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Is All That Lies Between Me & Happiness a Clean Kitchen?

Is All That Lies Between Me & Happiness a Clean Kitchen?

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The Motherhood hosted a live Talk with Real Simple managing editor Kristin van Ogtrop, Ellen Galinsky, president of the Families & Work Institute and Christine Koh of Boston Mamas to talk about Real Simple’s groundbreaking study, “Women & Time: Setting a New Agenda,” based on a survey of 3,200 American women between the ages of 25-54 conducted with the Families and Work Institute.

 

“The good and the bad news seems to be that when it comes to free time, we’re our own worst enemies,” said Kristin van Ogtrop.

 

According to the study, at least 50% of women say they don’t have enough free time and  61% feel guilty spending what little time they do have on themselves.

 

“One of the findings that was surprising from the study was that we do things in our free time (defined as time we spend on ourselves where we can do things we enjoy) that we DON’T enjoy – like laundry, cleaning and decluttering!” said Ellen Galinsky.

 

“We feel as if we have to finish our chores before we ‘earn’ free time for ourselves … but chores never seem to be finished!” added Ellen.  “I used to wait for others to give me permission for free time and why should they…it is not in their self-interest.”

 

And here’s the rub.  The survey also found that “women who set aside regular free time are ultimately more satisfied with their lives.”

 

So what’s an over-worked, time-starved mother to do?

 

We gathered some of the most trusted voices in the blogosphere to talk with Kristin, Ellen and Christine about the study and share their advice and approaches.  We were blown away by the conversation.  Here are some of the takeaways:

 

“It’s unusual, if not unheard of, for me to have an entirely clean house, but if I even have ONE tidy room, that seems to allow a good mental space to approach the day,” said Gabrielle Blair, Design Mom.

 

“I quickly learned that my husband does not clean. DOES. NOT. CLEAN,” said Karen Walrond, Chookooloonks.  “But I’m okay with this, because he’s a helluva cook. So our rule is that he cooks and I clean. I do miss cooking sometimes, but this keeps us saner.

 

“My husband once said that he would do the dishes for the whole rest of our lives so that I would stop complaining about doing dishes, said Heather, Rookie Moms.  “I took him up on that one.”

 

“I spoke with an organizational expert at Dad 2.0, and while I always knew about the “everything has a home” thing, HOLY CRAP, when instituted, it is magical, said Kristen Chase, Cool Mom Picks.

 

For me, Ellen’s article on The Huffington Post was a true a-ha moment – it never occurred to me, a 35 year old woman, honestly, that I didn’t have to be as perfect as possible in every way, and that includes finishing my chores, said Morra Aarons, Women Online.

 

“I hate our cultural tendency to downplay our own desires or abilities to find free time, all couched in the “OMG I’m so busy I can’t breaaaathe!” narrative which does nothing but make everyone else feel like THEY should be crazy-busy, too,” said Meagan Francis, The Happiest Mom.

 

“I tell people who visit that they can have a good meal to eat or a clean house to eat it in…but not both,” said The Motherhood member Becki.

 

I don’t have any help outside of the kids and the man who live here, said Kelly Wickham, Mocha Momma.  “I remind myself that THEY all helped to make this mess, too.”

 

“The BIGGEST help to me, my life, our family’s life, and my marriage was finding *where* my husband did not have clutter blindness and putting him in charge of that (the kitchen) and where the kids would take responsibility (their rooms) and putting them in charge of that,”  said Julie Pippert, Using My Words.

 

“I subscribe to the theory of resolving what makes you crazy. I don’t feel OBLIGATED, but a clean kitchen makes me feel more at peace,” said Whitney of Rookie Moms.

 

“I find that as my life has gotten more complicated and “messy” I have tried to seek order through making everything tidier at home and in my workspace,” said Isabel Kallman, AlphaMom.  “And I have.”

 

“We’ve got to overcome to-do list tyranny,” said Kristin van Ogtrop.  “There was such a strong correlation in the study between happiness and carving out free time. Put that guilt in a box and close the box.”

 

“I decided a long time ago that I am NOT in charge of cleaning the refrigerator and my husband (who is a GREAT cook) is,” said Ellen Galinsky.  “I have accepted that I will live with mold on the ‘slow movers in the back of the refrigerator’ and I do. I know that if I ever jumped in, I would “own” the refrigerator again.”

 

“I tell my husband, I am a stay at home MOM.   Not a stay at home HOUSEKEEPER,” said Brandie. “I do need help. Just like when he goes to work, he isn’t the only person doing his job, he isn’t the only person in the company. He doesn’t have to do it all there. I don’t have to do it all here.”

 

“I’m a big fan of integrating my kids into things that need to get done… making it fun and also teaching them about basic living,” said Christine of Boston Mamas.

 

“Is there a biological difference in men and women that makes it easier for men to disconnect in this way?” asked The Motherhood member jbrileyb.  “I used to resent my husband for it, but now I am looking at him like a mentor of sorts.  He just decides he’s going to watch a hockey game, sits down and does it ….  I’m realizing I should be more like Mark, not that he should be more like me.”

 

“I end up in that shame cycle of: can’t keep up = stress = no desire to do anything, especially cleaning, when I do have free time = more mess = more stress, etc. I try to keep things ‘maintained’ and hope when the kids are older I’ll actually have it super clean,” said Steph of Adventures in Babywearing.

 

“I am a self described “mostly mom” meaning I am not seeking perfection, said The Motherhood member Deborah.  “I wouldn’t really know where I put it anyway. 😉 The ten minute or 30 minute tidy as a family keeps our family happy and sane.”

 

“I have done huge purging regularly,” said Julie.   “I’ve gotten more mindful about what I bring in. Also, if I won the lottery that I never play? I might buy out the Container Store.”

 

“One of the motivation threads for this conversation was one I hosted on The Motherhood the other month,” said Christine.   “I once read in a running magazine that a 10 minute run is better than no run at all. And I have applied that to self care in general. I encourage you to give yourself the permission of 10 minutes a day (if you can do more, great!) to do something that is just for you. This morning I went for a 10 minute run and it did wonders on many levels.”

 

“I LIKE talking with ‘slackers’ who admit they take ‘my own time,’ said Julie.  “It reinforces this permission I give myself.”

 

“When something bad happens, you don’t think, gee, I wish I would have dusted more often,” said Brandie. “On some level, some things need to be done. But I don’t need to vacuum every day to have a clean house … find something you enjoy. And do it, if only a few minutes each day. It will be good for you.”

 

“Remember that YOU DRIVE THE BUS,” said Christine.  “You can choose to fill your life with joy and creativity and happy small moments and you can choose to let go of things that are unnecessary. Really, you can.”

 

“We need to change the narrative from ‘I’m so busy, sigh’ to ‘I’m filling my life with things I love.'”  Meagan of The Happiest Mom

 

Click here to read the full transcript of this amazing conversation!

 

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For more advice on delegating work to your kids, The Motherhood is hosting a Talk later this month on winning the chore war and getting kids to help around the house. Join us!

 

 

 

 

Grills Gone Wild

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Spring is finally here, and in some parts of the country, it feels more like summer already. When the weather’s this beautiful outside, the only way I want to cook is on the grill.

 

I know I’m not the only one who feels that way. Celebrity chef George Duran joined The Motherhood today live from his rooftop in Manhattan to share recipes and grilling tips and answer our questions about this cooking method that seems custom-made for the weather outside.

 

http://youtu.be/S3zDkjecGAU

 

He was joined by a panel of moms who are brilliant at blogging and cooking (sometimes even simultaneously): Amy of Cajun Joie de Vivre; Caryn of Rockin’ Mama; Faith of An Edible Mosaic; Jennifer of Mom Spotted; Kate of Stolen Moments Cooking; Kelly of Kansas City Mamas; Lisa of Life with Lisa; Monet of Anecdotes and Apple Cores; Vanessa of The Sew*er, The Caker, The Copycat Maker; and Victoria of Veep Veep.

 

George started out by demonstrating a Santa Fe Chicken Packets recipe from Ready Set Eat.com that went straight to the heart of everything important to me about summer cooking: I like it to be quick, easy, delicious (of course) and healthy (because although my bikini-wearing days may be behind me, I like to think that my muu-muu wearing days are far, far in the future).

 

When the weather is warm, George says, Southwestern-style recipes like this leap to mind, as do margaritas, which I think would go wonderfully with this recipe. (Except not for the kids. So you’ll have to drink theirs. Be brave; it’s a mother’s sacrifice to make.)

 

George took a particular shine to this recipe for Cheddar Jalapeno Bacon Burgers from Jennifer, which he also demonstrated on video.

 

Elegant in its simplicity (the ingredients are IN the burger, not piled on top), it’s literally packed with flavor.  Since the meat is the star of the show, use organic or grass-fed beef if available; this would also work well as a turkey, or even a bison burger.

 

With burgers that are so flavorful, the last thing you want is to smother them in a thick, bready bun. George likes using the thin multigrain rounds that have popped up in stores, because they let you actually taste your burger.  Two great tips: spray a little PAM® on your spatula and tongs, and spray  a little on your burger. Doing this avoids the flare-up from spraying it directly on your grill and will make clean-up easier.

 

Some other cooking tips from George Duran…

 

…on cooking thick meats: use indirect heat. Turn on one side of the grill, leave the other zone off. Place meat on the hot side of the grill to sear, then move meat to the other side and close the grill. There will be enough heat to cook the meat through, without burning the outside.

 

…on grilling vegetables: George likes grilling zucchini, yellow squash, and eggplant with the skin removed.  Spray the vegetable chunks or thick slices with PAM® and throw on the grill long enough to get grill marks on them, then remove and  season with salt, pepper and a splash of olive oil. Avoid thin veggies that fall through the grates, like asparagus spears. George also recommended using a grill mat by Cookina that he’s discovered for grilling veggies.

 

…on what fish to grill: Definitely try grilling salmon or other fish with skin. Lay skin side directly on the grill. Because it’s fatty, it won’t really stick, and you won’t be eating the skin, but it will help keep the fish moist.  Tilapia is also great to grill. It cooks quickly. Because tilapia fillets are typically skinless, be sure to use more PAM® non-stick spray to prevent sticking.

 

…on making burgers to please adults and kids: Put a twist on a classic cheeseburger by stuffing a cube of cheese inside a burger. To keep the cheese from melting and oozing out of the middle of your ground beef or turkey, freeze the cheese cubes before putting them inside the meat.

 

…on the best foods for grilling novices to try (besides hot dogs and burgers): Try thick chunks of veggies, and chicken breasts. Marinate thin-cut chicken, or use a dry rub and grill quickly on both sides.

 

…on cooking corn on the cob: George grills his corn with husks on, after trimming the ends of the husks. Don’t bother to soak; there’s plenty of moisture already inside the husk. Grill until husks are burnt, let cool for 5 minutes, and corn will be perfectly cooked.

 

…on cooking steak perfectly: Stick with grass-fed, organic beef. George says to sear the beef over direct heat, then finish cooking it over indirect heat. Use a meat thermometer to test doneness.  Digital or standard meat thermometer is fine.

 

…on grilling veggie burgers: Use your PAM® non-stick spray to prevent more burger sticking to your grill than ends up on your bun.  Toast the buns, too.

 

…on whether meat should come to room temp before grilling: George says, never, never, NEVER! A lot of bacteria can grow, and it’s totally unnecessary to have room-temperature meat for proper cooking. Sometimes George will even freeze thin cuts of meat before grilling so they have time to caramelize on the outside without overcooking on the inside.

 

…on grilling dessert: George says you can bake a cake on the grill using indirect heat (you can even do this on a campfire). Also recommended: Grilled Banana Split Sundae, in which pound cake, bananas, and cherries are skewered and grilled before the sundae is assembled. Grilling the ice cream is not recommended.

 

…on cleaning your grill grates:  Have a very good, big, metal grill brush and replace it every year. Also have an adjustable spray bottle of water handy. After grilling, mist the grill, which creates steam, and scrub with your brush. Straight streams of water are good for taking care of flare-ups.

 

For more great grilling recipes, tips, and tools, check out the archived Talk and video. and don’t forget to check out these mouthwatering recipes from our panelists:

 

 

Amy, Cajun Joie de Vivre: Man Dogs
Caryn, Rockin’ Mama: Greek Style Burgers stuffed with Feta Cheese
Faith, An Edible Mosaic: Pizza Burgers (pictured above)
Jennifer, Mom Spotted: Cheddar Jalapeno Bacon Burgers

Kate, Stolen Moments Cooking: Fiesta Burgers 

Kelly, Kansas City Mamas: KC BBQ Hot Dogs

Lisa, Life with Lisa: Italian Style Hamburgers

Monet, Anecdotes and Apple Cores: Pear and Goat Cheese Frank

Vanessa, The Sew*er, The Caker the Copycat Maker: Surprise Burgers and Grilled Pineapple

Victoria, Veep Veep, Harrison’s Champion Chili Cheese Dogs

 

How Does Your Garden Grow?

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I have two persistent challenges with my kids (well, more like two hundred, but only two that I’m willing to cop to today): getting them to eat good foods, and getting them to unplug and go outside.

 

Turns out these two problems, which look different on their faces, might have the same solution – and it’s right outside my back door.

 

 

Angela Sydnes, of Grow Inspired, joined us in The Motherhood, along with Cynthia Oberdier, Tracy Michele, Fran Fainman, Bean, Stephanie Girgen, and Rain Zeccolo to talk about growing edible plants, and getting our kids involved.

 

Some of you may be master gardeners already, and your toddlers are probably out back now preserving strains of heirloom tomato seeds as we speak. I am not quite a master gardener, by which I mean that I can kill a plant at twenty paces just by looking at it. So I really appreciated the panel’s advice on getting started.

 

Cynthia emphasized the importance of research: know what you want to grow, and how much room you have to work with. Tracy Michele chimed in on the importance of good soil, and knowing the pH of your vegetables and making sure your soil is right for them. And Stephanie reminded us that we don’t have to garden perfectly, we just have to garden. Get some good compost, mix it in with the top 6-8 inches of soil, and go.

 

Once your soil is set, Bean suggested, many farmer’s markets have veggie starts that you can just transplant into your soil – no need to start from seeds.

 

If you do start from seeds, and you have little hands helping you, Bean recommends large seeds like peas, beans, and squash. Fran seconded the motion on squash, because it’s beautiful and easy to grow.

 

Rain offered that microgreens and cherry tomatoes are favorites of kid gardeners, as are herbs like chives. Herbs have the added advantage of being container friendly and usable in a wide variety of dishes, so kids get the pride of being able to contribute to a lot of meals.

 

Kids tend to like to eat what they grow, and Stephanie suggested growing what they like to eat: a pizza garden, with a Roma tomato plant, a green pepper plant, and some basil.

 

The panel offered creative suggestions for getting the kids out there in the garden in the first place.  Angela recommended quick-sprouting seeds like radishes for instant gratification, and having a special space where the kids have their own tools, and can dig as much as they want. Stephanie says her little girl has her own tools that match mom’s (but not gloves–pointless, and “dirt doesn’t hurt”).

 

Rain said that theme gardens are great; in addition to the idea of a pizza garden, a salsa or tea garden might appeal. She also recommended getting older kids involved in the planning and mapping of a garden, especially if they like to draw. Tracy Michele also offered the idea of seasonal gardening in crates: microgreens and beans in the spring, for example, and Mediterranean herbs and eggplant in the summer.

 

Some of us have less-than-ideal spaces for our ideal gardens. If lack of space is a limitation, grow up – literally up. Many kid-friendly plants can be grown on trellises or fences: peas, beans, cucumbers, and even pumpkins. Too much shade? Stephanie suggested that “veggies grown just for their foliage, like lettuce, kale, spinach, can take more shade than veggies that need to flower and fruit, like tomatoes.” Angela also pointed out that many herbs grow well in shade.

 

Fran reassured us that “anyone can grow anything,” and the panel unanimously recommended herbs for those of us who consider ourselves black thumbs. Angela advised that over- or under-watering is an area in which people struggle, but that good fertilization and plenty of sun help. Fran recommended growing herbs with similar growing conditions together, and Angela offered this helpful information for growing cilantro in containers.

 

But Stephanie gave perhaps the most reassuring advice of all: ‘Gardening is all experimentation, really, even for seasoned gardeners. Mother Nature’s really the one in control, after all.”

 

 

Get your grill going! Live Talk from a celebrity chef’s backyard grill

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Hi everyone!

 

 

Please join us on Thursday, April 5 for a delish and delightful virtual cooking school class called Firing Up the Grill: New Recipes, Flavors and Ingredients to Kick-Start Barbeque Season. The class is part of the Cooking Connections series on The Motherhood.  

When: Thursday, April 5, at 1 p.m. ET.  It will last 30 minutes.

 

Where: TheMotherhood – here is where the class will be held


About the class: It’s been a warm spring, giving us a head start on grilling season! Join celebrity chef George Duran, coming to us via live video feed from his own backyard, as he shares his top grilling techniques and new flavor twists on old favorites.

 

Giveaway! We are also giving away two summer grilling gift baskets for class participation – don’t miss out!  There are TWO methods of entry if you’d like to get involved:

 

1) post your own idea for a hot dog or hamburger recipe in the text chat on this page. You must use one of these required ingredients in your recipe: Hebrew National, Ro*Tel, Hunt’s Ketchup, Hunt’s Canned Tomatoes, Gulden’s Mustard or Wolf Chili.

 

2) go to ReadySetEat.com, pick a recipe you’d like to try the next time you grill or host a barbecue, and post the name of the recipe in the text chat on this page.


The class is sponsored by ReadySetEat.com and ConAgra Foods, and it is hosted by TheMotherhood.  We’ve got a great group of co-hosts, who will be sharing their own yummy grilling recipes and tips. JOIN US!

 

Amy, Cajun Inspired Living, http://amybayliss.com/
Caryn, Rockin’ Mama, http://rockinmama.net/
Faith, An Edible Mosaic, http://www.anediblemosaic.com/
Jennifer, Mom Spotted, http://momspotted.com/
Kate, Stolen Moments Cooking, http://stolenmomentscooking.com/
Kelly, Kansas City Mamas, http://www.kansascitymamas.com/
Lisa, Life with Lisa, http://www.lifewithlisa.com/
Monet, Anecdotes and Apple Cores, http://anecdotesandapples.weebly.com
Vanessa, The Sew*er, The Caker, The Copycat-Maker, http://sewcakemake.blogspot.com/
Victoria, Veep Veep, http://www.veepveep.com/

 

Getting Ready for Easter

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It’s almost Easter time! Are you getting “egg-cited” for the holiday in your house?

 

To help you gear up, we’ve turned to Pinterest to collect great ideas for you and your kids! First, don’t forget to use fun crafting time to create cute decorations for your house, like this Easter egg garland:

 

 

And don’t you just love these handmade bunny decorations?

 

 

Of course, you HAVE to have some fabulous dyed eggs. But what can you do to make them a little different than usual – in a very simple way? How about using rubber bands to make patterns…

 

 

Or Kool-Aid to create cool colors…

 

 

And you can’t forget to make some delicious treats that everyone will enjoy! We LOVE these Cadbury Creme Egg cupcakes:

 

 

Or you could try these Spring-inspired Easter nest cookies:

 

 

Last, but definitely not least, get the kids involved with some adorable activities. Help them practice their letters with an Easter egg letter search:

 

 

Or you could let their creativity run free with some felt Easter egg decorating.

 

 

To get the links for these ideas and more (like how to re-use those plastic eggs), be sure to visit our Easter Celebration board on Pinterest!

 

Happy Easter, everyone!

For the Love of Reading

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I’ve been a bookworm since I was a kid. Like many of you, I cut my teeth on Dr. Seuss, the Boxcar Children and the Baby-Sitters Club (BSC, to the initiated).

 

I read at the dinner table growing up. I picked my college major, journalism, based on the fact that I loved to read and write. I joined a book club as soon as I graduated and had time for “fun reading” again. I read books of all kinds, although I don’t always love them and don’t always finish them.

 

And because in my city, it is a dreary, wet Wednesday – the best kind of reading day – I’d like to share a few suggestions for reading mamas who can’t help but carve out a moment or two each day for a good book.

 

If you enjoy memoirs (and even if you don’t): The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls is a must-read.  The stories about her dysfunctional childhood will make your jaw drop – and you’ll cheer for her resilience and success.

 

For the sci-fi fan, pick up World War Z: An Oral History of the Zombie War by Max Brooks. This is no campy horror book, nor is it exclusively for the zombie obsessed. Brooks shows us the aftermath of an apocalyptic war from the point of view of dozens of “survivors.” You will not be able to put it down.

 

Most of us can’t afford a family trip to Australia, but no matter – you can read In a Sunburned Country by Bill Bryson instead. From bustling Sydney to remote Perth, Bryson is a humorous and cheerful travel companion who takes us across the continent while relating fascinating anecdotes and sharing historical and cultural tidbits.

 

Enjoy mysteries, but tired of reading Agatha Christie and Arthur Conan Doyle (the author of Sherlock Holmes)? Try reading Whose Body? by Dorothy Sayers. It’s the first of several terrific books featuring amateur sleuth Lord Peter Wimsey.

 

And for a great beach read this summer, or while you’re on Spring Break, check out The Time Traveler’s Wife by Audrey Niffenegger (if you haven’t already). It’s a poignant and thought-provoking love story between a man who involuntarily travels through time and the woman who waits for him.

 

If you have recommendations, I am always looking for new books – leave your favorites in the comments!  Happy reading!