelly, Kansas City Mamas

Jenn, Super Jenn

Julie, My Kansas City Mommy

Ashley, Cute as a Fox Creations

Kristyn, Lil Luna

Wendy, Around My Family Table

Jacquilyn, Aly & Ash

Sommer, A Spicy Perspective

Robyn, Add a Pinch

Julie, Mommie Cooks

Amy, She Wears Many Hat

See the original Talk here: http://tmotherhood.wpengine.com/talk/show/id/62274

Tweens and Building Self-Esteem

October 11, 2011 by The Motherhood

In the fourth and final class of Unilever-sponsored Tween Academy on October 11, 2011, TheMotherhood community crowded in to discuss how they could help their tweens build a healthy sense of confidence.

Class host Rosalind Wiseman, parenting expert and New York Times bestselling author of Queen Bees and Wannabes, emphasized the fact that as parents, it seems like we are constantly doing something for our children. However, one of the most important things that we can do is to help them develop self-esteem.

Six blogger co-hosts and a number of participants joined Rosalind for the hour-long class. Co-host Sarah at Mar Vista Mom expressed the moms’ sentiments succinctly: “This is a very important subject to me.”

Tween Academy has ended, but to continue talking tweens, you can visit Don’t Fret the Sweat on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/#!/DontFretTheSweat

Fostering Self-Esteem

Reinforce what makes them unique. During the tween years, your child will start to feel a greater need to belong and conform to be like their friends. While we want our kids to have friends, remind them of their strengths and the things that which make them special. For those tweens who try to be more like their friends instead of themselves, 70 percent admit that going back to school is stressful, compared to 49 percent of those kids who stay true to who they are.

Be mindful in family situations, too. Amanda at Parenting by Dummies said of her sons, “My husband tends to compare them to himself as a child & I have to remind him that they are NOT him. They are their own people.”

Be unwavering in your support. When children are confident of their parents’ love, admiration and respect, it will be easier for them to develop the solid self-esteem that they need to grow up happy and emotionally healthy.

“We are big on family dinners here. I also try to do things with my kids as individuals as much as possible,” said Kim at Crafty Mama of 4. “A little extra attention from mom and/or dad goes a long way to making a kid feel special.”

Be a good role model. Tweens learn to have healthy self-esteem by watching adults around them demonstrate healthy self-esteem. Try and avoid negative self-comments and watch the positive impact that it will not only have on you – but your child too!

Don’t let your own self-esteem issues from the tween years get in the way of helping your kids deal with their separate issues. When facing this dilemma, Rosalind Wiseman says to herself, “You are not Elijah” or “You are not Roane.” Then, “I remember my definition of self-esteem: confidence, competence, and connectedness in fairly equal measure.”

Leading by Example

Rosalind Wiseman made the point that demonstrating high self-esteem is the best way to help our kids develop confidence.

“One of the first and best ways is to look at how you yourself talk about things,” said Jenn at Frugal Upstate. “Do you lament being fat, or use a lot of negative verbiage when talking about yourself? If you do, then you are setting that example for your kids.”

Kayla S added, “When you have more than one child, you need to make sure you’re treating them differently. They aren’t the same person and one isn’t going to be good at the same things the other one is. I think that’s really important for self-esteem as well … for them to know they are their own person and they aren’t going to be compared to their sibling.”

Self-Esteem with Different Siblings

When you have children who are close in age with very different talents, it can create a crisis of self-esteem for one or more of them and a difficult situation for you.

“My oldest is having a hard time with his self esteem and school/sport performance,” said Amanda at Parenting by Dummies. “We are feeling uncomfortable about praising our other children when they do well because it makes him feel worse, it seems.”

“I would focus on specific things the older one is doing that you can point to as doing better – including how hard something was for him and now is incrementally better,” replied Rosalind Wiseman. “And our kids know us too well – if you have other children that are doing well, don’t lavish the praise on them or compare them, obviously, but don’t go the other extreme either, because that makes it even worse.”

“Everyone has different talents,” Jenn at Frugal Upstate pointed out. “As my mother in law says, ‘If we were all good at the same things, what a boring world it would be.’”

It’s Not About Perfection

A number of moms struggle with tweens expecting perfection from themselves at all times – and they get frustrated and discouraged when that isn’t the case.

Brandie said of her daughter, she “thinks if she can’t do it perfect the first time she must be stupid or something … it holds her back from trying.”

Melissa at Staten Island Family replied, “I always tell my daughter I WANT her to fail – so she’ll realize once it happens – life goes on – and that it’s not the end of the world!”

“I also think there is extraordinary value in failure that we often tend not to dive into because, well, we’ve failed,” agreed LaDonna. “In every failure there is a gift of learning for us, if we have the courage to open it and act on it.”

On the other hand, when kids have experienced plenty of failure, it’s important to strike a balance and help build them back up.

“For my son, he has a LOT of experience w/the failing part recently (he’s going through math intervention that has been particularly hard),” said Amanda at Parenting by Dummies. “We are trying to find things he is doing great at so we can praise those and he can see there is more to life than his math grade.”

Rosalind Wiseman advised telling a kid who is down on himself, “I can’t control what you say to yourself. Only you are in control of what you say to yourself. You are not stupid. If you feel like you can’t think right now, let’s take a break and do something that relaxes you and then go back to it.”

And when it comes to school and grades, Gina said of her daughter, “We are very careful to make sure the praise is about her doing her best and not doing THE best.”

Fitting in and Making Friends

Eventually your little girl or boy is going to reach a point when they are “too cool for mom,” as Lori said. It can be hurtful, but remember that it is part of the growing-up process, and they are trying to create their own identity with friends and peers.

“When she really needs you, she’ll call for you,” said Kate. “The fact that she is ready to be independent proves you did a good job raising her.”

When it comes to fitting in, however, if your child gets teased or excluded from activities, it can be almost as hard for you as it is for your tween.

“I read a year or so about how it’s good for our tweens to have different circles of friends – the school friends, sports friends, camp friends, or other circles – because they give the kids some insulation when issues might arise in one group,” said Emily of TheMotherhood.

“My kids have different circles of friends and I think it does help when there is drama in one of the groups,” agreed Kim at Crafty Mama of 4.

“What you’re looking for is for your children to have at least one strong friendship and friends they are developing around their interests,” recommended Rosalind Wiseman.

Helping Tweens Develop Their Interests

Often, kids have trouble making friends or set their sights on groups that are not interested in including them.

Kim said, “We live in a small neighborhood where two of her classmates are the only other kids of the same age in the area. The problem is the two other children exclude my daughter … who then sits inside and is very depressed and lonely.”

“This is a prime time for your daughter to develop friendships according to her interests,” advised Rosalind Wiseman. “You can’t make her friends, but you can put her in situations where she’s enjoying what she likes to do and then develop friends from there.”

Melissa at Staten Island Family suggested “enrolling her in after school classes where she might be able to meet new kids.”

Some examples of such activities include “girl scouts or dance. My teen made a lot of friends outside of the neighborhood circle by doing this,” said Jeannine M.

Rosalind Wiseman added, “Robotics class. Cartoon drawing class – a lot of community centers have those. Pottery class – because who doesn’t like to have a lump of clay in their hands. If you live by a zoo they often have after-school programs.”

And Sarah at Mar Vista Mom threw out, “tennis, swimming, martial arts.”

A number of participants suggested Girls on the Run, as well: http://www.girlsontherun.org/

Books that Might Help

To help your tweens through tough spots with friends and help them recognize supportive friendships, group participants suggested a number of books.

“My 11 year old liked the Maximum Ride series – strong female lead character and supportive friendships (mostly),” said Emily of TheMotherhood.

“I have one on my desk right here!!!!” said Rosalind Wiseman. “It’s a series of books called The Thinking Girl’s Treasury of Real Princesses. It’s all about powerful queens and princesses in real life.”

“As far as confident females go – I just LOVE the Anne of Green Gables books & movies,” suggested Jenn at Frugal Upstate. “Anne was most definitely herself – which was quite different from all her peers. She made mistakes but learned from them and grew into an amazing woman.”

For parents, Trisha at 24/7 MOMS said, “The Key to your Child’s Heart by Gary Smalley was a great book to read about raising confident children,” and she also recommended “Fill a Bucket: A Guide to Daily Happiness for the Young Child.”

Physical Appearance

Being a tween and going through physical changes and challenges is hard enough on self-esteem – the last thing girls need is criticism about their weight or appearance.

“My almost 8 yr old daughter is a teeny thing, and yet she recently told me she wishes she was as skinny as her friend,” said Gina. “I try very hard to not focus on appearance (especially weight), but they seem to get it from everywhere. It’s hard.”

“I think it’s harder on the girls – they get such unrealistic expectations from TV, movies & magazines,” agreed Jenn at Frugal Upstate.

Rather than focusing on beauty and appearance all the time, remember to praise girls (and boys!) for their character, intelligence and other attributes.

“Write her notes and put them in her lunch focusing on her character – or mail her letters,” suggested Trisha at 24/7 MOMS. “My teen daughter was gone at a camp over the weekend and I placed a card in her suitcase as soon as she was home she thanked me for it saying she read it over and over again.”

Praise is Important

Trisha at 24/7 MOMS shared a quote from Alvin Price and asked others for their thoughts: “Parents need to fill a child’s bucket of self-esteem so high that the rest of the world can’t poke enough holes to drain it dry.”

“I’m in agreement with this,” said Sarah at Mar Vista Mom. “It’s not about not disciplining your kids. But to be the ones who love them even if their hair’s a mess or if they don’t have the right clothes – that’s our job, I feel.”

“My house is not a cruel place. We are not the rest of the world,” said Brandie of creating a safe haven for her kids. “We are (I hope) the safe place to land when the rest of the world is a crappy place to be. Because let’s face it, we all have days where the rest of the world sucks.”

“I think it’s the people who ONLY praise their kids that people have a problem with. You need to balance it with the fact that they aren’t always going to succeed at everything and that’s okay,” said temysmom. “You need to teach your kids how to deal with disappointment.”

But Don’t Overdo It

Building self-esteem with empty praise and sentiments like “everyone is a winner” does come at a price.

“I think it hurts them,” said Kim at Crafty Mama of 4. “Someday they are going to fail and they need to learn how to do that, they need to learn how to handle it and we need to teach them.”

Agreed Gina, “We can encourage them and help with their self-esteem without going overboard. I think at a younger age, it is more important to let them try things and be rewarded for simply trying. As they get older, they understand more.”

Along those lines, Jenn at Frugal Upstate pointed out, “Kids aren’t stupid, and they know if they really aren’t good at something. So if you tell them they are fantastic when they really aren’t, won’t that lead them to distrust any praise from you?”

“There is a HUGE difference between empty praise (You do such a good job breathing!) and true self esteem,” said Indiana.

“Effort should be rewarded but I think it is totally more than fine to let kids be competitive, learn to win ethically and tolerate losing,” concluded Rosalind Wiseman.

Remind Your Kids of Your Unconditional Love

Regardless of their successes or missteps, it is important to remind your kids that your “love is unconditional, but that doesn’t mean you can’t correct behavior,” as Sarah at Mar Vista Mom said. Even when you are angry with your child, you want them to know you love them always.

“My husband always says to our kids – ‘Do you know what I like about you?’ They say tons of things, then he says ‘EVERYTHING,’” said Trisha at 24/7 MOMS. “He then says, ‘Do you know what I would change about you?’ … again they say tons of things, he says, ‘NOTHING’ … just a little ‘I love who you are’ confidence builder.”

Thank you!!!

We would like to extend a heartfelt thanks to Rosalind Wiseman for lending her wisdom and experience to our four Tween Academy classes, and to Unilever for being our amazing sponsor and making this all possible! And finally, thank-you to our final set of wonderful blogger co-hosts:

Melissa, The Staten Island Family

Sarah, Mar Vista Mom

Trisha, 24/7 MOMS

Kim, Crafty Mama of 4

Amanda, Parenting by Dummies

Jenn, Frugal Upstate

Don’t Fret the Sweat on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/#!/DontFretTheSweat

See the original Talk here: http://tmotherhood.wpengine.com/talk/show/id/62267

Tweens and Communication

October 4, 2011 by The Motherhood

On October 4, 2011, moms arrived at the third of four Tween Academy classes ready to talk about communicating with tweens – and it was a HOT topic. Questions, ideas and suggestions flew during the hour-long discussion.

The class was led by Rosalind Wiseman, parenting expert and New York Times bestselling author of Queen Bees and Wannabes, along with six blogger co-hosts. Rosalind will also be appearing on Anderson Cooper’s Town Hall show to talk about bullying on Oct. 9 and 14 at 8 p.m. ET, so check your local listings!

As a parent, it can be easy to think your child isn’t listening to you, but they are, and they need to know that you’re listening, too. According to the Unilever Tween Confidence Index, commissioned by fabulous Tween Academy sponsor Unilever’s partnering deodorant brands, the more tweens value talking to their parents, the higher self-confidence they’ll have.

But when it feels like they are disregarding your every word, it helps to get some sympathy and suggestions from other parents. As Dana said during the chat, it’s “nice to get ideas and know that you are not alone in the tween/teen zone.”

To be part of an ongoing discussion, you can visit Don’t Fret the Sweat on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/#!/DontFretTheSweat

And join us next week, October 11 at noon ET, to discuss Tweens and Building Self-Esteem!

Keeping Open Lines of Communication

Focus on listening. Often children confide in their parents to vent, not to get advice. Unless there is immediate physical danger, when your child tells you something, really listen. Many children are reluctant to share problems with their parents because they’re worried their parents will “freak out.”

Start with the small stuff. If you can talk to your kids at the start of puberty about growth spurts, body odor and deodorant, they will come to you later for bigger life moments and issues. Supporting research shows that confidence and self-esteem begins to decline as tweens transition to their teenage years (age 13-17), underscoring the importance of continual communication.

Thank them for sharing their problem with you. Reaching out to their parents is difficult for many kids, so it’s important to recognize this effort as you want to be a resource for your child in the future.

Overcoming Communication Challenges

Parents worry about a number of issues when it comes to communicating with their kids as they grow older and become quieter and less open.

“Keeping the honesty going is what I worry about,” said 1MomJustSaying, and Kailani at An Island Life said she struggles with “just getting my daughter to open up and talk to me.”

Dana sympathized, “Sometimes I wonder if he even hears me. I just get a blank look.”

You can find creative solutions to get through to your tween. Suggested Michele at Scraps of My Geek Life, “I use the technology to my advantage! Sometimes it’s easier for them to communicate using the phone so we text!”

And Kayla S had a low-tech version of the same idea. “Before cell phones (*GASP*), my mother and I would write letters to each other when the communication was hard,” she said. “That way, you can focus on what you want to say and get it out easier. It gives you time to think.”

To get kids to talk in more than a single syllable, “ask open ended questions. Not a yes or no answer. That helps us a ton,” said Carmen at Mom to the Screaming Masses. A few examples from the community:

Who did you sit with at lunch?

What did your teacher say about this?

Who ran with you in cross-country practice?

Did you have band today?

Do you like this band teacher more than the one last year?

How was your day?

Did you do anything fun?

And a few suggestions from Rosalind Wiseman, who asks “something specific but not oriented toward a task or achievement” to get her kids talking:

Anything unusually interesting happen today?

What was the weirdest thing that happened in school today?

What was the most interesting or surprising thing on the test?

“I get better answers when I’m more specific,” agreed Michele at Scraps of My Geek Life.

If the kids are being really unresponsive, “sometimes you just have to take a break. You know how sometimes you don’t want to talk with your hubby, but later it’s ok?” explained Carmen at Mom to the Screaming Masses.

Letting Tweens Know You’re on Their Side

Our kids often don’t understand that we are thinking of their best interests when we ask them to do something. In many cases, opening up and laying your cards on the table might be the very thing that convinces them that you’re trying to help.

To illustrate, Rosalind shared an example of how her 11-year-old son refused to shower one day. Finally, she told him, ‘Look, you and I will have about a million battles of wills in my lifetime. This shouldn’t be one of them. I am saying this to you because your body is changing, you need to take care of yourself, and you know that X kid in your class loves to tease people about anything he can and this is one of the ways kids embarrass each other. So this is not a battle of wills between you and me.’ Then she left. It worked – he took a shower.

“Those conversations usually start when I lay it all out and say, ‘here’s the deal….’” agreed Deborah.

“I LOVE that. So important to let them know that you’re on the same team,” said Becky Gillespie.

“Plus you walked away and let him internalize it – made it into his decision instead of forcing him ‘at gunpoint,’ so to speak,” added Sarah Auerswald.

Don’t make every teaching moment a battle of wills, and recognize when you and your tween have stopped listening to each other. “That’s the kind of honesty – about listening – that kids love. Some people worry that this takes away from our authority as parents. I disagree. I think it really shows them how and why to respect us as their parents,” said Rosalind Wiseman.

Competing with Technology for Attention

Cell phones and other technology can be one major battle of wills in the parent-tween relationship. While some moms use them to get kids’ attention and communicate, others struggle with tearing their tweens away from the devices.

“We prohibit texting one another in the house. We feel it doesn’t foster good conversations,” said Kristin at Only Parent Chronicles.

And Carmen at Mom to the Screaming Masses cited “getting my kids to put down the phones and listen to ME” as a communication barrier.

Sometimes you have to fight fire with fire. “If they keep looking at their phone, text them something like, ‘What’s so interesting?’ or repeat your actual question in a text. They may laugh it off and set the phone down,” suggested Dwan at Momma D Jane.

“I do find that when the cell phone is left at home, like on a family outing, we have a much better time,” Sandra said of her daughter. “She is more aware of her surroundings and participates with the family instead of being a by-stander with fingers glued to the phone.”

Make sure your kids are old enough to use a cell phone responsibly before rewarding them with one.

Rosalind Wiseman said, “I don’t think children should have cell phones until they are consistently going places on their own. When they go into large groups of people (concerts, an event the family goes to) I think it makes sense for kids to carry a cell phone [for safety], but that doesn’t mean they have to have their own.”

Privacy is a Privilege

When your kids do start using cell phones and open a Facebook account, you can – and often should – monitor their behavior.

“My twelve year old son has a cell phone, and I have told him that his texts are not private and I will periodically review them. I feel very uncomfortable doing this, but I feel less comfortable with him engaging in these kinds of communications without any supervision,” said Meryl.

Kristin at Only Parent Chronicles responded, “My kids got their cell phones with the understanding I could view their texts on demand. My daughter lost hers a year ago for sending inappropriate texts bullying another girl.”

Heather G laid ground rules right away when her daughter got a cell phone: “Phone stays off after 8pm in the kitchen, no Internet, no MMS (pictures), we have the right at any time to read her texts, we approve all address book adds.”

Some moms reported that their kids began deleting texts as soon as sending or receiving them to avoid punishment. Michele at Scraps of My Geek Life noted, “I told my kids that NOTHING is ever completely erased from their phones even when you hit delete.”

When it comes to Facebook, “My kids have to wait until 13,” said Carmen at Mom to the Screaming Masses, which is the age stipulated by Facebook’s Terms of Service. “And I have your password until you are old enough to demonstrate you can be adult enough about it, and I’ve changed the password if someone needs to be reminded to behave appropriately.”

Jen at Jael Custom Designs said, “Facebook is another way I’ve caught my kids. I’ve had to tell them to erase a few status updates. I closely monitor those as well.”

Rosalind Wiseman summed it up when she said, “If you use social networking like FB, FB says ‘connecting you to the world.’ It doesn’t say, ‘connecting you to everyone but the people you don’t want to see your postings on a moment to moment basis.’ If your child wants privacy, give them a journal and tell them to put it under their bed.”

Tough Conversations

Puberty, privacy, simply getting your kids to open up about their lives – those are all tough conversations, as are many topics you address with tweens. But there are other conversations to consider that may be a bit more off the beaten path.

“The most difficult thing for me is getting them to see where they’ve made a mistake. My kids are stubborn and never, ever wrong,” joked Carmen at Mom to the Screaming Masses.

And Kristin at Only Parent Chronicles said, in a similar vein, “The most difficult conversations to have with my kids revolve around personal accountability.”

No one loves to admit they were wrong or take the blame for their actions, but it is an important part of growing up. Sometimes tough love is the only way to get that message across.

“I was always worried about my son getting bad grades, so I would run his book to school that he left at home, or I would over-help on a project,” said Dana. “Then I got tired of him not learning or even being appreciative of what I was doing, so I stopped. It was really hard, but after facing a couple of tough consequences he did finally start to show more responsibility and appreciation.”

Being There When They Need You

Sometimes your children will be visibly upset but refuse to tell you what’s wrong. It can be especially hard to face an uncommunicative tween when tears are involved.

“My daughter will be obviously upset about something – crying even – and sit there and tell me everything’s fine. I don’t want to push too hard, but yet, how do I get her to open up in those moments? Or do I wait ‘til she’s ready to come to me?” said Brandie.

The group consensus was “leaving her alone for awhile but letting her know I’m there whenever she wants to talk. Works 99% of the time,” as indiana said.

“I often will just sit with them. Quietly – no questions. It has worked a few times,” added Deborah.

Sometimes it’s better to let them be. “I leave her alone for awhile and let her cry it out. I found she is more responsive to talking after she gets the tears out,” said Jeannine M.

Rosalind Wiseman suggested saying, “’Look, I respect your privacy, and I can’t make you tell me. I just want you to know everyone at some point has a problem that is too big to deal with alone. And asking for help or talking to someone is not weak. If you can’t talk to me, is there some other person who you think is smart enough and I think has good values, that you can talk to? Like my sister, brother, mom, favorite neighbor across the street, etc.’”

Agreed Jen at Jael Custom Designs, “My kids are good about going to an aunt or uncle to talk if they don’t want to open up to me about a particular subject. Sometimes I’m bothered by it, but at least they’re talking AND my sister and brother-in-laws always keep me in the loop.”

Keeping Your Cool

When your kids finally start talking, you might not be thrilled with what they have to say. But a big negative reaction will only make them clam up again.

“I’ve had to practice not overreacting with my teen when she tells me ‘not so great’ stories about some of her friends. This has helped her continue to open up to me and discuss their actions,” said Dwan at Momma D Jane.

“When I’m angry, I talk at them and not to them and that results in not being a good listener,” added Jen at Jael Custom Designs.

Suggested 1MomJustSaying, “We have learned that controlling one’s tone when speaking is the key to keeping the conversation from escalating to an aggressive state.”

And while it can be tough to swallow, remember that your kids won’t always agree with you. “It seems like as my daughter gets older, I lose a little credibility because she is exposed to other people’s opinions. That is a good thing and I want her to form her own opinions, but I guess I don’t want to feel like she disregards my opinions,” said Kate B. “Staying a trusted confidante without going too much into friend territory is something I worry about sometimes.”

Remembering Not to Limit Communication

You can remain a trusted confidante by being open to talking about anything and everything with your tween, and not telling them to stop when they open up.

“I have trained myself to listen to EVERY story my 12 yo daughter tells me. Even though it may be so boring and long winded,” said 1MomJust Saying. “My feeling is that if I stop her from talking then she will.”

If they’re shy, let them know they don’t have to tell you absolutely everything.

Rosalind Wiseman suggested, “For private kids I always tell them that they don’t have to tell me 100% but if they could give me 30% that would be awesome. I also think it is really important to overwhelm them with questions. If they have a hard time with something and are telling you the MOST important thing to say is ‘I am so sorry that happened to you, thank you for telling me and together we are going to think this through.’”

And while you should always be a parent to your child rather than their friend, your relationship doesn’t have to be lopsided.

Said Becky Gillespie, “My best tool with my daughter is when we’re able to share a level playing field – we both have something to add and she doesn’t feel like it’s another lecture. Books are huge for us. We read the same book, then talk about it.”

Resources

Sandra shared an article on raising girls: http://www.dotcomsformoms.com/10-top-resources-for-raising-girls

From Carmen at Mom to the Screaming Masses – create a Mind Jar to help your kids de-stress: http://www.herewearetogether.com/?p=2054

Nails in the Fence – a story to help your kids understand that angry words hurt: http://www.care2.com/greenliving/nails-in-fence-anger-story.html

Thank you!!!

A BIG thanks to Rosalind Wiseman to lending her parenting expertise to our Tween Academy classes, and to Unilever for being our sponsor and making this all possible! Another thank-you to our fabulous blogger co-hosts:

Carmen, Mom to the Screaming Masses

Jen, Jael Custom Designs

Michele, Scraps of My Geek Life

Kailani, An Island Life

Kristin, Only Parent Chronicles

Dwan, MommaDJane

Don’t Fret the Sweat on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/#!/DontFretTheSweat

See the original Talk here: http://tmotherhood.wpengine.com/talk/show/id/62266

Tweens and Personal Hygiene

September 28, 2011 by The Motherhood

Tween Academy continued with the second of four classes on September 28, 2011, and the topic of the week was tween hygiene. Moms arrived at the Unilever-sponsored class in TheMotherhood ready to exchange ideas and stories for cleaning up their kids’ act.

“Can’t wait to hear about all of your experiences! I made sure to put on a ton of deodorant,” joked Deborah at VodkaMom.

Rosalind Wiseman, parenting expert and New York Times bestselling author of Queen Bees and Wannabes, led the class with help from six blogger co-hosts.

During the tween years, increased hormones are starting to cause noticeable differences in your child’s body, and it’s important to talk to your tween to help them understand these changes. Growth spurts and developing body odors are totally normal at this age – and you can help them through those issues.

As Rosalind said, “We love our children, but we don’t have to love their stink! Personally, my younger son’s soccer cleats could be used as a weapon of mass destruction!”

To be part of an ongoing discussion, you can visit Don’t Fret the Sweat on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/#!/DontFretTheSweat

Discussing Physical Changes with Tweens

Respect their privacy. Don’t ever say anything around their friends or in any public place. Ever. Be patient.

Keep it light. If you’ve already noticed a new odor in his or her clothes, find a gentle, upbeat way to talk about some new things they might want to do now that their bodies are growing into adulthood. Think about how you felt when you were his or her age. You may want to share a funny memory about you or a classmate. Start the conversation and give your tween an opportunity to react.

Give them a say. Ask them if they want to go to the store with you to buy deodorant or other personal hygiene products for them or if they want you to do it. If they want you to do it, casually tell them what you bought and where they can find the items when you return.

Helping Tweens Develop Good Habits

“It’s really hard to convince the kids that they smell bad. They don’t get it… or they don’t care,” pointed out Carolyn, This Talk Ain’t Cheap.

As the parent of an oblivious tween, one of your toughest jobs is to convince your child in the nicest way possible that he or she needs to shower regularly and wear deodorant. And not go overboard on the smell-masking products.

Noted Latricia, One Stop Mom, “A little goes a long way with body mists and perfume … My 9-year-old drowns herself in it.”

One solution for heavy scents: Suggest to your tween that he or she spritz their perfume/cologne/body spray once in the air in front of them and walk through it. It won’t smell quite so overpowering.

“What I worry about for tweens is that so many of them are reaching puberty faster and BO is one of the first and really painful ways kids tease each other. So it’s really important to talk to our kids,” said Rosalind Wiseman.

“It’s a tricky line between educating them and making them self-conscious,” added Mary Davis, Everyday Baby Steps. Sometimes the solution is taking small steps and creating new routines.

Carolyn at This Talk Ain’t Cheap said, “I think getting your kids into the habit of regular bathing is the key. If the habit is to shower every night then you don’t have as many stinky issues.”

And with her own daughter, LoraK “keeps setting the deodorant right by her clothes or her toothbrush” to get the point across.

Showering Regularly

Habitual bathing can help eliminate BO problems, but only when your tween actually cooperates – and to keep smells at bay during the day, deodorant is key.

“Showers aren’t the issue, it happens each night. It’s proper cleaning!” said indiana.

“I was just talking to my 10 year old about it,” said gottalovemom. “Last night, I actually showed him how to take a shower. I told him, I won’t look. Hopefully it worked!”

And a thorough washing should include hair scrubbing. “My son washes his hair every day when he takes a shower. I buy bodywash that can be used for hair and body. This definitely makes it easier,” suggested Latricia at One Stop Mom.

On the other hand, some tweens like showering a bit too much. Jeannine M. explained, “Mine is in there for almost 30 mins. I have tried a timer to get her to cut back, but she showers through it.”

Agreed Stacie, The Divine Miss Mommy, “Sometimes I have to go in and turn off the water on my 9 year old. This is after several warnings and around 45 minutes of water.”

Convincing kids to shower when they don’t want to – or to cut back on showering when they love it – can be tough. A few suggestions for cutting back:

Help your tween create a 10-minute play list of favorite pop songs. When the songs end, she’ll know to get out of the shower.

If they’re environmentally conscious, remind them that they’re wasting 2.5 gallons of water for each minute they’re in the shower.

Set a schedule – for example, if she isn’t out of the shower and ready by a certain time, she has to make her own breakfast.

Dealing with Problem Hair

Getting kids to wash their hair on a regular basis to avoid the greasy look can be just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to handling hair problems. For girls, knots and tangles can be a painful issue, too.

“I have a great hair tip I just learned from my hairdresser,” shared Carolyn at This Talk Ain’t Cheap. “I know my girls like to use a ton of conditioner and hairspray. That builds up and causes lots of tangles in their hair. When they shower… rub a handful of baking soda into their hair… then use shampoo as normal… and the baking soda takes all the waxy build-up right off the hair. No more knots. It’s amazing.”

Said Deb at Mom of 3 Girls, “I just reviewed a product called the Knot Genie – it’s been amazing to use on my 8yo’s long hair. It doesn’t totally get rid of tangles/crying but it is so much easier to use and she doesn’t resist brushing her hair like she did before. I would totally recommend it!”

“We love John Frieda’s serum. (Any of them work.) My daughter had the same issue. If you put it on her hair wet and come it out. I promise it will stay out of knots. That was the first thing my daughter said. Mom…no knots!” added Tammy.

And as boys and girls enter puberty, facial, underarm and leg hair can also become a source of self-consciousness you need to address.

Shaving

While necessity often dictates when boys begin shaving, girls are more likely to begin feeling social pressure to shave their legs as they get older.

Deborah said she thinks it “totally depends on the boy. Some of my son’s friends began shaving at 13 and some still don’t (at 17)…and don’t need to. My son shaves just a few times a week. My younger son will undoubtedly begin sooner.”

Meanwhile, “with girls the decision of when to begin shaving is one that must be decided on the family level rather than following a general guideline,” said You ARE Loved. “However, please keep in mind that if she has hair and is self-conscious it is worth considering – regardless of her ‘tween age’ at the time. Girls can be quite cruel to one another in these years.”

“Self-esteem is such an issue,” agreed Deborah at VodkaMom. “This is why I felt that the shaving thing was a battle I wouldn’t be involved in. If it made them feel better about themselves, then great.”

It’s important to let your kids know that they can approach you with this issue when they are ready. Sneaking mom and dad’s sharp straight-edge razors can be dangerous – it’s often easier and safer to start your tweens with electric razors, which are less likely to cut them.

Convincing Tweens to Brush Their Teeth

Tooth-brushing is an activity that often gets a lot of complaints – and it can be like pulling teeth to get kids to do it in the morning AND the evening. Moms had a few suggestions for encouraging good brushing behavior.

“I got small dry-erase boards from the dollar store and have magnets that they stick by each item to ‘check’ it off every time. So far it’s really helping!” said Deb, Mom of 3 Girls.

We do the breath test. The kids have to breathe on me… which they never do because I just have to ask them and they run to the bathroom to brush,” added Carolyn at This Talk Ain’t Cheap.

Suggested Jeannine M., “I make her brush at the same time I do. We also set an alarm in her room to remind her.”

And Stacie at The Divine Miss Mommy has “a reward system. When they do chores and things like brush their teeth, etc, they get stars in return to put on a chart.”

Tackling Stink at School

After heavy activity at school during recess or gym class, tweens might need to freshen up.

“Especially for the kids who are on the later stages of tweendom – 11 and 12 – I think its a really good idea to give them the travel sizes [of personal hygiene products like deodorant] so they can put one in their school locker for emergencies, one in their sports bag, and one in their bathroom,” suggested Rosalind Wiseman.

Some teachers are also particularly understanding.

“Many I work with have a drawer of things like deodorant, sanitary pads for girls, etc. It’s these seemingly small things that make the difference between a tween feeling comfortable in school or not,” said Rosalind Wiseman.

Helping Girls through Puberty

These days, girls are reaching puberty at an earlier age, and you should be prepared to discuss these physical changes with her.

“I have talked to my girls about this. I have found it easier to be blunt about these topics. My kids like it that way because they are ok asking me almost anything,” said Latricia at One Stop Mom.

Others might not feel comfortable talking so openly.

“I think mothers can really worry and freak out a little about how young their daughters develop – especially if it’s younger than when they did. But if your child is starting to go through puberty (and BO is one of the first signs), then you have to go where she is,” said Rosalind Wiseman.

“My girls have definitely started developing much earlier than I did,” said Carolyn at This Talk Ain’t Cheap. And Mary at Everyday Baby Steps agreed, “My daughter carries pads with her at almost 11yo because some of her friends have gotten their periods. Adds another level to the hygiene issue.”

“One of my friends suggested girls wearing bike shorts (or something similar) to help them feel comfortable with a pad on” when they first get their period, said Tammy.

And indiana added, “The school nurse is an excellent resource. I tell my daughter (she has a male teacher) ask to go see the nurse. Say it’s personal. The teacher will get it!”

To help explain physical changes and hygiene issues to your daughter, you can seek out resources in your community.

“At my 10yo’s checkup last spring, our pediatrician gave her a copy of the Care & Keeping of You book from American Girl – it’s been a great resource for her (and me)!” said Deb at Mom of 3 Girls. Agreed Carolyn at This Talk Ain’t Cheap, “It talks about everything from brushing your teeth to using tampons.”

“We took a puberty workshop through Girl Scouts and it was VERY helpful. Presented in a way that the girls were not embarrassed – they had fun,” added Stacy.

And You ARE Loved said, “We are glad to be a resource. If anyone has menstrual questions — please ask freely. You can be in touch through our contact us link.” Here is the link: http://you-are-loved.org/contact-us/

Pat Yourself on the Back!

Participating in this chat, reading the summary, or seeking out resources of any kind to help your tween through the tough transition years demonstrates how much you care!

Said Carolyn at This Talk Ain’t Cheap, “This is so great that we are all having this conversation about helping our tweens through this time of their lives. Our kids are lucky to have us.”

Thank you!!!

Deb, Mom of 3 Girls
Carolyn, This Talk Ain’t Cheap
Mary, Everyday Baby Steps
Stacie, Divine Miss Mommy
Deborah, Vodkamom
Latricia, 1 Stop Mom

Don’t Fret the Sweat on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/#!/DontFretTheSweat

See the original Talk here: http://tmotherhood.wpengine.com/talk/show/id/62265