There’s an Internet Hall of Fame … and Other Interesting Web News

Winning the Chore War: How to Get Kids to Help Around the House

April 19, 2012 by The Motherhood

So, how are the chore wars going around your house? We do not have them over at my place. That is because a “war” involves engagement from both sides. At my house, one side mutters, “For the love of Pete, how can you get dirty clothes over every square inch of your room and STILL miss the hamper?” and the other side stares with confusion and mild concern, as if his mother were having some sort of nervous breakdown in Portuguese.

Today in The Motherhood, Dr. Deborah Gilboa of Ask Dr. G was joined by a panel of expert moms, including Mysti Reutlinger, Jessica Torres, Kimberly, Jennifer A. Hall, and Stefanie Mullen to discuss all things to do with our kids’ chores.

Why Bother?

First off, why do we even have our kids do chores? After all, much of the time, by the time we finish telling our kids what to do (the first time) we could have done it ourselves. Many of us agreed with Kimberly, who has her kids do chores to learn responsibility, and with Jessica, who also likes them to learn to help around the house. Mysti wants her kids to learn the value of contribution, and Cooper added that she wants her kids to feel like “part of a team.”

Most of the panelists have their kids do chores that help the whole family, like unloading the dishwasher, rather than just picking up after themselves. That supports the concept that we do chores because we’re part of a family, part of a team. When one of my kids complains (usually about picking up a sibling’s stuff), my response is, “Hey, I don’t wear your underwear, but I wash it.”

Dr. G offered another benefit of chore participation: “As kids get older they usually distance themselves from the family. This is a great way to show them how integral they are to the family unit, and keep them connected. Even if they don’t like it, everyone likes to be needed.”

When to Start?

How old does a child have to be to have chores? Not very, it turns out, as long as the chores they have are age-appropriate. For example, most of our panel started teaching their kids to pick up and put away toys as soon as they were able to walk (the kids, not the toys; if the toys could walk they could put themselves away). Dr. G offers free resources, including a chart showing appropriate chores by age. With toddlers, singing “Clean Up, Clean Up, Everybody Clean Up” can be an effective cue to start picking up. With teenagers, Deborah pointed out, it can be even more effective, because they will do anything to get their mom to stop singing. Hey, whatever works.

Deborah made another excellent point: “Asking a child to do a specific chore without actually teaching that chore, is a lesson in defeat. Some chores have to be taught many times. ” The panel echoed her sentiments, and Mysti said, “We try to introduce only one new chore per month that requires learning. That gives us ample time to reinforce how the process progresses.” Dr. G affirmed that while it would be faster to do a given chore ourselves, it’s “still important to teach each skill and then “let” them practice until they move out!” I agree–the hour I spent showing my son, step by step, how to clean a bathroom was some of the best time I’ve ever invested.

To Pay, or Not to Pay?

So, do you pay your kids for their chores? Or do you think allowance and chores should be kept separate? The panel and participants had varying opinions. Dr. G said, “I think tying allowance to chores gives the false idea that chores are optional – the child could always give up the (money) and opt out of helping.” Jennifer felt that kids should be rewarded for doing their chores; Jessica ties chores to a point system, with her daughter being allowed to choose a reward after she’d gotten a certain number of points. Mysti doesn’t give an allowance for chores, but uses a work-hard, play-hard model: “Once a month, we let the kids decide a fun outing as a reward for all their hard work.”

Kimberly offered, “We do give an allowance for chores. It’s not a lot though, as we do feel that there should be some responsibility at home.” Stefanie said, “We keep it separate in our house. You do chores because you live here and should contribute.” Other panelists were on board with that rationale, though most agreed that they would pay the child for doing a bigger task that wasn’t a part of their regular chores.

Dr. G noted, “We do have consequences for not helping, but don’t reward for helping. We praise and appreciate (and ask them to notice what we do for them).” And really, isn’t that something we all want?

Making it Easier

We all know words are powerful, and the word “chore” is powerfully unappealing: it just sounds like drudgery. Dr. G recommended taking a poll around the dinner table to rename the concept to make it easier to deal with. “Tidying,” for example, sounds a little more quick and brisk.

Many of us struggle with whining from kids who don’t want to do chores, or having to repeatedly remind kids to do them. Stefanie said that getting kids in the habit of doing their chores from a young age helps: “We started them young and now they just do it because it is what they do.” If you didn’t start early, though, don’t fret; it’s never too late to learn. Missing out on a fun activity or use of a game or toy can be a consequence for not getting a chore done. And Dr. G says that the imposition of an additional task to do can be an effective consequence for whining about chores.

In the end, as Stefanie said, “Doing chores around the house is more about teaching my kids to be responsible adults as they prepare to leave my house than forcing them to do work.” Raising good adults–that’s number one on every mom’s to-do list. Teaching our kids to do some of the other stuff frees us up to do it.

Keeping Our Kids Safe

April 17, 2012 by The Motherhood

When I was a child, back in the last millennium, child safety advice consisted of four words that all my friends and I had impressed upon us: “Don’t talk to strangers.”

Our parents believed telling us that would keep us safe, and we did too. We never talked about what a “stranger” looked or acted like, or the fact that someone we didn’t think of as a stranger might do us harm. We really weren’t taught what to do if we did find ourselves in danger, or what to do afterward.

Fortunately, the conversation about child safety has evolved. Today in The Motherhood, Kidpower safety experts Irene van der Zande and Dr. Amy Tiemann (Mojo Mom), along with panelists Amy McCready, Linda Criddle, and Renee Trudeau , talked about empowering our kids to stay safe and confident, both online and in the real world.

Why “Don’t Talk to Strangers” Isn’t Enough

Linda Criddle presented a sobering statistic: Over 90% of exploitation is by someone the child knows. That’s why, Dr. Amy Tiemann said, the emphasis must be on making the distinction between appropriate, safe behavior and unsafe behavior, no matter who someone is. Irene van der Zande urged that “kids need skills” to deal with whatever dangerous situations they might encounter. She offered these five basic rules for kids to remember:

Use your awareness.
Check and think first.
Move out of reach of trouble.
Set boundaries.
Be persistent in getting help.

“The fear of being rude can hold us back from being safe.”

As a child, were you ever urged forward by a parent to hug or kiss a relative when you really didn’t feel like it? I was, and I admit to having done the same with my own kids; it’s important to me, and to a lot of parents, that our kids be polite, that they respect their elders.

The problem is that emphasizing politeness in that way can teach kids to discount their own feelings of discomfort, that intuition that tells them that a situation may not be safe. Dr. Amy Tiemann says, “Politeness can be a stumbling block to acting in our own safety interest. I love Kidpower’s founding principle, ‘Safety is more important than anyone’s embarrassment, inconvenience, or offense – your own or someone else’s.'”

And let’s face it: most adults who have kids’ best interests at heart would understand that, or could be helped to understand. Dr. Amy Tiemann reminds us, “If you can get aunts, uncles, grandparents, to be allies in respecting boundaries, that is very helpful. This can be a touchy subject sometimes but if we can let grandparents know it’s not personal about them, but teaching kids that we respect their boundaries, we’re really all on the same side.”

Irene says that a child can be taught to respond to unwanted hugs and kisses by saying, “I like you, and I don’t want to hug you right now.” Also, a child can offer alternatives to a hug, “No, thanks! But I’ll show you my rabbit!” These are some simple ways we can help a child maintain his or her boundaries without being rude. Irene advises, “Having parental backup and practice makes all the difference in the ability to use a skill in real life.”

Having the “Big Talk,” and Other Mistakes

Renee Trudeau asked the rest of the panel, “What are some of the most common missteps you see … when it comes to talking about or teaching boundaries?” Irene responded, “Parents either make the topic scary or avoid it. Kids don’t need to know details of how they might be harmed – they just need to know what to do.” Amy McCready and Dr. Amy Tiemann concurred that having one “big talk” about safety is both more frightening and less effective than weaving the topic into everyday conversations and making it an ongoing dialogue.

Linda Criddle added that by emphasizing “stranger danger,” we neglect to let our kids know that no one has the right to touch them in certain ways. Irene helpfully offered a way to help kids think about touch: “Kidpower teaches that touch for play, teasing, and affection should be a choice, safe, allowed by the adults in charge, and never a secret! Touch for health and safety is sometimes NOT a child’s choice, but is never, ever a secret,” and Dr. Amy Tiemann offered the following rules to share with kids:

KIDPOWER SAFETY RULES ABOUT PRIVATE AREAS:

Your private areas are the parts of your body that can be covered by a bathing suit. For play or teasing, other people should not try to touch your private areas and they should not try to get you to touch their private areas.

Sometimes adults need to touch your private areas for health or safety, but this should never be a secret.

People should not show you pictures in magazines, or on the computer, or in movies about people touching their private areas.

The beauty of these rules: they are clear, they are definite, and they are simple enough for even small kids to understand.

Safety as a Collaborative Effort

I loved what Linda Criddle had to say about working together with our kids to keep them safe: “Safety isn’t something you can effectively impose on anyone over the age of ten. Effective safety is something families do together because everyone has a vested interest in being safe. If youth don’t buy into your family’s safety goals they’ll quickly find ways around them. Fortunately, youth have a basic sense of self preservation most of the time. They don’t want to be had or ripped off or abused by some scammer, thief, or other type of predator. ” If we can tap into that sense, and work with it, we can help our kids develop the skills they need.

Knowledge is Power: More Resources

Doing Right By Our Kids: Protecting Child Safety at all Levels of Society (to the right of the page, you can sign up to get the “Talking About Touch and Boundaries” Starter Kit)

Kidpower.org

Dr. Amy Tiemann’s blog post, “No Forced Kisses for Your Kids“

What’s Your Signature Cocktail?

April 12, 2012 by The Motherhood

We all have that default drink we order – or make – every single time we get together with friends for cocktails.

Maybe it’s because you know you like it, and “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it,” as they say. Or maybe you just haven’t been inspired to try something new. If that’s the case, keep reading for delicious ideas to help you branch out.

Ilina Ewen, blogger at Dirt & Noise and creator of 5:00 Fridays, a blog feature that offers a new drink recipe each week, hosted a great group of women in The Motherhood today, all sharing their best tips on stocking your home bar, entertaining guests and creating delicious adult beverages for a crowd – or just for you.

Stocking Up

If your liquor cabinets are bare, you need to stock up before you can really get started in cocktail experimentation. Ilina provides a handy list of basics here – including “basic white liquors, variety of juices, ginger ale, cola, tonic, lemons/limes.”

And if you want to make it a group affair, try hosting a Stock the Bar party like Kristy of The Wicked Noodle and get your friends involved. Encourage them to think outside the box (or bar cart, rather), too – fun ingredients like herbs and simple syrups are great additions to cocktails.

Prepping to Entertain

Having a party and inviting all of your friends over can be a lot of fun – but massive amounts of cleaning and generally “making it such a hassle sometimes prevents me from even wanting to have friends over,” as Emily of Mommin’ It Up pointed out.

Luckily, “I believe in stress-free entertaining and think it can be done to be easy but look special,” said Ilina.

One of her suggestions for easy entertaining? “I did a champagne bar for our 14th annual Christmas Eve party, and it was a huge hit. The best thing about this idea is that guests can concoct something according to their own taste.”

If you’re not one for crowd-sourcing, try offering “a featured drink at each party,” like Gina of Bowl Licker. The best kind of featured drink “can be quickly made, and quickly becomes the accessory of the party.” This strategy has the added benefit of cutting costs, since you can simply purchase the ingredients needed for the featured drink.

You can also cut costs by making large batches of your own drinks at home, such as “mojitos, pomegranate margs, sangria,” suggested Kristy of The Wicked Noodle. And if you have leftovers, “As long as the fresh herbs aren’t added until a couple hours beforehand, you could keep them for a few days or so. I’d also wait to add fresh or frozen fruit to the sangria until a few hours before.”

Ilina is also a proponent of using the proper accoutrements. “Have the right glassware on hand. I also have an unhealthy obsession with cocktail napkins,” she said. And pretty up your spread: “post recipe cards with cocktails by the bar when you entertain. I’m a big fan of garnish too so put out an array of goodies.”

Impromptu or Regularly Planned Gatherings

Gatherings of friends don’t always have to be planned – or they can consist of a weekly or monthly outing, putting less pressure on a single host.

“We do girls night once a month. And during the summer my friends are always popping over in the afternoon for margaritas. I love impromptu cocktail hours!” said Kristy of The Wicked Noodle.

If you get along well with your neighbors, try starting a neighborhood get-together as Ilina’s neighbors do. “The same neighbor hosts it every week so he just flips on his Christmas lights (that are on year round for this reason) so we know when it’s time to pop over. It’s BYOB.”

Drink Up

Suggestions for tasty cocktails abounded, but here are a few of our favorites.

Lillet spritzer (suggested by Gina of Bowl Licker; recipe from Martha Stewart Magazine): In a cocktail shaker filled with ice, add 1/4 teaspoon finely grated orange zest, 3 ounces Lillet, 3 ounces fresh orange juice; shake well. Pour into a glass and top with club soda or sparkling wine. Makes 1 drink.

Lemongrass mojito (from Kristy of The Wicked Noodle)

Jessica asked for a boubon cocktail idea, and Ilina suggested she mix the liquor “with ginger ale and a splash of apple cider.”

Melissa of Staten Island Family provided the link to a Pinterest search filled with cocktail ideas.

Cheers!

On Success in Business and Blogging: Personal Branding & Learning to Market Yourself

April 10, 2012 by The Motherhood

Do you have a tough time talking about yourself, especially about what you do well? Does it feel uncomfortably like bragging? If you said “yes,” you are not alone.

But whether you are a businessperson or a blogger (or both), “you need to get comfortable being uncomfortable and put yourself out there,” said Erin Lane of A Parenting Production, host of a live chat today in The Motherhood on developing your personal brand.

She and a group of co-hosts pointed out that success will come with developing and maintaining a consistent personal brand, paired with persistence in marketing that brand.

Why Creating a Personal Brand Matters

Erin’s advice can be applied to business, blogging and life in general: “You want to define yourself to them … not have them define you.” When it comes to blogging, “Doesn’t matter your readership … it’ll grow. And it doesn’t matter if you aren’t monetizing. Your readers view you in a particular way.”

Developing Your “Voice” – How to Get Started

So how do you WANT your readers or colleagues to view you? “To start defining your ‘brand’ start with the question, ‘What is your goal? To do what?'” said Lea Ann of Mommy’s Wish List. “This is your brand vision.”

She went on, “After you have a clearly defined goal, next question involves positioning yourself. Two points: Target – who are you talking to? Frame of Reference – what is your category, niche?”

For inspiration, Kathy of I’m a Danish Mama taps into the visual elements of a “collage where I can see all the things that go together … That helps with the feel of the brand. I also do a word chart where I list all the words that come to mind.”

Keep the creative juices flowing by thinking about “brands you admire, big box or small business,” said Rajean of Rajean Blomquist – Because I Said So. She had a few thought-starter questions, including: “What do you think of when you hear their name, see their logo? These are the types of images you should work on for yourself. What do you want others to think of when they hear your name, your company name, see an image associated with your brand and/or business?”

Ilina of Dirt & Noise added, “It helps to ask others their opinions, too, to get some external feedback on your brand and how you are perceived. It’s important to be earnest and not try to be someone else.”

Making Your “Brand” Recognizable

Once you establish a voice and a look for your brand, people will recognize YOU anywhere online. “If it becomes familiar to others as they seek your brand, it gives a sense of comfort and can establish trust. Both very important in branding,” pointed out Rajean of Rajean Blomquist – Because I Said So.

“I think a huge part of seeing your brand clearly is CONSISTENCY: do you have a branding document that has your fonts, logos and pantone colors in one handy place?” asked Kathy of I’m a Danish Mama.

And it’s not just about your blog, but your entire online presence. Kathy went on, “Are your avatars (Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn) all the same? Can one person find you in multiple places and know it’s you or do you leave them wondering?”

Lea Ann of Mommy’s Wish List provided advice on creating a consistent look: “Pick a color palette of THREE colors. Dominant, Subdominant, Subordinate (accent). Pick one font and stick with it throughout. Most font families have an italic, a bold, a condensed. One font gives you the impression of one voice, in other words, more consistency.”

Marketing Yourself

If one of your goals is to publicize and monetize your “brand,” with the back-end work finished, it’s time to start marketing yourself.

It won’t always be easy, and rejection is part of the process. “There are always more ‘no’s’ than ‘yeses’ but the yeses come with persistence,” said Erin of A Parenting Production. “It’s easy to get dejected, but remember, EVERYONE feels that way at some point…even those you perceive to be extremely successful.”

Lea Ann of Mommy’s Wish List suggested that bloggers focus on showcasing “your relevant background” to PR people at the companies you want to work with. “It makes you an expert. Also, including links to relevant material you’ve written shows credibility and that they are not taking a chance on you. You are a proven entity.”

To get your name out there, Kathy of I’m a Danish Mama suggested subscribing to HARO (Help A Reporter Out). If you see requests from reporters on topics that align with your brand expertise, send an email offering yourself for an interview.

But don’t let your guard down, in person or online. “Remember that your brand doesn’t have an off button,” cautioned Erin of A Parenting Production. “How you are online and in person at events, conferences, etc, matters.”

Keeping Your Brand on Track

On a day-to-day basis, you should continue using your unique voice to create interesting content and promote your brand. “Don’t be afraid to tweet out, pin or share your own posts. Just do it sparingly,” Erin said.

Kathy of I’m a Danish Mama provided a good rule of thumb, suggesting that for every nine links or tweets you share on other people’s behalf, you can share one post promoting yourself.

As you create additional content, keep your brand in mind. To help, “choose 5 adjectives to describe it as if it were a person. Then everything you do should answer to those adjectives,” advised Lea Ann of Mommy’s Wish List.

Along the same lines, “A tag line is super important!” said Joy of Creative Mamma. “People get a sense of what they are getting from your blog just from that one little sentence!”

And never forget that YOU are your personal brand’s strongest asset. One “great place for your personality and voice to shine,” as Ilina of Dirt & Noise said, is in your bio or About Me blog page.

If you have additional questions or would like advice from Erin, you can leave comments on this post or email her at erinclane@gmail.com.

Kathy of I’m a Danish Mama also offered her support via email at imadanishmama@gmail.com.

The Motherhood and Lady Gaga – Like Sistahs

April 10, 2012 by The Motherhood

The Motherhood and Lady Gaga have oh-so-much in common as it turns out.

Like The Motherhood, Lady Gaga loves the words ‘amazing’ and ‘favorite’. She also likes ‘food’, ‘story’ and ‘questions’ – as do we – and her tweets are more positive than negative, as are ours, according to Visual.ly‘s infographic.

You too can use Visual.ly to create a fun infographic to share with your friends.